How can you tell if you have fallen out of love?

Question

Me and my fiance had a relationship for seven years. He broke up with me almost 3 weeks ago saying that we just "can't" work. I am 8 months pregnant with our baby. I am 23 and he is 22. He has no family here and he left about a month ago because we was moving to Wyoming because of his job. So, he is living with his "daddy" and has nothing going for him right now. Well, I feel like I am in love with him..I know that it has changed over the years because it isn't that first stage of lollipops and giggles..He said that his feelings has changed for me but he still loves me and is in love with me. I'm not sure that he is in love with me...And it has me begining to think that maybe I am not in love with him like I think I am? Maybe we are both just confused. I know that we got comfortable with each other but we always spiced things up. So I would just like some advice on maybe..How you can tell your not in love with someone anymore?

And we didn't get engaged because of the baby...Our wedding was basically planned already before I got pregnant. My Dr. told me that I could never get pregnant so it was a blessing for us. Also, Men..Would you be able to leave the woman you love and your unborn son? Please no rude people! Thanks :)

Answer 1

Don't make any major decisions now, either splitting up or getting married. Wait until baby is at least 6 weeks old & you feel like your old self &you are sure you know what you want..

You will both have to look your child in the face one day & explain why you split up and what you did to try to avoid it. Go to marriage counseling. It is available free or on a sliding-scale at many county health or social departments.If he won't go,that will tell you a lot about his commitment. And if he won't go with you,go to counseling alone,to decide what you want&how to get what you want(with or without him)

Women can be hard to live with during pregancy because of hormones,being uncomfortable during day and lack of sleep at night,anxiety about giving birth & if the baby will be ok and healthy,etc.Some men cannot/do not want to handle the responsibilities of being a father, plus they are dealing with a pregnant woman and have the same fears about the birth and health of the baby. He may be realizing that this is "real" and now he is an adult, and he may be reassessing if he wants his freedom.However,he may feel differently after baby arrives.

The question is ,what do you do if he does feel differently?

If you are not fighting a lot and if he has never been physical with you, he does not have a substance problem(drugs or alcohol) , and you are not living with your family,then try to stay together (even if just as friends and not lovers) until the baby is 6-12 months old.It is very difficult to deal with a first child alone. But,be sure if you get back together again that there is no chance of another baby for a while. Two small children can add strain to any relationship& the only thing worst than raising one kid alone is raising two .

Love is different at every stage. If we kept up the white-hot flame of new love, then mankind would never acccomplish anything.Would you want the obstetrician delivering your new baby to be daydreaming about his/her lover? or rushing through with you to get home to her/him?

When you have children your priorities change; you want a man who not only lights your fire,but is a good father and a good provider(since when you are pregnant & have a baby you need someone to take care of both of you). Maybe you are concerned about his ability or desire to do that.

Are you sure you are not confusing sex and love? What you seem to be talking about is sexual attraction, which is necessary and important in a marriage,but is not sufficient.
Why do you think you love/loved him? If he were in a horrible accident and no longer looked young and handsome, would you feel the same? If he were away (say at war) for 3 or 4 years,would you feel the same way?

If your first response to why you love him is how he looks,that is not good.
The most important negatives of a spouse are abuse(physical & verbal),addiction(drugs,alcohol,gambling,etc)& adultery. One no should have to accept these behaviors from a spouse.

Does he have a good character?
Will he change diapers? Will he help with housework? If you say what little sleep you got last night,will he say,"go take a nap,I'll watch the baby"? Is he at home every night except when he is working or an occasional poker night with the boys? Does he get up every morning and go to work?Does he keep a job? If he were unemployed,would he do a a job beneath him or embarassing to him( a chicken costume at KFC,etc) if it were the only way to make a living for his family?Does he pay his bills? Will he pay child support if the two of you separate?Does he tell you you are beautiful,even when you're not (like right after giving birth)? Is he a good son? Is he good to others less fortunate? Does he treat waiters & waitresses well? Is he kind to people he will never see again? Would he stop to change the tire of an unattractive middle-aged woman he does not know? What if it were raining? If he does not treat others well ,eventually he probably will not treat you well,either.

Do you not only love him,but like and respect him? Are you proud of him and being his?
If he were a friend of your brother but you were a lot younger than him & he were married to someone else (so no romantic attraction) would you like him? Would he treat you with respect or like you were a pest?

Even if you both love each other,it doesn't mean you can make a life together.Love does not always conquer everything.
But there are a few things that best explains true love.
(1)"right of survivorship" ,which means that not only would you chose to die rather than the other person,but you care about what happens to them after you die(life insurance, etc.) (2)someone who makes you want to be a better person & for whom you try to be a better person.

I think 'love' is a worn-out word and that it means many things.We say we 'love' a pair of shoes.

True love is to CHERISH one another ,to be thankful for the gift of each other,and when you have been married 50 years, it is praying that you die first so you won't have to live without him.

Answer 2

If you still feel the same way as you did when you began to date and you really got to know him and you had that amazing "love" feeling, then most likely, you are still in love. The circumstances really matter, though. Things change, and sometimes falling out of love is inevitable. If you feel he has changed and that you have changed for the worse, maybe it is time to be over. Only you will know if you have fallen out of love with him, in the end.

Answer 3

I am in the same boat. I just had my baby 3 days ago but 3 months ago my husband moved out stating that he loved me but wasn't in love with me. once he said that it made me question how much i loved him. I still don't know the answer, i think it just depends on how much you are wiling to do to save the relationship. We are trying to work things out but who knows?
I know it is tuff and it sits on your mind all day long but try to just think about your baby on the way! once they are here all your love will go to them and you won't focus on the negetives of you relationship so much.
I hope he will be there for you and the baby! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

Love and like are two different feelings if you like each other then you can love each other if you don't then there is not a real love

Answer 5

Sounds like he's not worth the trouble to me....have your baby and move on.

Answer 6

dont even wait if he is treating you bad leave please i dont want anything to happen