can someone help me understand what I'm going through ?

Question

well, I have been in a complicated situation in my life where until now I cannot understand what has happened ...!! when I fell in love with my gf, I was in a cultic religion that I didn't like , there were a lot of false rules preventing association with my gf who was a very good person ...!!so I got out of it and try to get back to the former religion I was in before joining the cultic one ..but, it was a difficult process, by that time I was feeling lost ...My gf was completing different from me, with a completely different religion which contradicts both of the organization I was part of ..and follow a completely strange and different belief systems ...I loved her a lot , I didn't find it was a reason to leave but I was really feeling uncomfortable in the relationship ..after a while being with her, she tries to push her belief on me ..I tried to understand her and even tried to join her but I couldn't because I was so convinced of my core beliefs ..

that I couldn't make a move ..We argued 10 months on this topic trying to save the relationship ...later, we broke up, and after a while, I felt that my beliefs are polluted ...!! feeling then a double sense of loss ....loss of a person , and loss of conviction in my core belief ..!!
I feel really disoriented ...!!! why is that happening to me ..? can you explain me why ?

Answer 1

You've answered your own question. You feel so disoriented because you have had to go through the loss of your relationship, and loss of religious conviction. Those are massive changes, which will certainly cause a lot of stress and uncertainty in any person experiencing them.

It's also really common for people to go through periods in life when they question their beliefs. It's not only normal, it's actually a very good thing. You shouldn't believe just anything without question. After this experience you will likely end up coming out the other end far stronger than you were before. You'll either

1) think it through really well and decide that you really do truly believe in your previous beliefs which is very validating, and you'll know better "why" you believe what you do

or

2) decide that you don't actually feel strongly about your beliefs, and end up learning a lot about yourself as you sort through your experiences to decide what you believe (most of us keep looking for our whole lives). At least you found that out now and not later right?

As for your relationship, it is so hard to find a correct match. Neither of you are to blame for not being compatible, and sadly it is really difficult to make mixed religion relationships work (but not impossible). I'm sure that you'll find someone better suited for you, but first perhaps you should work on finding yourself again.

There is nothing to fear about not knowing what you believe in. Most of us don't, and those who believe in something firmly still have questions. Try to look at it as an opportunity to grow and explore. Read about subjects that greatly interest you. Pick up a philosophy book. You can learn to enjoy the mystery in life, and the wonder that you had as a child can return when you realise how little we truly understand. The fun is in the journey. That's life.

So breathe, and do something that you love.

Answer 2

Never be a follower except of your own heart. Never try to change unless it is for yourself. Youre probably feeling the loss because you havent found someone else. If you are not happy with a person then move on. A relationship cant be a relationship if you both arent happy and willing to accept the others differences. No two people are alike and thats what makes this world so great. And no one should push their likes and dislikes on anyone else. If you want to believe in a rock then that is your right and no one should tell you different and you shouldnt have to change to make that person happy. Whats happening with you is your feeling lonely and since she was someone that you already had and now dont have of course you are going to miss her but you said it your self you werent comfortable with her so she wasnt the one. Follow your own beliefs what makes you happy and before you know it that special girl will come into your life.

Answer 3

It sounds a lot like grief. You are grieving for the relationship and love you have lost, for what it could have been but never was or will be and for her loss as well. I am sure you were right to get free from the cult, and I am also sure you have lost nothing of your core being. You may feel a bit tarnished by your association with the cult, but you are actually stronger now. I am not sure she will ever recover from her experience with the cult. You did what you could, and now it is up to her. The best advice I can give you is try to have some patience with her and with yourself.

Answer 4

You are going through the pain of seperation from a person you loved and a faith you loved.

For 13 years we were totally committed to our church and a group of 8 couples. This was our church life and our social life.
Due to a divorce of the pastor and wife (they were in our group) our entire church life and social life imploded and ceased to exist.
It must have taken 2 or 3 years before the pain finally went away.

We were away from any church for 3 or 4 years and then began to attend a new one. My faith is strong and I truly loved this church and the people even though it was a more demanding religon than I could fully align to. Again We became fully committed to this church and the people there. After 4 years again 2 things happened. One the Paster denying something he had told me clearly with witnesses. This wasn't an ignorable thing. Also a fellow church member took something of mine and refused to return it when ask or basically stole it. So we departed this church and haven't really attended since. You know when Christians you love and trust betray you, it is profoundly heart breaking.

This causes tremendous pain, to lose someone you love and the religon you love. You can get over it, but it will not be fast. Keep your faith. Consider that next time in your love relationship you must be flexable. Many couples marry and keep their own faith.

Prayer will help you get through this time.

Answer 5

you should go and talk to your "pastor". I'm sure they can help you. sounds like to me you need someone of your own belief. you will strengthen each other. sorry i couldn't be of more help. i will be praying for you though.

Answer 6

I wish I could tell you something to ease your mind, the best thing for you to do is just follow your heart.