We have been married 27 years. 3 great kids, and he has been angry with me apparently for a long while, never said a word. Hates confrontation. Keeps asking me.....how do you tell someone after 27 years you do not love them anymore. Besides cutting me to the quick, I still love this man, I think he still loves me besides physically, he acts alot of the same ways. He doesn't want to leave......still wants to share the same bed (platonically only) and says he cares for me. I want to hate him, but I don't. Will I have a chance to make this work?? or am i just blowing smoke.. I am so confused at this moment...
2007-02-17 05:54:36 · 14 answers · asked by karenl624 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, the honest to God truth is that you have a chance here to improve yourself before you bail out on your marriage (and if you don't do it, you are going to find out the dating world is a hard place to be right now, and you'll just make a bunch of bad choices anyway).
So... there is a lot of resentment coming from him, and there's nothing you can do about it, and if he's not talking, then it's because he doesn't think talking is going to change anything.
So don't obssess on him right now. Take time to improve yourself. Cultivate your interests, excersize and improve your health, become a more interesting and more attractive person (pay more attention to grooming). The reason you need to do this is not to attract him but to feel better about yourself. You need to radiate positive energy to attract positive people into your life (and it attracts soul suckers too, so be careful).
Became happy, secure, and confident in yourself. And then you will know what to do and won't need our advice.
2007-02-17 06:05:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, matter how hard you try you can't make anyone love you. If a man tells you, " I don't love you anymore", than that is exactly what he means. Sure it hurts but do you want live and sleep with a man that you know doesn't love you I don't care if it is 1 or 30 years, he don't love you. Tell him you can just tell me, you are trying to hold on to something that is no longer there. If you've been married 27 years your kids must be grown, then you need to set him free. You ask for the truth you are blowing smoke and you need to give him a divorce and move on with your life. you are really bringing up we have 3 great kids that is fine but you do not have fine marriage. You are holding on to something that is lost and need to set him free. You say you are confused, about what their is nothing to be confused about, HE doesn't love you anymore and he doesn't want you anymore , how much plainer can it be.
2007-02-17 06:18:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is willing to talk to u and get to the bottom of it, i would suggest counciling. See where the root of the problem is and then u can build on it.
I dont think u will be able to get him to be honest, because it sounds like he doesnt want to tell u all he is feeling. U need a medium to talk to.
Counciling is the thing i think would be best in your case. 27 years is an awful long time to give up. But, if he isnt happy, u wont be either. If it cant be resolved, then its best to part ways.
I hope it can be hun. Its a whole different world out here compared to when the two of you were dating. Its very hard to meet a good person these days. Try to make it work if u can, but dont stay unless both of u can find a happy medium. It would be worse to stay somewhere that u arent happy or know your spouse isnt. Life is too short.
Good luck hun.
2007-02-17 06:02:47 · answer #3 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Basically he's staying for the kids, because if there is no action in the bedroom, he obviously doesn't feel the same way about you that he did before. Alot of couples after being married for a long time go through things such as this, you need to talk to him and find out what's going on before you throw in the towel, it could be something that you both could fix if he's willing to try. You say he's been angry with you for awhile did you do something that he can't forgive you for? And if so then I suggest you try and figure out how to get that forgiveness.Basically if he says he still cares for you, he does because you are the mother of his children.If he doesn't tell you he loves you and you are just living in the same house, you need to find away to talk to each other and figure out how to save or end this marriage.Good luck
2007-02-17 06:05:53 · answer #4 · answered by glorene b 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes there is hope. My wife and I have been back together for 5 months now after being separated on and off for the better part of 2 years. When we separated, we down right despised each other and neither one of us had any inclination to try to be together again. There is no way we thought then, that we would want to try to be together again. We are living day to day right now and I feel closer to her than I ever have, and I think she is feeling the same thing. We will be celebrating our fifteenth anniversary on April first. Only fools fall in love. The big loser in all of this is our divorce lawyers.
2007-02-17 06:19:06 · answer #5 · answered by The Central Scrutinizer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just start thinking loving things and the rest will follow. Be nice instead of mean. Flirt with him, give him compliments look nice. But on nice cloths, just beacuse.
Once you start showing intertest in him again, he will come around and do the same.
Try it for about 6 months. When you feel like being mean or yelling at him, give him a hug instead. When you don't want to cook make something sweet (like cookies) isntead of going out. When you don't feel in the mood, but your husband is, give into him instead of rejecting him. I promise, if you are just NICE to him for the next 6 months, things will turn around FAST.
2007-02-17 07:11:25 · answer #6 · answered by Pandora 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't walk, RUN to a marriage counselor! There is absolutely hope for your marriage! The two of you absolutely CAN fall back in love! It would be foolish to let 27 years slip away! Hang in there! You guys can make it through this!!!
((Also, pick up the book His Needs Her Needs by William Harley! The book is perfect for showing you how to fall in love over and over again through the duration of your marriage!))
2007-02-17 06:13:52 · answer #7 · answered by Nurse Jacqui 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am no expert on marriage, but I think you need to talk to him about what is going on. It seems that even you are confused with what he is saying(???) If he doesn't love you anymore then I don't see a way that you can make him fall in love with you again. If being with him makes you happy, then you should try and work things out. If you have any doubts then maybe it's time to move on.
2007-02-17 06:01:02 · answer #8 · answered by :) 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
dont worry it will work out maybe he is just having a midlife crisis? if he is still reluctant to move out then he must love you and care for you. u should just have an open discussion about your marriage and what is reall bugging him and maybe this will help. im not sure if my answer will make any sense because im only twelve but if u r ment to be it will work out. just take what u get.
2007-02-17 06:04:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think there's hope. Gently encourage him to open up, no matter if he says he doesn't want to. Don't screech at him, just, gently remind him that you want to know what's bothering him. Don't give up honey - if he's a good man, they're hard to find.
2007-02-17 06:04:35 · answer #10 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋