Not wanting sex while pregnant??? HELP?

Question

Dear everyone, I am normally a very sexual person but lately I have not been feeling so hot. I don't know if it's that I am losing my waist and my butt and legs are already looking bigger or hormones.

I don't want my hubby to think I don't want him! I still try to have sex with him when I feel the most like i might want to.... it's so horrible. We never needed lubrication (like ky) and now we need it everytime. It is almost embarassing. I have tried to tell him that sometimes i feel sick or have painful gas and i am just not in the mood, but that can't make me look any sexier to him?

I am so scared he is going to look somewhere else, although I have no reason to suspect that now. Any advice would be appreciated on this topic... thanks in advance!!

Answer 1

Believe it or not, many men actually find pregnant women to be attractive. I can't explain it, but I know it's the case for me. Does you husband do anything to bolster your self image? Tell you your beautiful, kiss you, hold you, etc? Rather than focusing on sex, try to just focus on being close. Try things like having him rub lotion over your body. When you do try to have sex, put more time into foreplay. Try not to get down on yourself; your body has a crazy soup of hormones going through it right now and that can wreak havoc on you sexuality - especially your physical response.

If all else fails, I'm sure your husband will be content as long as you don't ignore him. If you don't feel comfortable with intercourse, try manually or orally stimulating him.

I went through two full term pregnancies with my ex-wife and there were times when she really wanted sex and others when she didn't want to be touched. I'm sure what you are feeling is very normal, but you might talk to your OB/GYN to see if they have any ideas that might help your physical response.

Answer 2

I completely understand. I never wanted to have sex while I was pregnant either--mostly because I just didn't feel sexy anymore.

Talk to him. Tell him you don't feel sexy, etc.

My hubby and I didn't have sex as often while I was pregnant, but we still had sex. Try to pick times that will bother you less. For example, if you are really tired by the end of the day, try in the morning after first waking up.

For the most part, my hubby understood that I wasn't in the mood. But I did still make an effort to to have sex with him. I feel like it should go both ways. Sometimes you don't want to and he does--and you don't have sex. Other times, you do have sex.

What trimester are you in? If your first, things may change. Some women get more in the mood during the second trimester.

I wouldn't worry about him fooling around. He might spend more time in the bathroom, though, if you know what I mean.

Answer 3

Darling...I dont think my husband has had sex in six months!!! We used to be like rabbits...honestly, I am so attracted to him and always have been, and sex has never been something we lacked.

But...I have not felt like having sex since I got pregnant, and I am now 31 weeks!!!! I worried for the longest time that he would go somewhere else...knowing deep down he never would especially when I am having his son. We sat down a long time ago and had a long talk about it. When I did have sex with him I would cry, something about worrying I would lose the baby bc of sex, and then I would never have sex again!!! So...finally I just said I will help you in other ways...but I just dont want to have sex!!! I miss him...God do I miss him...but now I am not allowed to until at least 35 weeks, so medically I have an excuse, although even if I did not I would not have sex.

Your husband loves you and cares about you, and he will understand that this is just a phase and once this baby comes out everything will be back to normal!!! I do however know he looks at porn, and I help him anyway I can!!! I dont want to deny him every pleasure then he will go somewhere else!!!

Answer 4

That is totally normal. When I'm pregnant, I don't get in the mood as easy or as often, either. (38 weeks with #2) Some women get more interested, but not everyone. Just try talking to your husband and explain to him that you still love him, you just don't feel sexy anymore. You could always do other things, like kissing and touching each other (or just him). Sometimes if my husband gives me a nice back massage, it makes me more interested. By about 7-8 months, most guys aren't very interested in sex anymore, anyway. They're all worried about hitting the baby's head & maybe hurting it, even though the doctors almost always say it's totally safe. So maybe you could just bear with it for a little longer, then it'll become a non-issue. Good luck with that!

Answer 5

Normal. That's the first thing I have to say to you, it's normal for a pregnant woman to feel different. Some do some don't. Everyones different, every single pregnancy is different.
You've got hormones, side effects and worries, fears and so many other things going through your mind it's not even worth it to try and figure them all out at times.
Try not to worry about what your husband thinks, yes I know not easy, but talk to him. Get the book what to expect when your pregnant, and sit down and read it with him. It'd give him the insight of what's going on, and it's got parts there just for fathers. Or if he comes to your check ups, why not talk to your doctor about what's going on. Dryness is a side effect, don't think that's not, you can bring that up with your doctor. Feeling sick, who wouldn't when you've got a baby pressed on your stomach and the crazy cravings that seem to boggle the mind? Relax your among the millions of woman that go through this.
Some times it goes away , sometimes your stuck with it throughout the 9 months. It's different for everyone, but your not alone. So talk with your husband, get one of the pregnancy books and read just how common these things are so you don't end up feeling bad. Your husband would more than likely understand that things are changing so you may both come up with different ideas to work around what's going on with your body. Don't be embaressed, you should be proud you've got a pregnant figure, indulge in that, make it yours.
Good luck, hope things work out! Trust me your not alone!!

Answer 6

Some of this is hormonal. Some is changing priorities. You will soon be responsible for a little life. Things are not going to turn around for the better after the baby comes. Your hormones and sex drive will not automatically return. Husband needs to grow up and remember, you have other obligations and he is sexual needs are not top priority! If you have to have sex with your husband to keep him around, then he's not worth it. You are going through some major physical and mental changes right now...You shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting sex...tell him to back off! I don't understand why some feel you should "manually or Orally" stimulate your husband. If you are already feeling sick, neither of those things are going to help your stomach! He can manually stimulate himself for a while!

Answer 7

i get in those moods too but sometimes you have to do whatever you need to do for your husband. That is my philosophy anyway even though some women may not agree. He is usually very understanding when i really feel nauseous or am too tired but i dont make him wait too long, usually within 24 hours. if you have the book What to Expect When you are expecting, it has a chapter called Fathers are Expectant too which covers this issue. Let him know that its not him and that you just dont feel good. Dont let the insecurity about your changing body be the reason you cant get in the mood, trust me your body is going to continue changing even after you have the baby, with breastfeeding and the in between stage when you have lost weight but your skin hasnt quite caught up yet, its all pretty un-sexy to me but my husband never had any complaints. maybe once in awhile you can do something um, just for him, sexually, if you feel up to it, that is a definite way to keep him from going elsewhere.
Trust me, find a way to accomodate his needs now because you wont find yourself anymore in the mood when you have a newborn keeping you up all night.
Good luck

Answer 8

Unfortunately, not all women experience this great need for sex while pregnant. I know I haven't.. For the first 4 months I was getting sick at all times of the day. In the second trimester I was adjusting to my new shape and to the terrible aches and pains associated with your sciatica. Now I am in the last trimester and I just feel fat, unattractive, and very uncomfortable. I too felt guilty for my lack of interest in sex, but I explained it to my boyfriend repeatedly and he understood. Your husband loves you and I doubt he will look for it some where else, after all you are going to be the mother of his beautiful baby. Just keep talking to him, and when you feel up to sex let him know, but do not pressure your self, because you may be making the problem worse. I found the less I worried the more I wanted to have it. Good Luck and like I said just relax it will work itself out.

Answer 9

Your hormones are amok and another person has taken your body "hostage" can't imagine why you don't feel sexy? Personally, I can admire the miracle of birth and the fact that as women we can carry another human being in our bodies, but it is not the most glorious of times, at least for me it wasn't. All of the changes are completely normal, even wondering about your husband. I'm telling you the hormone fluctuations are a *****. Remember this is the man that you love and the beginning of your family together. You may not feel horny now, but soon you may be a complete horndog! Pamper yourself and talk to other expectant moms and women. You are now a member of a special club called mothers. Wait until after your child is born and you find yourself doing something as a parent you SWORE you would never do. its a wild ride.

Answer 10

You know what i am in the exact same boat. I am normally a very sexual person myself but since becoming pregnant i havent wanted anything to do with sex. The motion of it makes me nauseous. My breasts hurt and stomach is tender. But its all to do with pregnancy. Sometimes i try to visualize (or fantasize) about me and my husband together engaging in sex to see if it gets me going. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesnt.
There are some wonderful things that happen with pregnancy that can really jump up your sex life. Your groin becomes swollen and engorged which in turn makes her uber sensitive. The slightest touch and its straight to heaven. You nipples and breasts are also more sensitive. Sometimes is almost too sensitive in which case you have to be vocal to your spouse and letting him know which is too much and what isnt enough.
I am guessing you are prolly in your first trimester still. Thats usually when women lose their libido due to an overall feeling of crappiness. But when the second trimester hits, your feeling a bit better, the morning sickness should pass (sometimes it doesnt) and you get an overall sense of wellbeing. Then sometimes out of this the urge will come back. Maybe not as strong as it was but it may be there.
I think your husband wont go out looking for it. Try sitting down with him and explaining what you know of that is going on with your body. If he is understanding, he will respect you and wait it out with you. And on the days where you are feeling frisky, give him a really nice HELLO!!!. Hope this helps. Feel free to email me.