My husband recently had a heart attack and we found out he had lung cancer.Not a suprise really seeing as how much he smokes he can smoke up to 6 packs a day if he is stressed.I am 24 going on 25 and my husband is 14 yrs older than me so sometimes i have trouble understanding him.He wont allow me to be with him when the doctor is in the room and wont tell me whats going on.All i know is that out of no where he wants sex all the time, is groping me in public,bought a new car a cobra i think is the name, and wants to go out clubing. Recently now he wants to have a baby and for me to come home?I dont think having a baby right now is a good idea i mean he already has a daughter who is 16 yrs old from a previous marriage.I was thinking maybe in another 2 yrs we could have a baby how to convince him not to have one now?I also love my job and being a house wife does not appeal to me at all.
2007-02-17 11:51:51 · 12 answers · asked by Melrose G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My hubby is stating to scare me?
2007-02-17 11:55:05 · update #1
Positive i was at the hospital when he had a heart attack and when the doctor told him he had lung cancer it was the last time i was allowed to stay with him while he was talking to the doctor.
2007-02-17 12:08:05 · update #2
As his wife, you can go talk to his doctors yourself, and learn what you need to know. As far as having a baby, I would not, unless you want to raise it by yourself after he dies. Keep your job too. You're going to be on your own soon, and have to provide for yourself. Humor him as much as be possible, but don't give in to him on all his demands. He's being unreasonable! In essence, not being insensitive to his conditions, he is going to most likely die, and you will have to look out for yourself now, or suffer the consequences when he does die. Good Luck!!
2007-02-17 12:19:58 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems a little young for a mid-life crisis but all the symptoms point that way. Trying to hang onto his youth. Secondhand smoke is a terrible thing to inflict on anyone, particularly a baby, so that would be the first thing that I see as a problem. Not allowing you in the room when he sees the dr. - what is that all about? What is he trying to hide? You have a right to know what is going on with him. He wants to go clubbing all the time yet wants a baby? The two don't go together. He sounds like he is scared of death and this way he will hang onto life. What is the prognosis for the lung cancer? It wouldn't be fair for you to have a child and lose him so that you were raising it all alone, not unless that is what YOU want.
If it were me, I would call his doctor. While you can't get any medical info about your husband, you certainly can inform the dr. about these major changes in his personality. Ask if he/she can suggest a counselor for your husband and for you, too. You two need to talk about these major changes and get things out in the open. Also, he might benefit from a cancer support group where he can share his fears with others who understand.
I do feel sorry for him as he does sound very scared right now but the things he is doing are not helping the situation, particularly your marriage. This is a time he should be able to confide in you and lean on you rather than demanding huge changes in your lives.
This is NOT the time for those changes, particularly not to bring a child into all of this. Make sure you continue with your current birth control method so that doesn't happen and urge him to get some help.
2007-02-17 12:02:10 · answer #2 · answered by mnnorthernlight 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The issue for him isn't having a baby. The issue is that he is scared. He had a heart attack and now has lung cancer. He sees his life flashing before his eyes, and he wants to do all the things he has wanted to do in life before he is either too ill to do them, or worse, can't do them because he could die. If you are almost 25 and he is 14 years older than you, that would make him almost 40. Men this age start to think about where they are in life anyway, even when they are perfectly healthy. Many men this age start to date younger women, buy sporty cars, dress differently, etc all in an attempt to feel younger again. Now consider the fact that your husband has serious health issues, and he has the right to feel scared. I mean, having a heart attack before the age of 40 is really not good. Really - it's not good. My brother had a heart attack about 2 years ago, but he was in his late 50's at the time. Your husband is still plenty young, so having a heart attack at his age is not good. Please, don't have a baby until you are ready to have one, because if the time isn't right, then that will be good for nobody. Just the same, please consider that your husband likely wants a child with YOU, since he already has one with his ex-wife, and he likely thinks that if you wait too long, he will be too ill to enjoy your child - or worse yet, he could be dead. As to the groping in public - well, you could tell him to simmer down a bit and he can have at it in private. The two of you have to decide what is best for you - none of us here in this forum can decide that for you. All I can tell you is that it seems pretty obvious that your husband is scared & is trying to do all he can do before it is too late to do them. Best wishes to you both.
2007-02-17 12:08:39 · answer #3 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow, I cannot believe you mother would charge you, especially that much!! Do you have any cousin's, or older nieces/nephews?? I am sure that they would be happy to babysit for much much less. I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old, and honestly....we are usually both too tired by the end of the night to do anything. However, the intimacy is very important to a marraige. Is there anyway that your husband would be willing to put the kids to bed while you shower (wash out the all of the mucus/pinesol out, lol!) and get a few minutes to make yourself feel more "sexy" ?? Just an idea, I hope you are able to get some more suggestions on here as well!
2016-05-23 23:57:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call his doctor and tell him how he has been behaving, he may be on mood elevators or Viagra. Tell his doctor everything about his wanting to have a baby and ask if that would be a good thing with the drugs he is on for his heart and the cancer. Are you absolutely sure he has these illnesses, there is just a slight chance he doesn't want you to know the nature of his illness and hes told you something to keep you quiet. Just a slight chance, but I don't understand why he won't tell you whats going on.Keep your job if he is sick you will need it.
2007-02-17 12:05:45 · answer #5 · answered by justa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that you should be more interested in his health problems than him wanting you to be at home. Who is going to support you? I know from experience that lung cancer can claim a life quickly. My brother was diagnosed last January, and on February 17, he was gone. I can understand if your husband wanted to spend as much time as possible with you if he knows that he doesn't have that much longer to be here. If he wants you to stay home, then he should at least share the diagnosis of his illness with you.
2007-02-17 12:25:11 · answer #6 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to here about your hubby. Unless you want to possibly raise a child by yourself I would't get pregant. I'm a single mom with only one child. She's seven years old. Life is so busy, I want to collapse as soon as I come home from work. As much as I love her I have so little free time for myself and adult friends. I did the stay at home mom thing with her for 5 years, loved every minute, but was always missing working outside the home and having my own money to spend.
2007-02-17 12:11:07 · answer #7 · answered by heartache 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you like being a career woman, that's what you should be. Your husband has no right to take you away from that. And if you're not ready for a child, he can't force you to have one. In all honesty, your marriage doesn't sound like a happy one. Ask yourself: Would your life be better with him or without him? Seriously, think about it.
2007-02-17 12:45:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may feel like his time is coming and he wants to spend as much time with you as he can but you need to think about him not always being there you need to be prepared.
2007-02-17 11:59:06 · answer #9 · answered by Ms. Q 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like your husband is really fearful of the future and is rying everything he can think of to bind you two together. try and be understanding but don't allow him to take over your life. if you do you could be regretful and angry in the end. reassure him and see if it sets his mind at ease
2007-02-17 12:04:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋