Pressure to have children, is it fair....?

Question

Does anyone who has no children get pressure about having children from other people? I choose not to have children, I love my friends children very much and like to spoil them when am with them, but everytime am in a social gathering, I get funny looks when I say I don't want kids of my own.. am happy with my life and I think its unfair to be deemed selfish if one does not want to have kids. What do you think?

Answer 1

I have kids and I think you are a very wise lady.

Answer 2

I have a daughter, married 6 yrs and although she hasn't said she definitely doesn't want children I know she isn't trying and doubt if she will. My other daughter is keen to have them. However I think I am the only female of a certain age in the world who isn't desperate to have grandchildren. I am sure I would love them if they came along but there must be a really selfish bit in me as I have no notion to baby sit, even more so child mind if my daughters worked which I am sure they would as both have great careers. Sorry for diverting there as I know the question is about people not wanting children. I don't mean this to come over as someone should have children for the children to run after them in their old age but I know quite a lot of elderly people who didn't have a family and really are lost as they often don't have someone really close, more so if one partner dies and the other is left. A particular experience was with elderly neighbours, Christmas etc they were on their own and they had nieces, nephew etc 2nd Jan who were mostly my age and they actually told me it was a 'chore' to go and most years they wouldn't all attend. Older, childless couples also when talking to you act as if they have this absolute wonderful relationship with a particular relative like a niece, really trying to substitute for the child they never had but even if the niece is very fond of an aunt or uncle it would be very unusual to think of them the way they would their mum or dad. It is really sad and something you wouldn't really think of when you are child bearing age. Even today my daughters and I have been in town all day, shopping lunch etc, don't get me wrong it's not the perfect mother/daughters relationship we often don't see eye to eye but you feel so comfortable in the company of your family as with those you are close to it is just so natural. In my case I thankfully still have my husband (who hopefully doesn't realise I'm on the computer when I should be getting ready to go out with him tonight) but you don't always have your partner for ever and brother/sisters will have their own families and so will friends no matter how close you are.

Answer 3

It's America! it's your right to choose whether or not you have kids! As long as both partners don't want kids I say have a great long life without kids! Frankly, if you end up having kids and don't want them, you will regret having them and the kids will pick up on that. If you are happy the way you are, stay that way. don't feel obligated to bring kids into the world just because someone thinks you should. My sister doesn't want kids either. It's not selfish at all! The other people just forgot how much fun marriage was without the kids!!! good luck to you and don't give in to whatever someone else says is right for you. You will be the one to raise the kids, not them. So next time you hear "Kids are soooo worth it", tell them to cram it or just say that it's not worth it to you...Plus your helping with the drastic population increase by sticking to your guns!!!

Answer 4

Your choice to have children or not to have children is exactly that...YOUR CHOICE!!! If you do not want to be a mother, then you absolutely should not be a mother. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. It is silly for people to think that everyone is meant to have children. Not everyone is meant to be a doctor, a lawyer, a chef, or an accountant, so why is it that people think that everyone is meant to be a parent! What you are doing right now is great- being the fun friend of mommy's that spoils the kids! Every kid needs a grown up like you in their lilfe!

Answer 5

Having children or not is YOUR choice, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. No you are not selfish, it would be MORE selfish to have children you didn't want and then either abuse or neglect them. Yes it is unfair but look at it this way, the reason some people don't like the fact that someone else doesn't WANT children is that they are miserable being parents themselves and can't stand to see someone else who isn't as miserable as they are. Enjoy non-parenthood.

Answer 6

If you don't want children you don't want them and it completly your choice, i do have a child but when i was younger i always said i didn't want any and my son wasn't planned although i wouldn't change him for the world. I think its just that some people are narrow minded and believe if a woman can they should have children or maybe it because they do have children and cant imagine what it would be like not to, or maybe there just jelous because whilst there buying nappies and toys you can afford those shoes that they wanted... lol!!. Tell them to mind their own business, stick to your guns, dont feel pressured into having children if you don't want to.

Answer 7

It is utterly unfair for anyone to put pressure on anyone else to have children.

But do be careful. Lots of people believe firmly that they don't want children, then get to their late thirties and suddenly decide it's the one thing they do want.

And late thirties is not exactly the best time to start wanting a family, due to decreasing fertility and increasing chances of problem pregnancies and difficult births.

I hope you make the right decision, and I wish you happiness :-)

Answer 8

you have purely spoken considered one of my strategies out loud!!! i admire my friends young ones with all my heart yet Im definetly no longer waiting (and doubt i ever would be) to have any of my own. I constantly get snide comments at school off different individuals of my type that I even have greater time to income etc through fact I dont have young ones ( I do produce different issues in my existence). and then theres the comments on the subject of the reality that I own a cat and why dont I purely have a toddler quite - like the two issues evaluate. Why can a guy turn around and say 'I dont choose young ones' and no physique bats an eyelid (in reality adult men dont even get asked this question)? I say that and persons consistently say 'you will substitute your strategies sooner or later - your clock will commence ticking' Ive even been informed that im getting on somewhat now and could be an old mom (i'm 26). human beings in basic terms have young ones so as that somebody can look after them while they're old and senile (the little ones placed them into the 1st domicile they are in a position to). Dont get me incorrect - i dont disagree with anyones option to have young ones - i purely dont realize it!!!!!

Answer 9

I respect you for that. There are many people in this world who should never have had kids, they are just not parent material and they had kids for all the wrong reasons. You are not selfish because you do not want kids, that is what you want and you should never let people pressure you into thinking different.

Answer 10

Its your life, too many people are sheep. Just be thankful you are not, you have your own mind, good for you I wish there were more people like us. I have 2 kid I LOVE to bits and don't know what I would do without them but that doesn't mean I think everyone should have them. Blow others off, do what makes you happy Just come back with "IM happy with my life and it sounds like you are too so thats great!" People can be sooo pushy.

Answer 11

I find that people don't believe me when I say I don't want children they all think I'll change my mind - if I still feel the same now at 32 I really don't think I will.
It's more selfish to bring a child into the world just to conform to society!