Pressure to have children, is it fair....?

Question

Does anyone who has no children get pressure about having children from other people? I choose not to have children, I love my friends children very much and like to spoil them when am with them, but everytime am in a social gathering, I get funny looks when I say I don't want kids of my own.. am happy with my life and I think its unfair to be deemed selfish if one does not want to have kids. What do you think?

Answer 1

I agree with you.
I do always think that most people in our society are so shallow, conventional and narrow-minded in so many way shape and form. They have their own stereotypical idea of what kind of a perfect utopia should be.
Once you didn't fit in their own traditional preconceived notion, they judge you automatically and they naturally become so uneasy towards you. You get funny looks is the ultimate proof of people's stiff uneasiness of something different in the society.

I truly support you for not having kids. That is a very wise choice and mature decision in your life. And I respect your decision for not having kids at all which probably much better for you. This is your life not other people's life at all. They don't feed you or pay your daily life, do they? I respect and appreciate you love for your friend's children. For me that's better than you have children and you abuse your own children.

I do know so many people have children in their life BUT they 'waste' their own children and abuse their children emotionally and physically. So, what is the main purpose of having children if you cannot deal with them at all instead abusing your own children and giving them a darkness into their soul? We all know about horrible child abuse cases everywhere in this world. That's just gonna show us how careless and how immoral people are in our society to have children but to abuse their own blood offspring.

I am on your side. You are truly a great woman if you chose not to have children for the sake of children's happiness longevity. You basically already saved children's life by not having children at all and only focus on giving care and love to other people's children. That is a so much better action for making the world a better place.
I know so many people out there having children for the sake of their own pride, honor and self-righteousness only without acknowledging that children have spirit and soul, children are not objects that could be smashed, kicked, mocked, slapped, hit, insulted, rammed, jolted or punched emotionally / physically all the time.
I believe that the children are our future. We have to teach them well and let them lead the way. To show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be.

I was a victim of child abuse from irresponsible parents.
So, I have no hesitation to say this to you because I know how does it feel to be a child who was abused, abandoned and neglected all his life without any pure love and compassions at all instead received so many emotional violence and abuse which give a child such a dreadful emptiness and trauma in his/her soul.... while a child should really be living under the brightness of the sun shine, not in the darkness of the soul.

Answer 2

You have just spoken one of my thoughts out loud!!!

I love my friends kids with all my heart but Im definetly not ready (and doubt i ever will be) to have any of my own. I constantly get snide comments at college off other members of my class that I have more time to study etc because I dont have kids ( I do have other things in my life).

And then theres the comments about the fact that I own a cat and why dont I just have a baby instead - like the two things compare.

Why can a man turn round and say 'I dont want kids' and no body bats an eyelid (in fact men dont even get asked this question)? I say that and people always say 'you'll change your mind one day - your clock will start ticking' Ive even been told that im getting on a bit now and would be an old mother (i'm 26).

People only have kids so that someone can look after them when they are old and senile (the kids put them into the first home they can).

Dont get me wrong - i dont disagree with anyones choice to have kids - i just dont understand it!!!!!

Answer 3

It's extremely rude for people to put you down or disregard your views when you say that you don't want children. You even sound guilty in your question ("I love my friends' children..."), and there's no need to feel that way. It's not selfish at all -- I've known a lot of parents who are extremely selfish themselves, so don't let them try that one on you. In fact you could argue that your choice is the most ecologically sound these days.

People who are childfree have lots of different reasons for being childfree. It's not as black and white as most people assume. Some are never in a wise position socially or financially to have them, others never meet the right partner, and others just don't think they have what it takes to be a parent.

Me -- I'll be brave enough to admit it-- I don't want to be a mum because I don't particularly like children very much. They're 'ok', but that's it. I'm not swept away on a cloud of oxytocin every time I see one, hence I don't think they're interesting or fun or hilarious or adorable or any of those things that the majority of adults think kids are.

And hey if anyone's thinking of getting on my back for saying so, I never wanted to be Prime Minister either, because I never wanted to work with politicians. Same thing. And I hastily point out that, having worked and paid tax continually for the last 25 years with at least another 25 years to go, I'm happy to be one of the people who've contributed the most funds towards the education of other people's children. More than most parents contribute, in fact. May they have the resources and enjoy them.

Answer 4

I have had children I have 6 grand children. It is an overcrowded ailing world, I adore my Grandchildren and both my children and my stepsons, however both my children were accidents (ok it was a long time ago contraception wasn't so reliable) I never wanted grandchildren because I don't think much of the world we are leaving them to inherit. May you continue in happy childlessness. Children are a lifelong responsibility not a bandage to hold an unfulfilled life together. You know you are making the right decision leave those whose life is unfulfilled without children (my daughter has adopted 2) to have them. I bet you're the best "auntie" ever.

Answer 5

I know what you mean, even though my situation is a little different than yours. After my son was born my wife and myself agreed not to have any more children. Everyone told us that we were being selfish for making that decision. At first I felt a little bad, because I know my mother wants to have a lot of grandchildren, but I also have brothers and sisters. If they choose to, they can have a lot of kids. Just give it time, they'll eventually get over when they realize how serious you are.

Answer 6

No it's not fair. I'm 45 with no children. I heard that in ancient Greece I would have been killed at 30 for having no children.
Thank goodness for modern life. I've heard people with children say the children were unexpected or an accident. Other people tell me I should have them to carry on the family name,help with house chores,get me beer...etc. The only reason you should have children is because you really want them and you know you can provide them with food,clothing and shelter. Otherwise it would be better to not bring new life in this world.

Answer 7

I think it is because people view women as wanting to have children. it is seen as a women's role (in a sense) and thus those who do not want children are seen as a little odd, or selfish. I think it is fine that not all women want kids. And even if she does not want kids because she is selfish then so what? At least she has the courage to say she is too selfish for children. having children is not for everyone, and whatever their reason for not wanting children their reason should be respected rather than frowned upon.

Answer 8

I don't think it's the slightest bit selfish - if you don't want children, don't have them. It would so wrong to have a child just because you thought that you ought to.

I understand what you mean though. My sister-in-law married her husband after living with him for 5 years. Everybody assumed they'd finally got married because they were planning to have kids. It drove her nuts the number of people who kept asking when they could expect the pitter patter of tiny feet. I don't know why other people think that they have the right to ask such personal questions about such a sensitive issue, or pass judgement on your decisions.

You only get one life and you need to live it how you think is best. Ignore everyone else!

Answer 9

No if u dont want to have kids then thats fine.look @ oprah...BUT there are some women out there who make that choice or wait until it's toooo late to have a baby, then they become bitter and hateful towards those who do have kids....I had my daughter @16 yrs old...it usually was the women who had kids that were always being supportive and giving me advice....Then there are some women who looked down on me, and usually the ones who looked down on me are the ones who dont or cant have kids....they end up becoming bitter....

As long as you feel it's right for you AND it makes u happy..then that fine...But Honestly, I dont think it's ppl who are pressuring u, I think it's that u may feel uncomfortable about ppl bringing up the issue...Like teengers and peer pressure with drugs/sex...

Answer 10

we've got 2 children and love them to bits, but think it's really really unfair of people thinking its strange if you don't have kids.if your happy and live a full life DONT have kids because you feel pressured> what a great life to be able to spoil them then hand them back.its your life not theirs, their probably jealous of your lifestyle.enjoy your life and just have a quite smile to yourself when you hear the problems that their having with their kids.good luck.