Okay i am 24 yrs old and have been married year and half.Before my husband i had severe relationship phobia it started with my first bf senior year.He became my first everything from kiss to well you know and he was experienced so he pretty much could talk me into anything.He got me pregnant then left me came back and left me again i was extremley depressed trying hard to hide it.I lost the baby at 5 months and things got worse.When i started college i through myself into school started making new friends and put that behind me so i thought.Virtually every relationship i had after with a bf's i ended before i got close emotionally .After about 5 yrs of this i made the decision to stop doing this because it was unhealthy and started seeing my husband of 1.5 yrs.When he brought up baby talk all the ignored problems came back?
2007-02-17 10:01:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am going to start seeing a therapist next week but i still have no idea why i keep shutting down emotionally on my hubby?At this point we are on the verge of divorce because i cant relate to him on an emotional level always and sex is just sex to me.
2007-02-17 10:05:35 · update #1
Hubby gave me an ultimatium to fix this in 6 months or divorce.He has started to treat me like i am crazy.
2007-02-17 10:15:43 · update #2
Well you really haven't forgiven him inside . It really is going to take time to forgive him . That is the reason you can't physically be in this relationship . You may blame him for things that have happened and I think you should take time off from your marriage and think about how you really feel about him and if you can really forgive him for hurting you in the past . Your heart is hardened and you have to find a way to open it to the ones who love you or want to love you . GOOD LUCK !!!!
2007-02-17 10:12:49 · answer #1 · answered by Me777 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, the past is in the past, and hopefully your husband understands that. I can tell you that the loss of a child, for whatever reason, is very painful - more for some than others. That is not so easy to get past, no matter how hard we try. I had a miscarriage almost 10 years ago. I wasn't nearly as far along as you, but I saw my baby on the sonogram, saw it's limbs and head and body, but no beating heart. It devastated me. I got over it fairly soon only because 2 months later I got pregnant with my daughter and my focus was on keeping that baby alive.
My daughter is now almost 9 years old and I STILL have pangs now and then over the loss of my baby. If that baby had not died, I would not have been pregnant with my daughter, so that makes it easier for me to deal with. Your situation is different. Still, just know that those of us who have lost a baby know how painful it is, and you are not alone. It hurts. It's normal to be afraid to get pregnant again. When and if you and your husband do decide to have a baby, just know that every pregnancy is different, and what happened the first time won't necessarily happen again. If you tell your doctor your concerns, he/she will monitor things closely. It's good that your ignored problems are coming back. Now you can deal with them head on. Trust your husband to be supportive and understanding. Lean on him. Don't expect him to read your mind, especially because he has not experienced this loss of your baby with you - YOU experienced it. Allow him to be there for you. It will all work out. Blessings to you both.
2007-02-17 10:11:43 · answer #2 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I am sorry for the pain you have endured over the past relationship. I think any therapist would likely tell you that you have some unresolved issues that need exploring. Before you let this problem further intrude into your current happy life, why not talk to a professional maybe alone and then with your husband to help you both understand past pain. Maybe only then will you be able to deal more effectively both with your past experience and future life with husband and possible family. Good luck.
2007-02-17 10:07:47 · answer #3 · answered by Jo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to forgive yourself. Next you have to spend time thinking on what is right and comfortable for you to heal. Your thinking had you to make decisions that put you in a position not think on what is best for you. You seem to be the one who always is hurting and now you are hurting your new family. Don't let the past rob you of happiness. If you haven't had a talk with your husband and expressed to him what have been going inside you, then after confessing this , forgive yourself because it wasn't your fault. Try putting the pass behind you and going forward and start the path of happiness.
2007-02-17 10:34:38 · answer #4 · answered by tyleshia12 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Losing a baby is a traumatic experience and not having someone there to share it with you is really really almost impossible to get through. And then on top of it to have your first relationship be an unhealthy one has scarred you and I'm afraid in order to make your marriage stand the test of time you're going to have to get counseling to deal with what happened in the past ---otherwise you can't go forward. All guys aren't jerks like the first one -- it sounds like your husband will be right there with you helping you go through it this time. Good luck
2007-02-17 10:09:31 · answer #5 · answered by GrnEyedBlondeSwede 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You haven't fully let go of the anger and the hurt that your first boyfriend caused. Make sure you talk to your husband about this and let him know. It may be a good decision on your part to start seeing a professional. It is VERY important that you talk to your husband and make sure he understands where you are coming from. Know that your husband brought up kids because he wants one WITH you. He isn't going to abandon you like the other guy did. Your husband loves you and he is in it for the long haul. You have to trust him and yourself.
2007-02-17 10:08:40 · answer #6 · answered by butterflywndr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now that I am married I have been careful of what I say to people and especially my husband in terms of my past...because I have changed so much as individual and things that I did back when I was young do not matter to me....I just have blocked it out of my mind.
Before my wedding my ex fiance decided to cause trouble and emailed my brother, sister and now my husband stating things that I had done. I was humiliated and extremely embarrassed...did I do those things that he claimed...yes I did...but it was such a long time ago. I became a new person when I started to date my husband.
2007-02-17 10:09:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a therapist so I really don't know what to tell you, but I think going to a therapist is a really smart move and hopefully he/she will be able to help you answer these questions. You should also consider going to marriage counseling with your husband so the two of you can work out your issues together. Good luck!
2007-02-17 10:07:56 · answer #8 · answered by cg17 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply put, you did not deal with your past issues, go to therapy, Even though its been years, you will never get over the lose of a baby with out help.
2007-02-17 10:09:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first my condolences for your loss. seeing a therapist is a good option . seeing a marriage counselor may also help. that way you are both involved because it is both of your problem. i wish you the best of luck
2007-02-17 10:20:24 · answer #10 · answered by simplyme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋