I have this friend who has moved away...thank god...she calls me endlessly to talk about her, never even asks how I am...seriously, I tell her I am about to eat she says I don't mind, go ahead, I say my husband just got home, she says, that's okay, call me right back..I just have had enough...have given her lots of $ too...that I didn't have...I have sacrifice tons for her with nothing in return, not even a thanks or how are YOU....how do i get out of this with out being mean...?
2007-02-17 08:28:07 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hey sweetness, I was only joking about that Club Med thing. Wasnt really me, but sounds like you had a wicked time ;o)
gimme 10 points anyway. Pleeeeeeeease
2007-02-19 00:42:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too bad you didn't get fed up with her earlier! Probably would have saved you a lot of $$ and heartache too. Well there are a couple of ways you can handle this. You say that she monopolizes the conversation and ALWAYS talks about herself? Well I would call her instead and only talk about MY life ("oh my husband is sooo great! My job is sooo wonderful!" etc. etc) Then when she tries to get a word in edgewise, I'd say "Oh I'm sorry, I have SOOO MUCH to do, I have to go!" and not even wait for a goodbye from her.
When she calls, interrupt her in the middle of one calls and tell her that you have something more important to do, and you wish that you were like her and could sit around one the phone all day but you can't. She should get the picture by then. If not, then be totally freaking honest with her-she won't like it, but at least you'll get it off of your chest, and more than likely you won't be hearing from her anymore. Or as the last resort, call her up and tell her that your "friendship" is over and explain why it's over. And tell her you don't want her to contact you anymore. (I've had to do all of the above, and every single method has worked).
2007-02-17 09:10:02 · answer #2 · answered by True Hija De Oshun! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you are not a bad person for not caring. You are protecting yourself from being used by a leech. This friend is so self-absorbed that she refuses to see that you have a life. A true friend would be considerate of your feelings and needs would take a hint when you come right out and say you are eating or your husband just got home. A true friend wouldn't be so selfish as she has been. How do you get out of this? Do you want to remain friends? If you do, then if you have caller ID, don't answer the phone when she calls. Let her leave a message if you have voicemail. Then, you call her back on YOUR terms, when YOU have the time. Because YOU are doing the calling, you can end the call when YOU want without seeming rude by simply saying "I have to go. I'd love to talk more, but I'm extremely busy". When YOU initiate the call, you start out the conversation by saying "I only have a minute because I'm so busy right now, but I wanted to take a moment to say hi and tell you how things are going with me." You are telling her right off the bat that you are busy & you are telling her that you want to talk about YOU. IF she actually listens to what YOU have to say, THEN, you can end the conversation by saying "I'd love to talk longer because I'm interested in how YOU are doing, but I really do have to go. I'll call you back later when I have more time.". Then you firmly, yet politely say your goodbyes, and if she tries to keep you on the phone, say firmly yet still politely, "sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I really do have to go. Unfortunately, I'm not able to talk anymore and I have to hang up now. I'll call you later. Bye". Then hang up. Sounds harsh, sounds rude, but this is how you deal with people like this. They don't understand "subtle", so you have to be blunt and obvious. Because you were polite in what you said and how you said it, you will have done nothing to give her cause to be hurt. If she DOES get hurt, it will only be because you denied her the chance to once again be selfish by monopolizing your time while she chats endlessly about herself.
If you don't value her friendship, then you can simply ignore her calls. Since she doesn't understand "subtle", then if she doesn't take the hint that you don't wish to remain friends, you could simply tell her that you are sorry, but you feel you have nothing in common anymore and you would prefer you guys take a break from your friendship for awhile. Then hang up. This woman is toxic. Toxic relationships with people only hurt and stress us out and disrupt our lives. A true friend is supportive, thoughtful and considerate. You can never have enough of those types of friends, but with friends like you described in your question, even just one friend like that is too many. Good luck!
2007-02-17 08:41:36 · answer #3 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when you do something nice for another person (whether that's listening to them, giving them money or 'sacrificing tons' for them), you should do it without expecting anything in return. it would be nice to get something in return, but unless you've actually made a deal with that person, your nice things are all just gifts that you shouldn't mind giving away, just because you're a nice person. but if you don't like the fact that this person obviously doesn't like being nice back to you, you have every right to stop being friends with this woman. because you have that right anyway. friendships are two-way.
as for how to get out of it, be firm with her. 'my husband just got home. i have to go.' and DO. if she asks you to call her back say you're sorry, but you're quite busy. do this a few times and she should take the hint. hopefully!
2007-02-17 08:37:35 · answer #4 · answered by ♥jessa♥ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm sorry to hear this.
You have to teach people how to treat you from the get-go.
You seem to mean so well.
And follow all kinds of nice-nice rules that weren't written for sweethearts liek you and me-
tehy were written for the jealous and conniving types.
They were written for people so selfish, even if blind to it, like the person to whom you were a friend.
She was never your friend.
You can break it off by telling her that while you realize it was your fault that you put up with it, you can't take all of the things you jsut wrote about anymore.
And then be firm about it.
Period.
Good luck.
2007-02-17 08:33:38 · answer #5 · answered by starryeyed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you have a lot of important stuff going on in your life right now, and for the next while you need some peace. Tell her that you are flattered that she cares and wants to call you , but your schedule just isn't working out right now. Its nice that you call but could you please just leave it to a couple of emails once a week or so and see if this helps. Take care Heather
2007-02-17 08:33:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should let your friend know that you are busy with other things and also tell her that you have company and don't have time to talk to her. This friend sounds like she is self centered. If you have to be mean then go for it. Sometimes being mean to someone is the only thing to do. If you have caller ID and she calls then don't answer the phone. I do that when I don't want to talk to someone.
2007-02-17 09:00:10 · answer #7 · answered by Nancy M. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell in the nicest way u can, her that firendship is about giving and take.
All that she does is take, that is not even called firendship.
No, you are actually a really good person, to put up wit that.
2007-02-17 08:33:09 · answer #8 · answered by All Of the Above 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't answer the phone as much. Just start ignoring her slowly but surely to show your friendship is drifting apart. Don't feel guilt, you are not a bad person, she is.
2007-02-17 08:31:09 · answer #9 · answered by Jenny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be blunt with her. It would probably hurt her more to know that you were pretending to like her this whole time then to hear the truth from you. Talk to her about it, and good luck :)
2007-02-17 08:32:17 · answer #10 · answered by ~Val~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋