17 & Pregnant what do I do?

Question

I need to know the fors and against for my pregnancy, I need to have as much information to help me make an informed decision.
1. Im about 5 wks gone
2. Not sure who the father is, 1 of 3 possibles
3. Do I tell all the possibles about the others?
4. Working & plenty of support
5. 2 of the 3 would be fully supportive
6. Live with one of the possibles and he thinks its his, doesnt know about others (we had split up, just living together.)
7. Got plans for my life, can you still do stuff, career etc?
8. Parents only discussing termination.

Please dont be judgemental of my situation, it wasnt planned. But I want as much info to help me with the decisions I have to make.

Told 2 of the 3 the full story. My ex (who I live with) blew his stack but is ok as we had split. (the 3rd was a friend and a one night stand.)
Mum made me an appointment for Family Planning to discuss my options. Got there and it turned out to be an appointment for a termination!! Listened to what they had to say and they booked me a scan so I would have an idea of how far gone I am. (with no obligation to terminate, Ive not decided.)
So I got a cancelled GP appointment, he was useless, wouldnt book me or refer me for a scan, nothing. Told me to come back when Id made my mind up. Even told me my ex who I took with me should go on the birth certificate and there was no need for the others to know or do a DNA test! I was gobsmacked.
Going to see a counsellor tomorrow.

Thanks for your answers so far.

Forgot to say no. 2 is being supportive told him before I told my ex and he is ok too.

Answer 1

You have probably got the biggest decision to make in your 17 years,and right now you probably dont know which way to turn.
The choice you make has to be your own and it needs to based on the maximum amount of information you can absorb to make it a well informed choice.
Go check out your local pregnancy crisis information centre if in the UK this can be found in the front section of the Yellow pages. They are independent, not tied to the National Health, or any pro or anti termination society, they are there to listen to you and help you explore your options including Adoption.
They will be able to offer to current information to proceedures and health care, as well as looking at any financial concerns you may have relating to your pregnancy. They will advise you on how to progress in what ever direction you need.
You will need to get your pregnancy dated, what I mean by that is you will need to know how far along you are, this will have an effect with regard to how long the timescale is for you to have a choice of termination if you do indeed decide to take that route, so I would suggest finding out through your GP or health care proffessional about getting a scan, if you can remember the date of your last period this would give you a rough estimate of how far the pregnancy has progressed.
I can imagine it all seems like too much to comprehend right now but you need to be looking after yourself, what ever your choice right now you need to eat and be sensible, the last thing you need is for you to make yourself ill with the worry.
Hopefully you have support from friends if not family who can be there for you in those twilight hours when your mind runs away with itself with all of the info you are trying to take in.
Im not going to lecture you about the responsibilites of contraception, but I do think you need to consider the 3 possibles, you may be thinking of letting the ex be the only one who knows, but I need to mention something, if you do decide to go ahead with the pregnacy you will be asked questions about medical history of the father. To be sure you and the baby would get the best medical care and provision it would be beneficial to know what the historys are of the possibles. Ok I know, it means being honest, admiting whats happened. Youve come this far, asked all of us for our help, that cant have been easy. Start as you mean to go on. After all you will be able to get a DNA test after the baby is born. (I dont know if its possible during the pregnancy, sorry)
If your are working/employed and you inform your employer you will have protected rights, and can not be dismissed for being pregnant. You will be allowed time to attend all medical appointments.
Re the plans for your life, I was a single parent, ok so not so young. But the issues and questions I faced were the same. My circumstances were not exactly the same, I had little or no support and the father walked when the test went positive, you mention 2 of the 3 would be supportive, thats a positive. With or with out the fathers support it is possible to do this if you want. As you can see from some of the answers, you can still continue education, work and be a mum.If that is what you decide.
The Crisis Support worker will have all the relevent info on just how you can manage. Contact them and discuss it through.
Re. your parents. I believe at the end of the day, we all want whats best for our kids, and ok so right now they are a little shocked. Explain how you feel. They may feel you are too young,
Get all the information and sit down and talk to them, explain what youve learnt, whats going on in your head and your heart. Im sure they will support you in what ever path you take.
Make an informed decision, one you know thats going to work for you. Make it your decison and no one elses, it is a huge acceptance of responsibilty on your part. No one came make it for you. So I wish you well in what ever path you choose.
Good luck.

Answer 2

If you have plans for your life, dreams to achieve, etc. Unless you are so wealthy that you can easily hire a nanny to care for your child, you will find yourself dreaming of what could have been while you are raising a child. It's the hardest thing you will ever do, it is so much sacrifice. And at your young age, well, personally, I'd go with termination (and have). You must admit that having more than one possiblity of a father shows lack of responsibility, lack of restraint, etc. However, now that you are looking for information to make a good decision, this shows great responsibility. You'll get many different answers in here because we all are going off of our own experiences. Ultimately, it's clearly your decision. Since there is still an option available to you, consider what you WANT. Having a child at all, much less at such a young age, will forever change your future. We all have regrets about something, but I do not regret the decision I made at your age. I was in no position emotionally to raise a child. Parenting is something that you should put most of your energy into. Having a career and children, despite what people say, one or the other will suffer to some degree. You cannot give of yourself 100% to both. There is no shame in choosing you and your happiness. An unhappy parent raises unhappy children. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

first of all...
Your not the first and you deffinately wont be the last to get into this situation.

My friend got into the same predicament when she was 17.
Se kept the baby and has ut college on hold for a while until he (the baby) is older. It's not easy looking after a child at ANY age, a 30r old could end up being a worse parent than a 16yr old (believe me I know people where that is deffinately the case!)

If you decide to keep the baby then your going to need support, so I'd suggest talking to your parents sooner rather than later.

You can have a test while you are pregnant to find out who is the father but i'm not sure how available they are. I'd check with your G.P fpr details.

Whoever the father is I'd advise you to talkit through with him, although whatever you choose is ultimately YOUR decision and not his.

Your parents are probably very shocked and still think of you as their lttle girl. You need to show them you are mature now and you are taking this very seriously.

Whatever you decide you have to make sure it's best for YOU and not what's conveinient for anyone else.

To all the people who can only criticise - I hope your proud that you've never made a mistake in your life and are so damn perfect! It must be wonderful to be so smug!

Chin-up girl! you've got NOTHING to be ashamed of and anyone who tells you otherwise is just looking or someone to make themselves feel better; and you've probably heared this a million times already but please think about the pill/condoms for the future ok?

Answer 4

Hi sweetheart, I'm 20, my mum had me at 17. It sounds to me like u wanna keep your baby otherwise you would go along with your parents advice of termination? At least thats what I gathered.

It is fully possible to have a career, my mother had me and then my sister a yr later and she still worked and supported both of us without financial support or any imput whatsoever from the father (my father) Do not get a termination if you would regret it, for instance I know I wouldnt be able to live with myself having a termination but it IS a PERSONAL decision and you have to do what is right for YOU. So firstly you must get your head out of thinking about what other ppl think of u and what other people want, at the end of the day the person dealing with the baby is YOU. And remember the child will not stay a baby forever, they will grow up they will need things and they will need your unconditional love and support. Do not worry too much all things work out for the greater good.

As for the father situation, you were very careless, you realize that now. Only a blood test can determine who the real father is. The child has a right to know who its father is so you will have to get that sorted when it is born. You do not have to tell the other men who you 'think' may be involved you can take them one by one to do the blood test and at the end of it you only have to deal with the one who turns out to be the actual father. The one you are living with currently will have a right to know if the baby is his. If it is not then be prepared for him not wanting a relationship with you any further. I'm not saying he wont but you must prepare yourself for the WORST thats what I sometimes do in a situation so that whatever the outcome it isnt half as bad or always remember it could be worse.....

You can achieve all your goals etc you will just have to work harder because now you will have a child dependent on you.

If you decide to go for the termination prepare yourself mentally for that also. Some ppl wish they never had it or remember what day the baby should have been born on and drive themselves crazy. Would adoption be better? Think through every option and decide which one you can bare to live with.

If you keep the baby a baby can be very rewarding but it will be a long road ahead and although drastic prepare yourself to walk that road alone. Read up books get as much support as possible.

Feel free to email me I'll be glad to talk if you need it.

In the meantime hope this helped, God bless you and I wish you all the best from the future.

And next time, use protection.....

Answer 5

Take all 3 guys to Maury Povich, he will do the paternity test. I think u should tell all 3 possibilities of father as they all have a right to know. But until the baby is born, there is no way to find out prior to that who the father will be. Best of luck to you and i hope one of the guys that would be supoprtive is the father. u don't need to deal with a dead beat dad at a young age. You can still have a career and all that, it just may take a little longer. Don't let anyone talk you into terminating the pregnancy...YOU ARE THE ONE LAYING ON THAT TABLE, THAT IS YOUR BODY AND DON;T MAKE A DECISION U WILL REGRET. also there is no inbetween when u have kids..u either want them or u don't. Don't make one of them believe they are the father, it could really blow up in your face in the end. To tell one lie requires another lie to cover that one up and pretty soon u dont know what is the truth and what is a lie. Best bet just tell all of them and sort it out from there

Answer 6

It's one thing being supportive, but can they financially afford to keep a baby, they are very expensive, I have had a girlfriend for a while now and once the condom split and she became pregnant, we both knew that an abortion was the only way for us, we both want to go to university and party a lot with our friends in the best years of our lives, so it was easy for us to make that decision. She does want children when she gets financially stable and after university with a good job etc... I personally think, that at 17 (which is how old I am) I would not advise to have a baby unless you are absolutely sure you can cope, for instance, when all your friends are going out and you can't, I know that we couldn't have coped at this point in our lives, you also have to know that you can give your baby the best life possible. Anyway good luck with your situation and stuff, I'm sure you will do what is right for you. Alex x

Answer 7

first of all wot do u want? iv got 2 kids an iv had 1 abortion.i first got pregnant at 17 i woz scared but i new straight away i woz going to hav the baby.i got pregnant again at 20 and new straight away i couldnt hav it.i had my second child 15months ago and from the first day i new he woz stayin.my point is even if its 4 the best u cant get rid of it if u want it,u will always feel guilty.. secondly u need to work out EXACTLY who u wer with an wen, u need to narrow the possibilities down of who the dad mite b and only tel the likely 2,realy u shouldnt hav told any of them until u new wot u wer doing. thirdly all men say they will b ther all the way wen the baby isnt out yet but things change u dont hav to believe me just look around u. fourthly the plans uv got,could a baby fit into them or will your plans go on hold forever.obviously SOME people who get pregnant young manage to hav a career but its not easy,between the baby and your job u will not hav no time 4 a life... can i just say as much as i love my 2 kids i wish i had been a lot older before havin my first,uv got so much life ahead of u go an live it hun and then tie yourself down with brats lol.. an by the way sleepin with 3 different fellas isnt gud apart from the situation ur in now think about ur health.. i hope ur ok woteva u decide x

Answer 8

Ok so your not in a very good situation but I wont judge as I have had an abortion at 14 but that was due to the age. Basically you should think about your situation from your child's point of view whats your situation? What are your plans as well for the future and would the baby ruin or postpone them? Is it fair to lie about the father you need to find out the real father even if it will cause alot of hurt but that depends on whether or not your planning on keeping it. If you want it and you have plenty of support good luck and it wont be easy but it will be worth it if you know it will be loved and in a safe and stable environment to grow up in! Good luck ask if you want more help

Answer 9

I got pregnant when I was 17 also. Now I am 18 and I am 4 days away from my due date. Yes, it is hard having a baby at such a young age, but if you were mature enough to have sex, your mature enough to carry the baby through the whole pregnancy. You can do it. There have been younger girls than us who have done it. And dont worry about people judging you. Its really none of there business. I have a full time job, and I recently got married. I had 2 guys that were possibly the dad, the guy i married, or another. The other said he didnt want a baby right now because he was going to college... which i can understand, so the guy that i married is going to claim the baby as his. We arent getting a paternity test. He has been through the whole pregancy with me, supports me, and takes care of me. In my opinion, thats all you need in a dad.... so good luck! And you can message me if you want!

Answer 10

The first decision you need to make is: do you want to be a mother? That's the first and foremost question to ask yourself. Do you feel the desire to take care of another person, to let some of your plans and desires to take the back seat, and to work very hard? If you decide that you do not want to or feel you're not able to be a mother at this time, then the decision to abort or adopt is the next decision to make. I will not impede my opinions on those two options, as I feel that is a personal decision. If you decide "Yes, I want to be a mother, and yes I will be happy letting some of my own plans/dreams go for the welfare of my child", then your next problem is dealing with the paternity issue. As uncomfortable as it may be, you will have to be honest with the potential fathers. You must not carry on with any deceit re: the paternity. If the 3rd potential (the unsupportive one) is the father, then plan on either taking him to court for child support (which I HIGHLY recommend), or plan on caring for your child alone. This is not an easy choice, as my single-mom sister can tell you. You did mention that you will have some support from others, so this is a good thing. I was 17 also when I got pregnant (Sep of my senior year in high school), I decided to marry the guy and we were married for 17 years. However, this is not necessarily how your life is going to turn out, it's just my experience. I had foster parents who were very pushy about getting an abortion, but I fought them on that. I don't believe in it, and couldn't participate in that. But, that's me. I know you're afraid, and I do hope for the best for you. I've been there, and I feel I made the right decisions for ME. Good luck!