Husband is unemployed. We have a 2.5 yr. old and now an unplanned pregancy. Need advice, please.?

Question

My head is spinning. I don't know what to do. My period was late so I took a test and it was positive. Yikes. My husband and I have a 2.5 year old boy already. We both work(ed) full-time, opposite shifts, until last month when my husband lost his job! The bills are piling up and now I'm pregnant and very scared.

As it is, my husband and I don't get along that great, but yet he still wants sex often. Because of the emotional instability of our marriage I rarely want sex. I do "give in" occassionally. Our "birth control" method was him pulling out. Not the safest birth control method, which is evident now that I'm pregnant.

I have so much pressure on me right now and I feel that Not having another baby is my only choice. I feel terrible though because there are so many wonderful couples who can't have kids, and then here I am pregnant and not sure what to do. Am I meant to have this new baby?

I would really, really appreciate any support or advice.

Nervous in NY

As stated above, I already have a full-time job that I've worked at for 7 years. I'm getting some messages from people saying that I need to work.....I already do, but my income alone is not enough.

Also, I make "too much" to qualify for any type of government help.

Answer 1

the day my second son was born my best friend was laying her little boy to rest he died in a car wreck so GOD has now blessed you with another life be happy things will work out and go for all the assistance you can go on welfare and get help from your church in your area ask about your township trustees they help pay heating bills food banks wick women infants and children also pregnant moms take it while you can till your life's get steady again also no marriage is ever made in heaven so work things out and be happy!!!!!!mom of 3 grandma of1

Answer 2

Make him get another job! Even if it doesn't pay well, at least it is something. If the job search lasts longer than you both hoped, a second job would probably be best for him. You may not see each other very often so make the best out of your time together! If your marriage is emotionally unstable, not having sex is going to make it worse. Don't feel like you are "giving in" either. Plan on having sex a few nights a week and put finances, your son's problems, jobs, and any thing else that may be bothering you out of your mind for 15 minutes! You can not connect with your husband like sex allows you to if you are worrying! Good luck with everything!
One more thing, if you get rid of this baby, you will regret it. Imagine not having your son...

Answer 3

Like I told my sister when she had an unplanned pregnancy under very unstable circumstances...

Go somewhere quiet and think long and hard if you can live with the idea of terminating your pregnancy.

If the answer is no...then you have some heavy planning to do and 9 months to get your life in order for the sake of your current and your future child. Try family outreach programs, they may be able to assist with helping you find financial and mental support for the long road ahead.

If the answer is yes...then you have to weigh the pros and cons of keeping vs terminating the pregnancy...and make that decision for YOURSELF not for the women who can't get pregnant or the naysayers who are against abortion. It's your body and your decision to make.

As far as your marriage is concerned, with or without the pregnancy, it sounds like you two need counseling. I don't know what your marriage was like prior to your husband losing his job, it sounds like the strain has been caused by the unfortunate situation and the financial stress the two of you are under.

Has your husband become depressed over losing his job? Has he been actively trying to find new employment? Only you know if he's a good man that has fallen on hard times...if this is the case then he needs your support now more than ever...that's marriage, one of you has to remain strong if the other gets weak. But if both of you get weak, it's a wrap.

Keep it together and focus on a plan for both yourself and your family. Right now you are the captain of the ship and you have to buckle down and lead your family out of the storm.

Answer 4

hey don't be nervous it happens to the best of us. If you weren't suppose to have this baby then you wouldn't have gotten pregnant. Everything happens for a reason. You seem to be mentioning not carrying the baby to term. If you have to go on here to ask that then you already know what you want the answer to be. Yes there are many many women who can not give birth, but you need to do what you want. Your husband needs to get another job even if its flipping burgers because the bills do not care how the money was earned. Everything always works out. Keep your head up and good luck.

Answer 5

Dear Nervous, I think you and your husband need some time to sit down and talk.you should try and communicate your fears and feelings. I ended up with an unplanned pregnancy (I already had two children), no job, and a husband that was having psychotic episodes(i didn't know that he was having them!). This child came into this world with a birth defect on his spine (he's fine thank God). But he has given me a courage and determination I NEVER knew I had. I think your husband should look for a job ANY job. What matters is getting your family ahead. He shouldn't feel ashamed about not having a job, neither should you. Your at a place where your confused, overwhelmed, scared and worried. you need to "pause" pray(if you do) and concentrate on what's important.

Answer 6

Sometimes situations are scary at first, but Im sure things will end up working out. It would be a terrible thing to not have this baby and everything ends up great in a month or two. Just go with the flow and have your precious baby. Dont do something you would regret. Things will be fine. He wont be unemployed forever and you can get on medicaid.

Answer 7

Im really sorry to hear all this. I would maybe try some counseling if you are open to that, make him look for a new job. And im sure he really cares about you and his kids so him finding a new job should not hurt him at all. But remember don't pull your kids thru a rough marriage. If you guys are really doing that bad and counseling doesnt work, you may want to go other ways. Im not sure what things are like with you guys, but that is my opinion. Good luck with everything!!

Answer 8

I feel for you. Have you tried and gotten help from like Job and Family Services? I know that would be alot of pressure, but remember that you married for better and for worse. Give your husband so credit, as this just happened. Give him moral support. Is he looking for another, or just given up? Try looking up like a Social Service place. Best Wishes and Good Luck! Just remember, everyone hits rock bottoms at times, you will eventually work your way through it.

Answer 9

Ouch, that's hard. I didn't keep my second, babe, and I don't look back. Except sometimes I accidentally wear black on the anniversary, if you will.
But now, are there any laws against the two of you giving your child to an infertile couple?
It's so hard to find a healthy baby in America, geez, I would think you could swing this on a logical note.
Maybe not in your heart, and I totally understand that that is between the two of you.
Good luck to ALL of you!

Answer 10

The choice is yours 2 keep your new baby or not. personaly, i'm against abortion, but i won't make the choice for u, and considering your situation, i wouldn't be against whatever choice you made. Just please 4 the sake of your unborn child, don't give him/her up for adoption. i have a friend who came from an orphanedge, and according 2 him it really sucks. plus, half the kids there don't even get adopted, and just go out on thier own when they r 18.But, either way, it sounds like oyu need money quick. have a friend watch your son, and get a job before you get too pregnant to work. have your husband lookm 4 a new job 2.