He gave me an ultimatium to fix my emotional problems by myself in therapy or he will divorce me in 6 months.He says these problems are mine not his and if he new about them before he would have never have dated me let alone married me.I did go to a therapist and he told me there was not miracle cure for my problems and that he thought 6 months would not be enough time for him to fix everything.Problems i have are intimacy issues ie. sex is just sex and emotional that i cant seem to fix so i often times have trouble relating to my hubby.I thought they would go away for good after i got married so i never told him.To be honest i thought they had gone away on their own.I feel horrible when he yells at me about it like today and it makes me emotionally shut down.I am trying but he does not seem to notice or care?
2007-02-17 09:19:36 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has begun to treat me as if i am crazy.Honestly its not as if i emotionally blow up its that i emotionally detach myself and shut down.
2007-02-17 09:24:06 · update #1
I am only 24 yrs old
2007-02-17 09:27:41 · update #2
I also work
2007-02-17 09:55:52 · update #3
If he's yelling at you about them he is more concerned with himself then with you. He's being very selfish. But, I'm assuming your both young (meaning in your 20's) and young men can be. They see that the world revolves around them.
Also, unfortunately, society sells us all a view of marriage that is all fairytale and unachievable. When it isn't that easy we sit and wonder why and blame each other.
Keep on course on fixing yourself. You can fix him, only yourself. Make you happy and let him be in charge of his own happiness.
2007-02-17 09:26:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like he needs some therapy as well why can't he come with you? If he refuses to see the flaws in himself then it can't and won't work, love is the only key and if he can't give that to you to support you and not hurt you then maybe you need to stay away from him, let him do what ever it is he want's to do, and go spend some "me" time go get your hair and nails done, you know pamper yourself and do some soul searching and get counseling for yourself, (not for anybody else) do it to benefit you! He's not even worth it, if he's too stupid to see that you obiously have been through a lot in your past and can't or won't give you the proper treatment a husband is supposed to give to his wife then let him get the dorn divorce I am sure that there will be a better man out there for you. Hang in there keep your head up and start doing things for you, you deserve to pamper yourself and treat yourself like a queen since he won't, and then you will start to feel a little better about yourself and counseling will do the rest, God Bless you sweety
2007-02-17 17:38:56 · answer #2 · answered by Lovely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called verbal abuse. You don't have to put up with it. I am very emotional - sometimes to a complete fault. It definitely increases once a month and took me awhile to learn how to control those episodes as well as my husband to learn how to handle them. I remember crying in the middle of an arguement one time and him grabbing the kleenex from me and saying "That's enough." What did I do? Cried harder. He grew up. Some don't. Tell your husband you don't want to wait 6 months - if he is going to give you an ultimatum like that - you're going now. Start packing and see what he does. Just be prepared to pull out of that driveway and not look back. You might need a little extra therapy... but you'll get through it. Best of luck. Don't let others bring you down. Be confident and strong. It's hard - but not impossible.
2007-02-17 17:34:25 · answer #3 · answered by lucki female 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hate to say this but what you want to hear and what I have to say are two way different things. The answer you seek isn't a easy one. Know that it isn't your fault that you have some emotional problems. If you're husband is threatening you about fixing your problems instead of trying to help you fix your problems, the relationship may already be doomed. It sounds like he may have some problems himself. Everyone is human, everyone has their imperfections. For God's sake you're his wife. He should be by your side trying to help you better yourself, instead of tearing you down. Many women suffer with emotional disconnect and things such as that. You aren't alone. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by telling him about your problems and how you feel. Don't hint around or make vague statements. You have to tell him directly how things are. You might also look into couple's counseling. In marriage, one person's problems become both people's problems (in a good way). Two are better than one. When he gets upset at you, don't hate yourself or feel guilty like it's your fault. Assess your marriage look at your life at all angles to see where these emotional issues stem from. I wish you the best of luck. And remember, ALL marriages have their share of problems and periods of tribulation. Don't get discouraged or lose hope.
2007-02-17 17:46:28 · answer #4 · answered by standup149 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hes over you, no matter what you do. Now he is determined to be toxic to you so you hurt as much as he does. Work on healing yourself with professional help and you will find that when you are well you wouldn't be attracted to the kind of man he is. After all, how dumb or uncaring can he be that he never noticed your problem? Unless you are in the running for an Academy Award, if he didn't know something was off about your responses to intimacy then he just didn't care and hes blaming you for his lack of sensitivity. If hes ready to leave because of it then you don't need him, hes a clod who doesn't take for sickness and in health seriously.
2007-02-17 17:27:45 · answer #5 · answered by justa 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, it could be alot of things and issues, stress is the main one, but you need to focus on mentally that you enjoy sex, and see your husband very positive, stop thinking negative things about your husband, always be ready for sex, even though that your not, look at quickes as the best deal, then your drive wil be there, cut out the white bread out of your diet, eat dark chocolate.
2007-02-17 23:45:22 · answer #6 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He says 6 months, but he's ready to divorce right now. Don't be surprised if he decides to divorce before the 6 months is up. He will wait for a while to see how things are progressing, but most likely he will feel the situation is hopeless and leave early.
2007-02-17 18:48:03 · answer #7 · answered by B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't wait for his six months, leave now. It's about time for him to be unhappy. You're therapy will have a better chance of working without him sitting around undermining your efforts. There is a man out there who will love and support you no matter what. Some men can be selfish ***holes with no regards to anyone but themselves.
2007-02-17 17:48:40 · answer #8 · answered by Kakashi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
good for him. you're probably driving him crazy and he resents the fact that he married a defective human being. he, like most men, cannot understand how women can have so many emotional problems AFTER the i do's and why the problems were not evident during the dating process. men would not marry an emotionally disturbed person and you basically trapped him like a hunter traps his prey.
2007-02-17 17:30:55 · answer #9 · answered by EFF U 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
maybe it's time you found a new man. i went to therapy and my husband was very supportive about it. he even suggested he'd go with for support. if he's giving you an ultimatum it's time for you to move on. have you talked to your therapist about this? maybe you need a new therapist
2007-02-17 17:24:53 · answer #10 · answered by peonies 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋