I think I may be gay. I'm still not sure.?

Question

I'm 17 years old, and I'm still not exactly sure what it is I am, but I believe I'm gay. I think the only reason I deny this feeling is because I fear telling my father. If anyone has any ideas on how to handle this, please help me.

Answer 1

mark if you are gay you are gay it doesnt matter what you dad thinks.you only get one life and you should live it being happy and to please yourself not others.

Answer 2

First, don't tell your father. If you are gay, you should only come out to parents when you have a safety plan. You need to have somewhere to live, and some money to live on. If your parents are going to help you through college, do not tell them you are gay until you are finished, if you are at all unsure about their reaction.

Now - are you gay or not? One of the best indicators is what you fantasize about when masturbating. If your fantasies are mostly about doing it with a guy, yes, you are most likely gay. If you think mostly about women, are probably straight.

Remember that almost no-one is entirely straight or gay - you might be almost completely one or the other, but you may feel attraction or at least acknowledge the attractiveness/beauty of the other sex. It doesn't matter if you are completely gay, mostly gay, or just a tiny bit gay - whatever you are, that is you, and you should enjoy your life and your sexuality. You cannot alter your sexuality, which is normally set before puberty.

For some help and guidance, try PFLAG (Parents and friends of Lesbians and Gays) or your local Gay Straight Alliance (GSA). You'll find website addresses for both if you Google them with your home town name/state.

Answer 3

This is one of the most common questions young guys ask themselves. The truth is, very few of us are 100% straight (or 100% gay). Lots of heterosexual men have fantasies about other guys, sometimes at the peak of orgasm, and this leaves them feeling very insecure. It's one of the most carefully kept secrets in male society. You're really only gay when you've concluded, without a doubt, that you enjoy males sexually more than females. Random fantasies and even sexual encounters don't make you gay.

So, what do you do if you think you truly are gay but have serious moral objections to the idea of being homosexual? This is a matter of grave concern. Tragically, the suicide rate of gay teens is enormously high. But there is hope. Luckily, today there are many, many resources available for gay youth, especially in cities. There are also many such resources on the Web. You don't have to live your life in agony, denial, or worse. Talk to somebody and get help. Happiness and peace of mind can very definitely be in your future — you just have to be strong and brave and go out and search for it.

Relax. You won't get "locked into" gay behavior just because of a few encounters with people your age. At the same time, though, it's important not to get too focused on this side of sexuality if there's another side you'd like to explore as well. Feel free to check out the various options, and then determine what kinds of sexuality you'd like to continue exploring for the rest of your life. As long as you keep your options and your mind open, happiness with your sexuality won't be far behind.

Answer 4

You may be right, but at 17 your sexuality may not have sorted itself out yet. It might therefore be a little early to tell your dad. You might get suggestions to ring the gay and lesbian switchboard. I used to suggest this but most of the feedback I got from patients is that they just assume everyone that contacts them must be gay and proceed accordingly. This may not be the most helpful advise at this moment, when you are unsure.

Whatever your sexuality is you can neither control or change it, you are what you are. Last comment if you do decide there is no doubt chat to your dad. Hopefully in this day and age if he loved you before he will still.

Answer 5

Hey buddy,
It's a tough question, but generally if you have to ask... then you are gay. Or you may just might be one of us who has tendencies to both sexes. Frankly at age 17, most of us are stuck in a cloud of hormones so dense it can be pretty confusing. You can be gay and still get off with girls, you can be straight and still end up experimenting. ...all in all it really does not matter. what is important is that you allow yourself to love and be loved by someone.

As for you dad, it's tough to come out to your parents. I didn't tell my dad until I was 35, even though I had told my mother, friends, even co-workers. I was basically afraid of his disapproval. And hey.. he was not happy about it (as I predicted) but I think he was more hurt that I had cut him out of my life for so many years.

Answer 6

You need to tell him. He's your father. He may not be happy with your choice. He may yell, rant and rave to vent his anger. After it's done, he will have to make a decision, either accept it or not accept it.

Under these circumstances, if my son turns out to be gay, I wouldn't be thrilled, but I would appreciate hearing it from him, rather than hearing about it from someone else or walking in on him by mistake.

Be a man, you've already made the decision.

Answer 7

Until you begin dating guys and have a proper boyfriend, you don't need to tell anyone who may not understand. Sexuality is private anyway, we don't need to go shouting out what we like to do behind closed doors from the rooftops. If you really are gay, not just bi-curious or something, then wait until you find someone you love, then your love for them will become the most important thing and other people's opinions won't matter so much.

Hope that helps, don't kick yourself

Answer 8

I believe you are the best expert on your sexual orientation..in other words, sound like you already know.
So, you want to tell your father something.
*Think about why you want to tell him.
Write a list of all the positive (relief, so that he is aware, to know you better) and negative reasons (pressure from your partner, or anything else you can think of) for telling him whatever they may be.
*What exact words would you say? (write them down)
*List possible positive reactions and possible negative reactions from your father.
*What might you feel/do with each possibility?
....you know your father better than any of us do, so if you do the steps above, you will have a better idea if its a good idea to tell your father or not, or you might have a better idea of what to expect and how to handle it.

Answer 9

You still have time to decide dont pressure your self i was in the same boat two years ago i came out to my brother first wierd a no and he reacted fine so i then told my friends on my 18th birthday and one came out as a lesbian bac and the other bi youll be surprised how many people come out once someone goes first. i finally came out to my parents last august and met my boyfriend of 6 months in september hes great and i never been happier. i was fearful bout telling my dad to but he took it better than my mam lol. you wont no how theyll react till you do it so dont be scared most parents already no . take your time and do it wen you feel ready. Good Luck Mate X

Answer 10

ask your self this .. if u were on an island the rest of your life would you rather be with a male or a female nacked o.k. thats resolved now why tell youe father why add more stress to your life your going on 18 your becomeing a man if your father ever ask then tell him. dont be ashamed of being who you are gay or straight your dad will love you forever

Answer 11

hey hunny being gay isnt exactly as taboo as it used to be. everyone is becoming much more liberal so dont feel it wont be accepted.i have so many gay friends that felt the exact same about telling their parents. it wont be such a big deal in the end. as regards ur dad, his reaction could be good or bad but he will accept you once he realises ur serious about ur feelings, your his son and he loves you. all parents want for us is to be happy, whether its with a woman or man or a sheep. best of luck.