in a relationship where there is domestic violence?

Question

who is the weakest:
the abuser for excusing the violence, of the victim for excusing the violence?

sorry i meant or the victim!!!

Answer 1

Weak is not term you should be using to describe it. Stupid is! And the one who is allowing themselves to be abused is the stupidest.

Answer 2

if you were to look at it shorthand, the victim would appear weak. In fact, the victim is the strongest for putting up with such behavior. The abuser is like a bully. His or her insecurities lead them to put others down by using physical or verbal force and abuse to persuade the victim from any means of escape. This includes any family or friends. This causes the victim to feel trapped, or helpless. Maybe even abandoned. The one main thing that you should know that should give you strength is that you're not alone. Seriously you should remove yourself from the situation before it gets out of hand. Its not easy, but turnig to someone who you can count on and staying with them is the first step. DO NOT fool yourself into thinking that the person will change. They will manipulate you into thinking it's a temprary thing that they will get a handle on. They will NEVER change. I've known people in this situation and it often leads to a long miserable life and no one can help, only they can help themselves by getting away.....

Answer 3

Some of these answers are truly shocking. As a victim of an abuser, and still in the relationship, no one who has not been through can understand the gut wrenching fear for the unknown, what he will do to you, your kids, etc if and when you leave or call 911. Many of us know that when they threaten to beat you so bad you can't get up, and say it in front of the kids, they mean business. The abused is not weak, just fearful and hopefully (as in my case) waiting for the right time and chance to make the move.

Answer 4

They are both weak, but I do know that the victims, if they come out of it, can come out stronger. I used to be a victim and I will even say i made myself a victim, but now I am very headstrong about my relationships. My husband, who always knew me except when I was being a victim, can't even believe I was ever in that kind of relationships. The more I think about it the more I feel like the abuser is the weaker of them because they pull their strength out of the victims cries. LOSERS
PS ask an abuser who is now in jail, who is the weaker one. HA

Answer 5

Despite what some people think, it takes two to make a relationship into one of domestic violence. The victim and the abuser. Neither of them are weaker than the other, they just have different reasons for being the way they are, reasons that won't change until one of them decides they have had enough and breaks the chain of abuse.

Answer 6

I feel that they are both weak and i really do not know who is the weakest. However if the one being abused stands up for themselves and gets out and away from the abuse and gets help then the become the stronger one! The abused sometimes feels so degraded and hurt and has no self esteem left that they cant help but be weak at times. The abuser has a choice and does not have to choose to hurt or beat on someone to make themselves feel better. This is just wrong and mean. I feel sorry for the one who is being abused BUT i do not feel sorry for the one who is doing the abusing.

http://www.drphil.com

Answer 7

Both, but for different reasons. The abuser because they feel the need to abuse their victim. And the victim because they stay in the relationship

Answer 8

The abuser! In my eyes if a person can abuse someone they love, then they are a coward in my book. I wouldn't say the victim because all their doing is trying to give the abuser another chance, basically showing the abuser that regardless of the disagreements, you are still there for them.

Answer 9

The abuser is the weakest. Woman characteristically have a instinctual tendency to try and fix that which is broken. In cases where woman are battered they find the fault for this madness as their's and their's alone. Sad but true. In the eye's of society at large a woman strong enough to break free and better herself will always come out on top as being stronger. The admiration stems from the strength in oneself to overcome.

Evey one always cheers for the underdog.

Answer 10

I guess both are weak. But the thing is that in our society we are aware that there are a lot of those kind of marriages...and frankly I don't know why.

I can't understand the need of people being angry and abusive...but also I can't understand the "victims" that they allow themselves to get hurt.

I don't know, whole my life I've been rational..and really can't understand this. But there must be an reason for that.

So if you find out please let me know :)

take care.

Answer 11

the abuser is the weak one with no self worth, the victim loves the abuser and has the courage to stay and work on the marriage because they love the abuser, and don't want to give up on their marriage. the abuser isn't strong at all, controls the one he is abusing because he has no control over anything else in his life.