How should we meet our father's mistress?

Question

We are sisters, 14 and 19. Our parents have now been separated for a year. Our father left and told us that he was moving in with his girlfriend. We don't know how long they've been seeing eachother, but know that they have known each other for years. He has confirmed the fact that he cheated on our mom. We see our dad occasionally, but haven't totally gotten over the pain. Should we meet the new woman, and if so how?

Answer 1

If he is determined to continue the relationship, then it makes sense for you to meet her in a public place, like for lunch, and just be polite. Your dad must have loved her a lot to break up a marriage and alienate his kids, and as hard as it might be to understand, his life with your mother couldn't have been right for him as he aged. If it turns out that you find her to be thoroughly unpleasant at least you will know that. If she seems to have your fathers happiness at heart, and be a good, if misguided person, then you will know that too. You can never be wrong being polite and you don't have to love her, or even respect them, since adultery isn't high on the list of respectable things people do, I could understand it if there is no desire on your part to be close to the newly formed couple after the hurt they cause you, your sister, and your mother.
But if you want to continue some sort of relationship with your Dad, its best to be polite to both of them.

Answer 2

Eventually you guys should meet her but I don't think now is the right time. I don't think there is anything wrong with getting to know her as long as she never disrespected your mom, or you. Your dad made the decision to cheat, and after all your parents are separated so they must have realized at some point it was not going to work. Not wanting to at least meet her may make your dad feel as if your mom has turned you guys against him. The fact that you're still experiencing some sort of pain means you're definitely not ready yet. I think you should explain this to your dad and he should understand your feelings. You guys and your dad with his girlfriend should go out to dinner or a place where you can talk comfortably. Definitely let your mom know you're going to meet her, remaining sensitive to her feelings and don't ask for her permission because of course she's gonna say no!

Answer 3

First of all, Im sorry your dad did this to you girls and your mom. I can imagine the hurt you are feeling and the bad feelings you must feel towards this mistress. I can also understand your curiosity to meet this woman who destroyed your family. Think for a minute on what would be in your emotional best interest; do you think meeting her will be a good thing or will it make you feel worse? Are you willing to give her a chance? If your not, and you just want to torture her; well, I wouldnt blame ya! I guess if am to give a peice of advise; I know alot of people who have had to deal with this situation. None of them like the other women nor have they come to like her, no matter how many years pass. But they tolerate her; in order to have a relationship with their dads'. If you think you can handle it, go for it. If you need to tell her and him off, to get some closure; do it. You also have the right to not have to deal with her at all. You can tell your dad that you want him to start acting like a father again, and that you deserve to come before the ( insert nickname here!) and that you shouldn't have to be forced into having to accept her, to get to see him. Tell him to seperate his two lives, like he did before. Or, you can just grin and bear it. Whatever you choose, make sure it's the right thing for YOU. Im so sorry your dad did this to you and I hope he realizes how much he has hurt you. How is your mom?

Answer 4

Well, it's never an easy thing to "meet the other woman", but each family is different and there is never a right or wrong way to meet her, you just have to feel comfortable doing it.

For me, when my dad left my mom for another woman, I said some pretty nasty things to him and didn't speak to him for over a year and my dad was my best friend! I couldn't see why he would leave my mother for some skinny, pasty white woman who hardly spoke english?! - she was rough, demanding and very materialistic. My mom is the most wonderful, caring and giving woman but they couldn't make it work and she cried for oh, I don't know how many months. After some time, I came to terms with it and decided to call my dad.

Anyways, long story short, I met my dad's girlfriend, even got into a physical fight with her and now, we're pretty good friends and my mom is ok with me talking to her and hanging out with her too.

So it really depends on you and your sister and you also need to consider your mom's feelings too...hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 5

You probably have no control over this. But, if you have a choice, I would tell your father that you would prefer not to meet any of his dates until right before they become married. Then you won't have to troll through all of the women that may enter his life.

As for your relationship with this woman, if she becomes your stepmother, you will have to deal with her. That means that you must show courtesy and respect. You do not have to EVER give her the impression that what she did in seeing your father while he was married is acceptable. But, if the issue doesn't come up, it's best just to be nice and say nothing.

Answer 6

I have a feeling that you are still quite angry at your father for leaving your mom for another woman, & who can blame you!
You may have every right to be angry at your dad, but I don't think that it would be a good idea to go about meeting with his mistress until after you have taken the time (it may be a long time) to deal with the anger you have for your father.
Otherwise you may end up projecting some of that anger on to his mistress, & she will feel the brunt of those unresolved feelings you may be carrying around.
Sure it takes two to tango, but in spite of her role in this, the person to go to when dealing with issue in the breakup of your family is your dad.

You said yourself that you haven't gotten over the pain, so I think that it would be better if you & your sister talked to your dad, & told him EXACTLY how you were affected by his decision to leave your mom for this woman. Once you have done that, & are satisfied that he COMPLETELY understands how he affected his children, then I think you will be ready to meet this woman.

Cheers! :-)

Answer 7

Should you meet her? Well, I would guess you WILL meet her at some point. I recommend, though, that you think about what will happen beyond that meeting. Make sure you conduct yourselves in a manner that will reflect well on your mother. Meaning.. Be polite. Be gracious. No need to act like you're best friends... but no need to be hateful either. Handling the situation with tact and grace will show you've been raised well.

Until you're certain you can handle the meeting well, then put it off.

Answer 8

If you want to maintain a bond with your father, you honor the arrangement he has made. Fathers don't do things to deliberately hurt their daughters. If you brush aside his possible faults as a husband, was he a good father? That;s what you have to go with. He has made his choice. Unless he's asking you to call his new woman mom, which would be insensitive of him, you can have a cordial relationship.

Regarding the pain, imagine the pain giving the father you love and who loves you the cold shoulder for the years to come.

Answer 9

Go out for dinner and understand She is what He decided was right for him. Do not blame either of them because men leave due to the failure of the relationship to last. Any blame must be equally applied and besides it does not good to act hostile to the new woman in his life. His love for You and your sister should not be in question and in the years ahead your understanding of the background on the entire issue may change drastically. Far too often the young love that starts a marriage is overcome by the inability to communicate needs and feelings. Learn from things instead of brood over them.

Answer 10

in the experience that your father likes her you will possibly too! supply her a raffle. Your father left your mom no longer his daughters! Be trustworthy you do no longer understand approximately your mothers and fathers relationship and why it ended do no longer blame the different woman! in case you do no longer choose for to fulfill her then tell your father that and enable him understand you basically isn't going to the abode and if he needs to confirm you, then you definately will meet him for lunch or on the mall or some thing!