If my daughter's father can't support her should he have rights to her?

Question

My four year old daughter's father is an alcholic who has a learning disibility that entitales him to SSI. He is trying through court to have his child support reduced. The last time he came to my house he was drunk. Nothing would make me happier if I never had to deal with him ever again. I alson think that my daughter would be better off if she never knew what her father is like. But I don't know if I can have his paternity rights revoked.

In the six years since I have known him he has not been sober for more then a few months at a time. His disability does not keep him from getting a job but as soon as we went to court almost three years ago he quit a job in which he was making twice as much as I was. Visitaion has never been set he dosn't care that much. But he did care enough to call me and tell me that I am going to get into trouble because I was getting both SSI and child support. The real kicked is he was the one that set it up that way I didn't even know my daughter could recieve SSI. I work hard to support her to the best of my ability yet he has not worked to support her since we went to court even though he is quite capable.

Answer 1

get a lawyer and try...do you want her to be with him when he is drunk and perhaps driving her around town....or he is passed out and she is sick with a high fever....think about how much risk you are putting her in....don't let it happen

Answer 2

I was able to have my alcoholic ex-husband's visitation revoked. But he had attempted suicide and was hospitalized.

As others have said - NEVER let him take the child if he has been drinking -- call the police instead. At the very least, you should be able to reduce him to visitations that are supervised by someone appointed by the courts.

My son was just shy of 6 years old the last time he saw his father (9 years ago). He had lost his job that he had been with for over 10 years and the only time I got support payments was when they docked his unemployment or they arrested him for non-payment. I knew I wouldn't get it often, so I never relied on it, and when it did come, I used it to treat my son to little things I otherwise couldn't afford.

My biggest fear after terminating visitation was abduction, because his behavior had become very erratic. I got a P.O. Box and moved so he wouldn't know where we were. Sadly, he never recognized that he could have gotten back into our son's life by going through rehab and getting sober. Instead he just beat-up on himself more, and passed away before turning 40, when our son was just 7. Now my son collects SS Survivor's benefits.

I'm unsure of the rules around SSI Disability and Child support. Here is the Social Security Administration website, you will probably find answers there:
http://ssa.gov/

I am sorry to hear that someone else is going through a similar situation. It is very hard to raise a child under these circumstances. At first, my son blamed me for kicking his father out, so I had to explain that Daddy was sick and it was not safe to be around him until he went for treatment, and it was up to Daddy to choose to go for that treatment. So then came the heartbreaking question: "Why doesn't Daddy love me?" Alcoholism and drug abuse are hard enough for adults to understand - explaining it to a 5 year old is nearly impossible. I just said that Daddy's illness has changed the way he thinks, so he can't always see things clearly. His father did adore our son, but the addictions were too strong for him.

10 years have passed, and I still don't think my son really understands. But the one good thing to come from it is that he's not drinking and getting high like many of his friends do, because I also told him from a very young age that if he does, there is a good chance that he could get addicted like his father.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 3

Okay, my daughter's father rarely pays child support, and he loses his job so often that even though his wages are garnished to pay child support, my kids rarely receive any money. Still, he has rights to his children. How would you feel if your child lived with him and you couldn't afford to pay support, for whatever reason, and then you were denied your parental rights as a result? That wouldn't be fair, would it? That's how the court sees it. Now things change when the non-custodial parent can be proven to be harmful to your child. Currently, my ex-husband has a restraining order against him because of things he has said and done to my kids, especially my daughter. He has been shown to the court to be emotionally abusive to my kids and any contact with their father will likely result in emotional and possible physical harm to my children. His rights as a parent have not been terminated, but he may have no contact until he can prove to the court that he is fit to be around our kids. You might try that course of action. If he is drunk when around your child, he poses a danger to you and your child, in that he is not thinking with a clear head and is subject to irrational and dangerous behavior. This is a good case for getting a restraining order or at least changing the parenting/visitation plan so that he can't be around your daughter until he proves satisfactorily to the court that he is safe to be around. I wish you all the best with this. I know what you mean about "nothing would make me happier if I never had to deal with him ever again". I feel the exact same way about my ex. Problem is, we made children together, so we have no choice in the matter. We do however, have the choice to protect our kids & there are ways to do that & still have little to no contact with the other parent.

Answer 4

Depends on the state you live in. Many states are now NOT allowing a link between child support and visitation; i.e., they don't care if he's paying or not, he has the right to see his child. But you can appeal to the judge by filing a motion concerning this IF you think the father's influence isn't good on your child--like you said, being drunk, etc. IF HE is taking the child WITH HIM for visitation when drunk--do not allow that AT ALL!! CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY and don't let him take her. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING---WRITE IT ALL DOWN, DATES, TIMES, ETC. SO YOU WILL HAVE SOMETHING SOLID TO PRESENT TO THE JUDGE!! You can also ask the judge to evaluate him mentally; and you can ask as well to have "supervised visitation", i.e. he will have a social worker in the room with him during ANY visitation. Good luck. IF he is/was abusive in any manner towards you or your daughter, or you feel like he is a danger, you may file a FREE "Protection From Abuse" (or similarly named document) at your local courthouse, it's like a restraining order but IT'S FREE and will last for 1 year. You can renew if for another, and if he comes around AT ALL, drunk or not, you call the police and he goes to jail. Try to get one of these, doesn't sound like the situation is gonna get any better.

Answer 5

Well if you tell your lawyer and the judge that he keeps coming over drunk and your scared one day he might hurt you or your daughter, they will revoke his parental rights in a hurry. And make sure the child support stays the same. Because if he can afford to get drunk all the time he should be able to pay child support. So go forward with it and don't worry about his feelings. So go to teh lawyer and start talking.

Answer 6

You need to let your attorney know that you are concerned with letting her go with him when there are signs of him being intoxicated or drunk. He will advise you accordingly and follow whatever he says accordingly. He will help you gather all the evidence you need to produce to the courts and show your reasons for wanting to deny or stop visitations. I do clearly understand your position on his drinking and your right! But his ability to pay support is not as important as her safety & well being. If he's been drinking prior to picking her up, and you let her get into his car, both of you would be allowing her to get into a vehicle with an impaired driver at the wheel knowingly. This is Child Endangerment if you ask me and both of you are not looking out for her safety or well being. See Your Attorney As Soon As Possible, is my advise.
But according to the Code of Family laws, you are not to deny visitation to the other parent just because they have not paid child support or have a pending case in which they are trying to reduce the amount of child support they pay. The visiting parent could make or be making a case/record of each denial that you have already denied them and use it against you later. And most courts will see you as the violator of the court's order and you could possibly lose custody of your little girl. No matter what you may think or know about the other person it's not up to you to decide whether he gets to see her or not. If he has court ordered visitations, please be aware of the consequences:

You could be held in contempt of court. (See Family Code Sect. 6.506).
You could be finded a minimum of $500
In addition, the Judge will order you to pay the other party's attorney's fees for bringing any contempt actions against you.
At a minimum, if the Judge finds that you are in violation of visitation orders, he/she may order additional periods of possession or access in accordance with Section 157.168 of the Family Code. The Judge may also require you to post a bond or security to assure future compliance with the court's order.
Be forewarned that if you are jailed, the Judge would probably give the child to the other parent.
The Court has determined that your child needs BOTH of her parents. Denying visitation to the other parent is child abuse. There are serious consequences
Also no matter what your opionion is of him, taking a parent away from a child is one of the most devasting & tragic events that could happen to a child. They may be a dead beat or a loser too you, but to the child they are daddy and they will always be their daddy, and there is nothing more precious to a child than to feel love from both parents. A persons true colors always show through, so why not fix what you can and try to make a better life for her than the one she currently has. Both parents arguing or fighting with each other!
I was taken away from my parents by the courts at the age of 3 because of their constant fighting & bickering about vistations and who was the better parent, etc.. And my dad didn't pay his support on time for the most part but he did pay it. And when I was old enough to find them, they both had already passed away. I not only lost my parents once but twice. And all I ever wanted was to be with them, either one of them and have them hold me. Because they were my parents.

Answer 7

You can't have his rights revoked. You need to write into the visitation agreement that he needs to be sober at the time of the visits.

But yes, he should have some access. You can make his life miserable by demanding that he book specific times and at least 24 hours in advance. And you can impose limitations. But she needs NEEDS to know him. She needs to know what kind of a bum he is, so that when she's 12 she doesn't say "Mom. you suck and I'm going to dad".

I guess what you gain out of this is experience and knowledge...we don't procreate with bums and drunks.

Answer 8

The sad truth is, if you interrupt the relationship between your daughter and her father, she is very likely to resent you for it when she gets older. He has the right to see his daughter, even if he is a drunk. The only problem I would have is him taking her for visits that involve him driving, because of the danger he is putting her in. Try to have the visits supervised. When she gets older, if she decides she doesn't want a relationship with him, that will be her choice, but don't make it for her now.

It sounds like you just don't want to deal with him, so you'd revoke his rights to make things easier for you. You chose him as the father of your child...now deal with the consequences. Unless he's a danger to her, do what's best for her, not you.

Answer 9

The court should enforce some child support, even if it is not much. If he is an alcoholic, you should be asking the court for supervised visitations. This way he will have to be sober and will be supervised when he is with the child.

Answer 10

Good luck, My step-daughter's dead-beat dad lets her watch R-rated movies, when he has visitation, but he won't pay his child-support unless it's time for a warrant, then he pays the minimum. Then also when he has her he takes her around second hand smoke. Otherwise, he doesn't really care about her, he just wants to aggravate us. Bad influence. He would be much more beneficial to her if he died of being so stupid. Can't wait I know it's inevitable.

Answer 11

yes he has a right to see her but he does not have a right to be intoxicated around her or put her in any danger. you can go to court and have this stated in visitation that he is to not use any mind altering drugs while on a visit with her. if he then does it call chil protective services on him get him back to court and revoke the visits. but your daughter needs to know who her father is. It may take her as it did mine till they are teens to see what he is about o what he is like. better for her to figure it out then you to down grade him to her.