Does anyone who has no children get pressure about having children from other people? I choose not to have children, I love my friends children very much and like to spoil them when am with them, but everytime am in a social gathering, I get funny looks when I say I don't want kids of my own.. am happy with my life and I think its unfair to be deemed selfish if one does not want to have kids. What do you think?
2007-02-17 06:05:56 · 11 answers · asked by lulu 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
in the same boat i don't want kids get allot of looks but its mainly my boyfriend who does the pressuring so i went out and bought a dog and told him it was his daughter and that was the closest thing he was getting and if he didn't like it he knew where the door was
2007-02-17 06:11:09 · answer #1 · answered by i love to the devil he's gr8 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a personal life choice. Why would anyone feel that they should pressure anyone to have children. Most people have enough of a problem keeping their own back yard cleaned up with out worrying about some one Else's life. If your friends are really your friends they would not pressure you on something so personal. Maybe they resent you for having a mind of your own. Get a cat and talk about it as your child at social gatherings and this will not draw attention to you about a subject that is none of their business.
2007-02-17 06:24:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't get pressure but I do get patronising looks from people who have children who tell me that I'll change my mind one day. Yeah, RIGHT. People used to tell me that about being a tomboy and that's showing no signs of going away, ditto various hobbies, likes, dislikes and ambitions that I've had since I was a child, but no, they're convinced that they know my mind better than I do. Even virtual strangers!
I know people who've had kids because they worried that they would regret it if they didn't. One of them refers to his baby boy as "spoiling everything". So it is entirely possible to NOT "change your mind when you have your own" and it irritates me that people are so quick to tell me that I am wrong but never to think that they might be.
I don't see why it's selfish anyway. The planet is overpopulated as it is. You could just as well argue that people who DO have children are selfish, when you look at it from that angle. Also, plenty of people have children in the kind of circumstances they would hate to have to grow up in themselves. My mother didn't have me for my sake, it wasn't an act of altruism, she had me because she wanted a baby.
When it comes to decisions like whether to have kids everyone thinks about themselves and what they want and only afterwards - if at all - about the child(ren), and so nobody has room to talk about selfishness.
From a practical point of view, do what I do, smile and say "maybe one day". (Or, if you're feeling really evil, burst into tears and say you've been told you can't have any and it's the hardest thing you've ever had to deal with in your life. That should put a stop to it.)
2007-02-17 06:30:37 · answer #3 · answered by Snakey B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know a lot of people who don't want to have kids, and they have not experience what you have. What ever one does in life they are called selfish, if it doesn't fit into the normal pattern of behaviour. When a woman had a child at 62 some bitches called her selfish, not taking into account the amount of old geezers who have children beyond credibility. If you don't fit into the norm people seem to question the way you are. You should be allowed to live your own life with out being criticised from anyone else. If people do judge you for not wanting to have children,turn to them and say I think you are selfish for having them, you have the rights to live the life you want, it is your life after all, not theirs.
2007-02-17 06:20:44 · answer #4 · answered by mellouckili 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also have no children and get weird looks when I tell people I don't want them. I believe it is very unfair for people to assume you want children; just because they have children does not mean everyone else wants them. I've never faltered when people give me a hard time - it's my life and I'd be the one who has to get up at 4am to feed the baby, not them. You aren't selfish - you're being honest. The next time someone tells you you're being selfish for not wanting kids keep this in mind: most people who have or want children are actually selfish, their reasons behind wanting kids is selfish. (I want to mold and raise a child, I want to pass on my values, etc)
Hang in there, you're not alone!
2007-02-18 10:31:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that 1. You are wise, and should be considered less than selfish; as many people bring children into this world as an attempt to fill holes in their lives, rather than working on their selves, that to me is selfish. (of course not everyone is applicable here).
2. It truly is no ones business but your own, and the people who make comments, or give you funny looks are rude and apparently uneducated (whether it be formally or informally.)
I wouldn't even grace their behavior with a response, unless you feel like it; and then, let them have it; be curt and polite, be brief, let them know you unselfishly feel that you can do more for others because of your choices.
2007-02-17 06:26:28 · answer #6 · answered by mchlmybelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to answer them in a way they can't put you down. Do you want to have kids someday? "I love kids, but at this time I'm just not ready to be the best parent I can be." No need to tell them that you don't want kids.That shuts them up. If they tell you you're wrong and you're a great person, just tell them that their opnion. Nothing else you can do. Don't get defensive. Often people don't realize when they ask. They assume, because most women do want kids and a family that to ask that isn't a bad thing.
2007-02-17 06:17:27 · answer #7 · answered by VW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're giving people more information than they need. If they ask you directly when you're going to have kids or something, you could make a joke about it, like saying, "In my country having children is a personal matter between a woman and her husband, not to be discussed with outsiders." Oh, we're from the same country? Then maybe you missed that class in etiquette.
2007-02-17 06:20:24 · answer #8 · answered by rcpeabody1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most people in committed meaningful relationships want to have children one day. Given that you did not mention a husband or a partner, I assume you are not married. Could your problem be more on the relationship side and not so much on the children side?
2007-02-17 06:28:10 · answer #9 · answered by Snowflake 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i think if it what u want and feel comfortable about it , yes dont have kids. But sometimes our decisions will turn against us. so what i can say is think carefully before u take drastic actions of not having kids.
2007-02-17 06:15:23 · answer #10 · answered by GLACE T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋