I started dating this guy a little over two years ago and then i married him and i need advice now.?

Question

We dated for 2 weeks then he went to Iraq. We vowed to stay faithful. Well he had several gf's while out in iraq. I found out and confrunted him. So we broke up and he went to meet and eventually slept with one of these girls. The whole time he told me they were just friends. Well we got back together and about 6 months later we got married. The entire time we have been married he told me he never went to meet this girl and never had sex with her. Which was a lie. Eventually he confessed. After that he continued into porn sites and dating sites. He even went so far that he told several women on them that he was unhappily married and that he was looking for sex from anyone. I found this too. When i confrunted him he only said he was sorry and that it was a mistake. Now we are expecting our 1st child and i caught him looking at the same sites just a few weeks ago. his only excuse was that its because god wasnt with him and that he was sorry. What should I do? I have thought about divorce

Answer 1

I know what you mean by having a soldier for a husband and I will tell you they have it so easy to cheat because they are constantly on the go no one ever knows whats really going on with them, and you can hang it up if you think their other soldier friends are going to tell you about his girlfriends. they cover each other backs, you have to decide on what you are going to do, but right now I think your man needs his freedom so let him fly away and you go live your life, he will realize what he had and see that he lost a good thing.

Answer 2

I think he was being dishonest when he married you, which means your marriage has been based on lies. It seems that he can't be trusted. Personally, I wouldn't even married him. Now you are expecting a child which makes your decision more difficult than before. If you want to learn to trust him ( and he wants to change ) seek some marriage counseling through your minister or a licensed mental health care provider. If he isn't willing to go, I would take this as him not wanting to change. If he really loves you, he will do what ever it takes to gain your trust and be in an open, honest relationship. He also needs to stay off the PC completely if he is unable to control himself. Good luck, and remember, you are bringing a child into this world. How do you want your child to see your relationship with your husband? It's not just your life, but also the life of your child.

Answer 3

He needs to grow up. Leave him. Why put yourself through this drama? You'll never trust him, and if you don't have trust in a marriage, you don't have anything. He may come home with some disease and pass it along to you. You have a child to look out for now, and he's clearly not Daddy material. Maybe in a year or two he'll grow up and understand what he's lost and what he could have had. God was with him, he wasn't interested in God. Don't take that pathetic excuse. He's a liar, cheater, and won't change until he wants too. Right now, he obviously doesn't want too. I'm sorry.

Answer 4

The following are the basic elements to a good marriage from someone who has experienced a short bad one and a very long good one:
(1) Trust (Absolute trust in one another.)
(2) Honesty(Little white lies are not acceptable either)
(3) Compassion(Sensitive to each other's needs)
(4) Sacrifice(Willing to share or take over each others responsibilities)
(5) Love(Not unconditional - otherwise you find yourself forgiving for every lie you're told)
(6) Commitment(Equal commitment heart, body, and soul for each other)
(7) Physical and verbal confirmation of how much you mean to each other

If any of the above are not there every minute of every day you haven't found the mate that will be there for you when it counts. I'm lucky enough to say I've had that and it appears you don't. Cut your losses now and continue looking for someone who has the right stuff.

Answer 5

I think you should continue to think about divorce. Painful but this pain and deception will probably continue throughout your life unless you move on and find a reliable, loving and trustworthy man...and it will impact your child negatively- (don't feel you have to stay in a less than satisfactory relationship because you have a child on the way) Make sure you have plenty of support around you and move on, the pain will heal in time, you will go forward and enjoy your baby and concentrate on that, and when you are ready you will find someone else you can rely on. Your husband can still be a father and I hope he makes a better father than the husband he has been to you. good luck

Answer 6

well first of all I wouldn't continue to listen to the lies he is telling you. Next i would think long and hard on how much more you can handle. Then also think about whats in the best interest for the unborn baby and you. Been a new mom i hard enough when you have no problems but even harder when you can't trust the guy your with. If you come to the conclusion you have had it leave him and file for divorce. Not saying that you will be happier but then you wouldn't have so much stress in your life.

Answer 7

Here's the thing: This man has repeatedly shown you who he is as a person and you have accepted it. I don't even know you but you, like everyone else, deserves someone who is going to love you and treat you with respect. Have you ever thought what you are going to do if he gives you a STD? What about one that you can't get rid of with antibotics? What about one that you just can't get rid of? Why is it that you are taking him back at every turn just because he says he is sorry? Love is action, not just words. You need to really think about this relationship. He's not trying to change if he keeps doing something new after every sorry. Look long and hard. Good luck.

Answer 8

You not only need to think about divorce, you need to carry it out. It's plain to see that this man have got a problem. You should think about your health and your unborn baby's health. He's got a death wish. He not only have a sex problem, but he is disrespectful too. He makes it easy for you to find these things out, almost like he get a thrill out of it. Go to his chain of command and tell them what is going on and have them to direct you to JAG. Make sure you and your baby is taken care of. You also have to see your fault in this too. When he messed up the first time you should have never said I DO. Are you desperate to be married? You couldn't have been lonely. He is right when he tells you God wasn't with him. That alone should send you to the hills running.

Answer 9

FIRST OF ALL, I WANT TO TELL YOU HOW SORRY I AM FOR YOU. ALSO, HE IS USING GOD AS AN EXCUSE!! MY FIRST MARRAGE WAS SOMEWHAT LIKE YOURS. I THANK GOD I LEFT HIM AFTER 9 YEARS TOGETHER. IT WASN'T EASY, BUT I KNEW IN MY HEART HE WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE A CHEATER . WE HAVE 3 WONDERFUL SONS, THE YOUNGEST WAS STILL IN DIAPERS. I BELIEVE TRUST IS THE #1 MOST IMPORTANT THING IN A RELATIONSHIP, BELIEVE ME WITHOUT TRUST YOU HAVE NOTHING!! YOU CAN TRY AND TRY, BUT MOST OF THE TIME THEY DON'T CHANGE. WHEN I GOT PREGNANT WITH MY 3RD SON, I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WOULD CHANGE HIM AND BRING US CLOSER, BUT IT WAS THE OPPOSITE. I LEFT HIM AFTER 9 YRS OF LIE'S AND CHEATING. EVENTUALLY HE BEGGED ME TO COME HOME, BUT MY HEART TOLD ME NO WAY. AND NOW MANY YEARS LATER, I AM REMARRIED TO A WONDERFUL MAN. WE HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP AND OF COURSE WE TRUST EACH OTHER 100%. HE TALKS ABOUT GUYS AT HIS JOB WHO CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES AND IT BOTHERS HIM VERY MUCH. HE FEELS IF THEY HAVE TO CHEAT, THEN BE HONEST AND END THE MARRIAGE.. DON'T CONTINUE AND KEEP LYING BECAUSE IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE. THIS IS JUST ME AND MY LIFE. I MEAN YOU NEVER KNOW, MAYBE HE WILL CHANGE WITH THEROPY AND MARRIAGE COUNSLING. OH, BY THE WAY, MY EX IS GOING ON HIS 4TH MARRIAGE NOW... HE NEVER CHANGED, ONLY FOR THE WORST. HUN I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK, BUT BE SMART AND MAYBE TALK TO SOMEONE LIKE A SPECIALIST EVEN IF ITS JUST YOU ALONE.. TRY AND GET SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. DON'T THINK A CHILD WILL CHANGE THINGS, I DID AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.. BUT IM HAPPY NOW AND MY KIDS ARE GROWN UP. I HAD A TOUGH LIFE, BUT I MADE IT!! I THANK GOD FOR THAT.. KATHY

Answer 10

It does not sound like hes ready to be a Husband or a father, Hes not gonna change unless he wants to change. Saying God was not with him when he was looking at those sites is a Poor Excuse. God is always with us, sometimes we just allow the Devil to lead us.. You are heading for Divorce before your Marriage really gets started. Hes just not ready for settling down yet..