i have been with my man for over 7 years,madly in love,we still talk about everything,laugh with each other til it hurts,we still hold hands,cuddle on the couch,and the intamacy is still varied and frequent.the thing is, lately i have been thinking about the future,and have come to realise that i am ready to settle down and get married.my question is, do i tell my man how i feel or will that scare the life out of him?. i dont want to ruin what we have but its not the kind of thing you bring up in a regular conversation! how do i word it to him so as not to scare him, i basically want him to know that i want to settle down with him. as we stand now we talk about marriage in passing and if the conversation does come up he doesnt give any indication that it is what he wants,do i just leave it and carry on as we are?
2007-02-17 08:40:20 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess it depends on how ready you are to get married and how important that is for you. If it's very important and you want to do it soon (next year or so) you might want to just tell him. Hinting around probably won't get what you want. If it's not really important but you are noticing friends and family getting married and think you should too after all this time I would probably let it ride. If you are happy the wedding may not be necessary but if you want to take that step you have to be honest with him and yourself.
2007-02-17 08:54:10 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i would suggest bringing it up while you're cuddling on the couch.. Tell him how happy you are and that you love him and want to get married. Make it clear that you want to have a serious conversation cause you feel at a stand still.
Good luck...Seven years is a long time to be with someone just waiting. Hopefully he won't want to lose you and will marry you. What are you prepared to do if he wants to keep things like they are?
2007-02-17 17:18:36 · answer #2 · answered by answergirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how strongly you feel about getting married. What are the reasons you want to change the status of your relationship. Is it children? Do you feel you will feel more secure if you are married? It seems that your bf seems quite content on how things are and he has no reason to change them. He is getting all the benefits of a marrage now so why should things change? 7 yrs is a enough time to be together to know if you want to spend the rest of your lives together. If you feel strongly about marriage at this time, then absolutely let him in on your feelings. If he loves and respects you he will consider the idea. But again he is getting everything he wants without marriage, so I think you have a man that does not have marraige on his mind. He will say whats the big deal? Thats when you tell him its a big deal to you, and see how he reacts. Its your call. If you want it that badly, then by all means let it be known. He will eather be in or he will be out.
2007-02-17 16:58:45 · answer #3 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume you live together. Do you have kids together? I would say bring it up "in passing" but don't let it get brushed off. Once he knows you are serious, he should tell you how he feels. But - sometimes after 2 years - it becomes a non-issue. Surely you know how he stands on marriage? Maybe you should watch "Last Kiss" together and see if THAT sparks a conversation. It's about a couple being together and him not wanting to get married - but she does, but she respects that he doesn't. Try that. See what comes of it.
2007-02-17 16:55:00 · answer #4 · answered by lucki female 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup, this is always a bit tricky, and first, before you do bring this up, decide if marriage is the deal breaker.... if you draw a line in the sand, there is, hon, no going back, and if marriage is your goal in the deal, then he needs to know that, and so do you so that if he is uninterested, you can get on with your life, and find another partner.... (It is common law in most states anyway after 8, but check on your state....)
"Sam,
I love you more than my next breath, and I cannot for the life of me envision my future without you in it. But at the same time, for me the only logical way to live is married.... I realize that some say it is just a piece of paper, but to me, it announces to all the world that we are committed in every way to each other.... I need you to know that. If marriage is not where this is going, then you need to know that we are now at a crossroad....and if we are not going to go down the path together, then I need to know that, and so do you. We have not specifically talked about this, but my frame of mind is now that I wish to be married, more than I wish just to remain this way. I will leave now, and please don't call, unless you have a date in mind. If I don't hear from you by ------------------ then I will accept the fact that we are not on the same page, and I am then free to search for another...."
Just realize, hon, that if it is not the dealbreaker, then skip it.... or churn it around in your head for awhile, and see if indeed you do wish to leave, because if he does say no, it is no, and you remain under his terms....
Helpful?
2007-02-17 16:54:36 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You simply tell him you are ready for marriage. If what you have is so wonderful you should be able to be honest with him. My husband and I were together for a couple of years and I looked at him one day and said, "I love you. I am ready to get married. I won't wait around forever, if you won't marry me someone else will." He bought the ring a couple of days later. Within a year we were married. Years later, we are still together and very much in love. Good luck.
2007-02-17 16:54:30 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and ask him straight out: What are you personal goals in say 2 years? If they don't include you, I think you're wasting you time. By all means find out what his intentions are...especially before you get pregnant or something. If you scare him away with this question, he was going to leave anyhow. Or just say: "I want to get married"....and that's it. You need to know how it's going to go. Some men have to hit upside the head with a brick before they get the hint! Godloveya.
2007-02-17 16:52:11 · answer #7 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that you want to settle down with him. Let him know you want to be with him for the rest of your life. Ask him if you guys are going anywhere or are you just gonna date the rest of your life. You have to make sure that he knows that you are ready to settle down and have a family.That you need someone that is ready also.If he tells you that he does not ever want to get married than just tell him that you two just want 2 different things and you think it is time for you to move on with your life. He may decide to marry you because he does not want to lose you.
2007-02-17 17:18:08 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you have been with him for seven years, and can talk about everything, then why can't you talk about this? If he really loves you and you bring up marriage then it should not scare him away. If his reaction is something that is not positive, then your relationship is not what is all cracked up to be. If he wants to be with you for ever, then this conversation should not be a problem. Definitely say something to him about it.
2007-02-17 17:12:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
7 years is a long time, so you must have a really good relationship? why mess with it, unless you just have the need to feel that permanance?
this feeling is one that is quite normal for people and i would talk to him about it, just say exactly what you said to us (more or less)
he may have the exact same feelings or he may be happy with the way things are, but at least you will know one way or the other.
2007-02-17 17:13:35 · answer #10 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋