What would you do if your husband wants you to stay in the house all the time?

Question

I am a stay at home mom of twins who are now toddlers. I don't go out much with them because of the amount of work it takes to get the out of the house and we have bad weather here in Connecticut. When he comes home from work, he expects me to stay in the house. I love my twins with all my heart and soul, but at the end of the day, I really need a break, some time to myself. I have been working out in our house (I have lost 20lbs.), but I need MORE. I need to go to the gym for an hour or so to really get a good workout. When I mention it, he says "I wish I could go to the gym and have time to myself". He also says "You have someplace to go 7 days a week! when do we have time to spend together?" But, he works 7 days a week. We've been married for 3 yrs. I got pregnant a 1.5 years after we married. He made so many promises and he was so different before the babies came. Now, he is controlling, and I am ready to leave, I can't live like this! No Stupid/Rude comments, plz. THX

Answer 1

I really feel for you....If he can't understand your side then maybe you should leave him...If he is also controling you need to leave...your kids come first no matter what....If he is showing signs now the abuse will only get worst in the future....

Answer 2

He's right. He works practally 24/7 and you have freedom. I'm not trying to sound mean (cuz i am a stay at home mother myself) He's not really being controling, he just misses you while he is at work. he's in a dank dusty office/building/contrustion site whatever, all day, and all he wants to do is come home to his Lover (you!!) I know how bad the weather is, I live in the north to, but that doesn't stop me from getting a REALLY good workout.

You should find a gym that offers child care (i know i know..i rant about fake mommies all the time, but this is for maybe an hour or two maybe twice a week) and get your work out in there. Or you could go out with your twins (depending on h ow old they are) and have a snow ball fight. Ask your mother or a friend to watch the kids while you and your hubby go out and work out together. Then come home and spend some "mommy and daddy" time together.

The reason things have changed is because you have kids now. You have to make sacrifices, and perhaps you going out to have you time is one of those things. I know it sucks, but tahts the pricve we pay to be mothers. Just think, once the kids are in school, you'll really have the entire day to yourself and can do whatever you want!!

So just, buy some exercise equipment to put in your home, purchase some videos, include the kids and get that really good workout that way.

Don't take time away from your Husband. He works just hard as you do to make sure there is a roof over your head, food in your stomach and clothing on your back. the least you can do is spend time with him when he comes home from slaying dragons.

And, if he is watching the kids while you have YOU time, that really doesn't leave any time for him to relax and have some of his own ME time.

Answer 3

I have a friend in the similar position that you are in. If you want to stay and work things out you and your husband need to discuss this together and not in front of the twins. Let him know how you feel, tell him you love being home with the twin all day but you do need time to yourself and you both need time together and not in the nights when you go to bed. Set a date night for you and your husband where you both can go out to eat and maybe the movies. At least once a week would be good that would give both of you something to look forward to.

Good Luck

Answer 4

You have to have time for yourself otherwise you will go insane and all that work you are putting into the kids will be lost believe me I know. Tell your husband exactly what you told us and then hire an afternoon babysitter to come in on hour a few times a week so you can go. Also alot of gyms for women have areas for children to play supervised while you workout. Don't let the hard work of taking them out keep you secluded. When your husband says he never has time to his self tell him he gets to leave everyday for 8 hours or more and has no idea what it is like to only communicate with toddlers all day you need to have adult interaction to stay happy for him. Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

Is there anyway you and him could have some kind of agreement where you get 2 nights a week and he gets 2 nights a week to go have a couple hours to yourself either to go to a gym, shop or whatever and then maybe try to get someone to watch the twins on a weekend night for a couple hours so the two of you can go out and have a peaceful dinner together. This really is crucial to do for your marriage. Toddlers are a lot of work and it important and would be healthy for you to get a little time to yourself.

Answer 6

You have to take your life back into your own hands. Sit your husband down explain to him you feel like a prisoner. Trade places with him for a day. I have twin boys they are 12 now but as infants they were a hand full. Dont be upset during this conversation with him. Actually dont get mad at all, no matter what he says or does. Keep your cool. He is under a lot of stress also. A new family is a scary situation. I wish you both the best of luck. Try to hang in there. Communication is the key. Life gets better.

Answer 7

He is certainly being disrespectful of your feelings. Of course the two of you are probably stressed because of all the demands of keeping a house and taking care of your family. If you sit and talk about this as a couple and as partners in this situation, I think you can come up with a plan that will work for both of you. Like alternating gym visits, so each of you can go, while one stays with the kids. Also the two of you need to go out on dates. You have to make time for each other somehow. You will just become more and more resentful of each other if you don't. You deserve time to yourself and so does he. You need time together too. Make a plan. If you do not take care of your relationship, you will lose it. Then what will happen to your family. You are both working so hard to keep things together and you are stressed out big time. Call in the grandparents, or sister or someone to watch these babies. Get out of there together, it will make a big difference. Remember you are partners work on this together.

Answer 8

I feel you......you're absolutely right about not living like that. Don't
do it girl!!! You need some "me" time. Demand your "me" time.If
he respects you, appreciates you and all your domesticated duties you do in the household, he would be able to understand
that a few hours at the gym is well deserved. I know some problems in relationships can be worked out, fixed. You say he's
controlling.....mmmm.......not good. Remember you have your own mind, your own thoughts, own opinion and you have a sayso
in your relationship. Have you ever heard, [ a man will only do
what you allow him to do?] So the next time your husband comes home from work, have your sweat suit on and keys in hand. 20lbs?......... Good job! Keep up the good work!

Answer 9

Well first of all let me say that he is not being very sympathetic to any of your needs. This is selfish on his part. You must point out the fact that you are there in this house 24-7 and have to get out, whether it is to exercise or just to walk around a mall. You must also point out the fact that these children are part of him too and they need quality Daddy time with him. I see your marriage falling apart if you don't have a compromise of some kind, so put it to him this way ..."I either get my time, an hour or two now and then and possibly a Saturday to myself or we can separate and you will then be forced to have quality time with our children on a daily or weekly or possibly every other weekend so I can not become a recluse, and may I remind you that we are in this marriage together so please let's sit down and make up some sort of schedule that will accommodate both of our needs"! That should help. Don't let this go on much longer, you will regret it. Good luck to You and Your Husband, and bless you for being such a Good Wife and Caring Mother. Hope it works out for you, take care.

Answer 10

Control such as you describe is abusive. Are you able to work, even on a part time basis, outside of your home so you're not completely dependent on him? Will he go to counseling or to see a clergy person so you can come up with a solution to your problems together? Can you go to counseling on your own? If the answer to these questions is no, you need to find another source of help. First thing to do is make sure you have copies of all of your assets--bank statements, investments, mortgage statements, titles to cars, etc (get a friend to make copies while he's gone if you can't get out). Then call or go see a lawyer and learn your rights. If you are afraid of him, find phone numbers for abuse hotlines and shelters. There are ways out of this for you and your children if you want them and if he won't cooperate with you, but you have to build a foundation to make it happen. Good luck.

Answer 11

If explaining your situation to him doesn't help then just take the keys and leave. When he says he wishes he could have time to himself, remind him that his commute to work is time to himself you don't even have that.

You can try marriage counseling if you can get him to go. Maybe hearing it from someone else will make him more receptive.

What ever you do, don't let him control you. Do what you need to do for your own sanity. You might want to plan a night out for the 2 of you. Also, consider getting a babysitter for a few hours a week. You can go out durring the day without the kids.