To put all this simply,if i can..lol lately my bf seems to be pushing me away by being less affectionate. I tend to take things to heart though, I asked him what the hell is wrong, do you want us to go our seperate ways, cause its' like he's just not there sometimes. He gets crappy with me for thinking like that, says to me why do you think i don't love you anymore,then he says he does love me and wants us to be together,and asks why i think like that.Arrg so i tell him again,I say well you never seem happy to see me, you hardly show me affection anymore,he tells me he's got some problems, that have nothing to do with me , that no one can help him with, only time can sort it,(to do with his divorce and kids,low self esteem work dramas and stuff) fair enough but why bring everyone else down..Im suffereing the kids are sufferring cause he's such a grump, and according to him Im bossy cause i suggest he commincate a bit better to avoid all this crap.
2007-02-17 11:07:08 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
When he is being a grump just simply ignore him. "Ignore" being the keyword for the situation, will just pop questions into his mind for instance,"Why am I being ignored?" Don't even question him when he is being moody because then he will just keep doing it again and again. I know that it is not attention that he wants, but I definetly do know that if you don't acknowledge him that depressing feeling you get will be gone. Just ignore all the depression and maybe do something fun with the kids. Maybe he will realize that he needs to stop feeding everyone his feelings because no one likes being near a miserable person.
2007-02-17 11:23:48 · answer #1 · answered by Dior_Gal 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, he believes that he has problems that cannot be solved (or can only be fixed over time). really though, waiting around for something to fix itself is never a good idea. i'm not sure to what extent his 'problems' are but just let him know that you're there for him and that you love him, don't get discouraged even though putting up with is depressing behavior can be difficult. so yeah, let him know that if he wants to talk then you're there to listen (but really, you need to listen) if he thinks you're pushy (whether you are or not) he's gonna avoid talking to you about the things bothering him. but just give him some space when he's in a bad mood and he might come around, if not you could always suggest family counseling.
2007-02-17 19:35:05 · answer #2 · answered by Heather 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can I make a suggestion? Stop asking him "what the hell is wrong with you?" Stop making it about you. It's your tone of voice, the WAY you're asking him that makes him not want to come to you. Be sympathetic with him. I'd frankly be more worried about HIM than our relationship, but you seem to have jumped the gun and got his case. He might not want to talk to you if you jump all over him for being down. Some of us are just more sensitive than others and the last thing someone whose down wants to hear is "what the hell is wrong with you, why don't you just cheer up for crying out loud". TALK to him like you actually care about HIS feeling, be open and willing to simply hear him. Have absolutely no expectations from it, and I guarantee you things will change. But keep acting like that and you will only keep pushing him away. Right now, he can't trust you with his feelings. Be his safe harbor.
BTW... I mean no disrespect. Just wanted you to see how he was most likely seeing it. It sounds very much like he feels attacked. My husband isn't an emotional person, he's an intellectual person and it's taken me YEARS to get the man to understand that "just knock it off and cheer up" does not work. People need people to talk to, to understand their feelings, and they need to feel safe sharing those feelings. Stop accusing and make him feel safe sharing with you and I guarantee things will change. You're just going about it the wrong way, hon. The old saying "you catch more bees with honey" really is true. Make him want and feel safe sharing his feelings, not wrong for feeling them.
2007-02-17 19:20:31 · answer #3 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be more supportive, if you look at some depressed people its not easy for them, and if you let things be instead of asking him questions, obviously he must love you if he can say it to you. So give him some room to breath, tell him that your here if you need to talk to me or if you need to lean on me and I love you- and I hope whatevers deppressing you you'll get over soon. He may feel he can talk to you instead of having to please you all the time.Good luck though.
2007-02-17 19:41:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
communication is helpful and you might want to do some soul searching to find out how yu really want to approach the problem. My advice be kind and patient as long as you can and then get some outside help.
2007-02-17 19:16:52 · answer #5 · answered by matthew m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im going throught the same thing with my bf.he seems to get really moody when things dont go well and stuff...right now we are on a break...and he seems to be ok with it.
im being very very patient with him cuz i care for him alot.....
thats the only thing we can do..give them their space..sometimes they just need to figure out where they are and what they want.we have to support them if we really care.so try to be patient and don't get annoyed ar nag at hime..he'll come to u in his own time.
2007-02-17 19:27:03 · answer #6 · answered by pixie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he would probably benefit from anti-depressants such as lexopro and maybe you could give him a BJ that would make him happy...
2007-02-17 19:15:39 · answer #7 · answered by Thomas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋