My 24 yr old wife of 2 1/2 yrs wants a divorce. she says shes sure, and she is already going to clubs and trying to meet another man. we have a 4 yr old and 2 yr old together. she has refused marriage counseling, mediation, and even counseling to help us both be civil through this. How can I appeal to her better sense and ask her to at least have a civil divorce where we can remain friends, as it will be less stressful and best for our kids? I dont know what to believe, as i have found out she has told me countless lies on various subjects since before even giving me the news. im a very level headed person who doesnt see why we cant go through this as adults. i hold no ill will towards her, even after coming home to a her and a guy in our childrens bed together. what is the best approach? im lost... if u would like, feel free to contact me at
capecodboy at gmail com. thanks guys!!
2007-02-17 08:29:05 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wanted to add that i did leave the house, under the false pretense that we were on a break and would work it out. that was 6 weeks ago. when the guy was @ the house, i did knock on the door and removed the children from the house. unfortunately, Massachusetts is a "no fault" state, so my attorney has told me it makes no difference who files first, so to let her spend the extra money. im currently trying to put an order into effect that she cannot have men in the house, as a child psychologist informed me, especially since my kids r young and havent been told whats up, that guys around would b very detrimental to their health. i have accepted what she wants, and am focusing everything on my children, as they have ALWAYS come first to me. i am in counseling with a psychologist/marriage/family counseler, and my 4 yr old will start seeing someone in the next week. thanks for all the answers and support guys, it gives me back faith that there are compassionate people in the world. :)
2007-02-17 10:38:43 · update #1
Wow you sound like a real level headed guy....Your wife on the other hand sounds kinda shady...I mean in your kids bed....anyway if she can't be an adult about it take your kids and forget her.. she is not to concerned about the kids or your feelings...so move on and take your kids with you....she don't sound like much of a mother to me....good luck to you....
2007-02-17 08:34:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hon, the best approach is to get rid of her.......every man deserves a faithful spouse......I hate to break the news to you but the lady likely has a boyfriend, maybe several, already...from what you have written here.. Your marriage is over, if she is already going to clubs, lying to you, refusing counseling, and the bedroom bit.... etc. I'm sorry --- too bad you didn't know this about her personality before you had children. Marriage is respect, admiration passion and trust, and hon, it is all gone.... she holds none of those for you and your relationship, and of course you have none of that left for her.... you love what you thought she once was, and that and reality just aren't the same, are they?
Get a mediating attorney, one who represents you both, decide how your assets will be split. The more you agree on going in the less it will cost. And she better get real or both of you will be broke...... If all the guy has to do is fill out and file, the cost is $75-300 in most states. If you get into an adversarial stance where you each get an attorney, it will cost you each a fortune.... you don't know one poor attorney, and neither does anyone else... it is in their best interest to drag it on forever.... I'm sorry, sweetie....
Write if you wish more.
2007-02-17 09:04:10 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok. Sounds like you are desperate for a woman who is disrespecting you and your marriage. If you are a married couple you should be able to talk. Obviously she has her mind made up. I honestly don't know how you can forgive someone who is unfaithful to you and disrespects you, and your home by bringing home another man. I think you need to set yourself up in a better position. I would document everything and get to a good lawyer. These kids may not be well taken care of with this type of a flaky mother. I think that if you can not be friends, you must do what's best for the children. Fighting in front of them is very bad. You can't make her love you. If she decides to leave you and the children, you get custody.
The best approach is this. Get her somewhere public. Out to dinner if she'll go. And talk civil to eachother. You need to come to an agreement. Ask if there is anything you can do to spare this marriage, if she says no then you need to discuss how you should behave in front of the kids. Strange men in your home should not be allowed in front of children. Do not beg. Do not pleed. Keep your dignity and tell her if she wants a divorce, then it should be done quickly...you need to move on. Tell her so. Good luck. ( For the record, she sounds very immature.)
2007-02-17 08:41:22 · answer #3 · answered by noitall 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry. She sounds very bitter towards you for some reason. What is at the root of it, do you know why she wants a divorce?
It sounds like she was trying to hurt you by bringing a man to your home like that, and it does sound like she wants out - I think the best thing at this point is that you maintain your level head get a lawyer and divorce her with yourself being as civil as possible during the process and sheild the kids as much as possible from anything that might occur on her end.
If I were you with her acting the way she is I would try and seek full custody with visitation rights for her.
I don't know if much can be done to save your marriage at this point, so you need to focus on taking care of your children and getting them and you through this - and I would take yourself and possible the children to counseling even if she won't go.
The only way to try to make a civil divorce with someone like that is to set the example and lead the way.
Good luck!
2007-02-17 08:39:05 · answer #4 · answered by squiggles7847 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She not only sounds like shes an awful wife but a terrible mother. Get her away from your kids. How disgusting bringing men home to her babys bed! Where were the kids when some strange man was in their bed? Did the strange man have an s.t.d. thats crawling around in your babies bed? Thats so wrong!!! Not to mention that she is putting you at risk for A.I.D.S or something. Then your kids wouldnt have either parent.
Be as level headed as you say you are and take care of your children. Get them away from strange men and a mother that doesnt appear to have the sense of a flea. There isnt a choice here. Shes not into the life she's supposed to live, dump her before you end up sick!
Parents should do whats best for their children, not whats easiest for them. Get going. You'll get over her.
2007-02-17 08:37:44 · answer #5 · answered by My_Two_Centz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she has already made up her mind and if she's trying to file for divorce there appears to be little hope left. She is advising you to not even enter the country she is in so this doesn't sound good. I understand in your culture, the divorce rate is very low so it may be difficult for you. Just understand that the more pressure you put on her, the more you will drive her away. As tiny as your chance is of reconciling, I suggest you back off of her. This may increase your chance of winning her back although the relationship seems doomed. I don't understand why you two married so quickly, maybe you fell in love but maybe she had other intentions. As hard as it is, you will need to leave her alone. Don't give her the money for the divorce, let her carry the expenses. Both of you went into the marriage together, now that she wants to dissolve it, it's her responsibility to carry the expenses.
2016-05-23 23:29:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
You have done something to really hurt her or if not, then she has decided she is being bored with marriage and kids and is having a wild side.
I would advise you to ignore it for a while and let it blow over except for the fact that she is bringing losers home to take to the bedroom.
This is NOT acceptable and it brings up a question as to WHY you want to cancel a divorce? Give it to her.
YOU go get some counselling for yourself so that you will not how to deal with what is happening in your life. You need somebody to talk with that is trained in this specialty.
The kids are not going to understand. Don't fight in front of them and don't disgrace their mother either. It will come back to haunt you and it is not fair. Don't say things to the kids like "your mom doesnt care about you" .. etc.
Stand up, be strong and be as civil as you can. I could go on about things, but I do recommend that you seek some guidance at your church or medical doctor as soon as you can. It wouldn't hurt for the kids to see a doctor as well.
I wish you the best. Grit your teeth and stay strong.
2007-02-17 09:12:06 · answer #7 · answered by joygoround 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't "appeal to her better sense" as she has none. She has decided to throw away her marriage and put her children on the back burner so she can be 'single & carefree'. She is obviously a very selfish person since she isn't even thinking about her children. No mother in her right mind would have an affair in her child's bed. All you can do is be a good dad to your children. Make sure they realize this is not their fault. You may want to seek counselling for you and even your children. You can't help her because she doesn't want help. Good luck to you and your children.
2007-02-17 09:09:28 · answer #8 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is still a child. When you make rational suggestions, it is her first instinct to resist and refuse. She is way too young to be married with kids, as well as too immature to be a decent mother. If she wants a divorce, give it to her. But children have no place being left with a mother who goes to the clubs and cant keep her legs closed. You need to consider what is best for your children and how you would manage to care for them should you get custody. I would gather evidence, like reciepts from bars, photos, etc. I would also your parents if they would be open to helping you raise your children if need be. Maybe you and the kids living with them would be best. If you were to move into your parents house and take your children with you prior to her filing for divorce, you will have current custody of them and a better chance at keeping them safe. If you left her and took them with you, say to your parents house, and she did nothing to immediately object most judges will see your good intentions and her neglect. Plan now. Stop talking to her about anything. If you want to me email you, leave a tag on your question
2007-02-17 08:38:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You act civil whether she ever acts civil. Sounds like you two got married too young and now she wants to taste the single life. You remain civil to her for the sake of the kids. Do not contest the divorce just make sure everything is laid out so you can have reasonable visitation or if it goes the other way make sure that she gets reasonable visitation. And don't forget the child support.
2007-02-17 08:58:01 · answer #10 · answered by kitcat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so, so sorry, Your wife sounds like she's got some major maturity issues, and unfortunately there's not much you can do about that. The best advice I can give you is to go see a lawyer ASAP. I admire you for wanting to keep things civil for the sake of your kids, but that will only work if she feels the same way. It doesn't sound like she is capable of that kind of selflessness.
Best of luck to you and your children. It will probably be a rough road ahead, but you will survive and will come out stronger for it!
2007-02-17 08:33:34 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋