i have reason to believe that my husband has been to a stip club several times. he knows that porn and things of the sort bother and upset me, but i find that he watches porn ALL THE TIME anyway and i am sure that he has been to this strip club. however, when i ask him about it, he says he's never been there. when i beg him to stop watching porn, he says he will because it hurts me, but then i catch him, up all night watching it on the computer. and the we fight about it. what i want to know from u other wives out there, is, would this bother you, feeling like ur not the most beutiful thing in the world? and though he lies to you about it, u keep finding out and he knows he will be caught, he still keeps doing it... what do u all think?
2007-02-17 05:25:13 · 16 answers · asked by shiningstar1313 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Because he is lying about it, he knows he is doing something wrong. Obviously it hurts you, so he needs to take your feelings into consideration. He definitely has a problem with it, so he needs to get some kind of help. People can be addicted to porn so you must treat this like an addiction. Don't get mad, but be supportive.
2007-02-17 05:34:49 · answer #1 · answered by His Angel 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same way you do. My husband has thrown all his porn away but I found out that while I was recuperating from a broken neck at home, unable to drive or go anywhere, my husband told me he was at a work meeting and was actually at a strip club. He had been more than once with his buddies. I was livid. He was still finding ways to have sex with me two weeks after I was home from the hospital. I forgave him for going but harder to forgive the lying. But we are trying. If it's worth your marraige try to confront him and tell him you would be willing to work it out if he NEVER LIES AGAIN! And don't ever think you are not beautiful enough,smart enough! Because I'm sure that is not the case.
2007-02-17 07:46:48 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know the feeling well,all women want to feel like they are the only woman in their mans eyes,Yes I would be totally pist if my man went to a strip club,he isnt keeping his word on the porn thing at all so why would he keep his word on others.I think strip clubs are so degrading and its obvious he has some kind of obsessions here with porn etc.My last bf. was the same way and I was cool about things my only thing was do it with me but I didnt freak at him but he still constantly and I mean thats all he thought about and did and it hurt me to the core.I dont think Men get how much it hurts us.Women are not that hard to figure out even if he was doing that stuff but still made you feel number 1 it still wouldnt feel as bad.You have to make a decision if you can live with it or not.You need to have a serious talk with him about the lies and how this is making you feel ,eventually the lieing is going to corrode your relationship. Its really simple MEN just let your woman know and feel like you only want her and desire her is that so hard???? Yes it would bother the hell out of me and i know it did,at this point every man I have known does some sort of this kind of stuff,but if he lies that easily to your face what else would he lie about?
2007-02-17 07:26:33 · answer #3 · answered by maryann c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same way you do, when it comes to pornography and things of that nature.
Personally, I feel that when two people are married, and they love each other.. there should be no need or desire to look at things like that. When you love someone, and you are committed to that one person, then they should be all you need.. emotionally, as well as physically.
I'm sorry, I just don't buy into the whole excuse of "it's only pictures" or "I'm just looking" because it's just not that way. Sure, a person may be all into porn, and not stray physically.. but in my opinion, people just should not need to be stimulated by looking at other women (or men) when they have their wife/husband at home.
I don't think for one second, that if someone is addicted to porn or strip clubs, that they can ever say that they are 100% faithful, or that they would "never cheat" because, in a sense.. when they look at other women (or men) and they are physically excited, and liking it.. to me, that in itself is a form of cheating.
You don't have to "touch" someone for it to be infidelity. As far as I am concerned, when anyone does something intentionally within their relationship, that they know hurts their partner.. and it involves seeing/looking at other people.. that is cheating just the same as if they were spending the night with someone.
So yes, I agree with you 100% on this issue.
Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to say that just because a man is looking at that trash, that they are always cheating.. but I do believe it's the first step towards infidelity. You two need to have some very serious talks about all of this, and how it makes you feel. If he truly loves you, he will do what he needs to in order to keep your trust.. and to stop hurting you.
Some men (even some women) think that issues like the one you are dealing with, are no big deal or whatever.. but whenever anything is causing tension within yourself and your marriage.. then yes, it is a problem, and it needs to be dealt with.
I hope everything works out for you, I really do. Just talk to your husband, and if needed.. seek counseling.
Take care!
2007-02-17 05:53:15 · answer #4 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Debblie. The thing Ive noticed about men who are into porn, (and yes, there are alot of men who know it's wrong and do not engage) is; they are horrible lovers. They are so warped and twisted they do not know how to satisfy a woman. They are all about the act, and no emotion or bonding. I would give him a choice; me or porn. And stick to it. Also, have you ever gone to a strip club? Those chics are super nasty and they'll do anything for a dirty dollar, I wouldn't even WANT a man that engaged in that sick perved crap.
2007-02-17 07:33:21 · answer #5 · answered by Erin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not be with someone who lied to me. This man keeps lying to you and you still put up with it. I think he has an addiction to the porn, the strip club well he's just so lucky he is not mine. Tell him to get counseling or get violent about it. I would not tell someone to get violent but I would get up and throw the computer on the floor if it upset me like that and he kept doing it. It is not worth having a computer if he is going to disrespect you like that with it.
2007-02-17 05:44:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
U two need more communication and need to compromise.
U cant insist he stop doing something.
As he cant insist u stop doing somethng.
A compromise needs to be made.
Perhaps, watch the porn with him. THis will be the time it is ok for him to watch. Only if he watches it with u. If u are into that.
As far as the strip clubs, yea, i think u have a legitimate reason to be upset there. He can have physical contact with them.
Its just asking for trouble.
GOod luck to u
2007-02-17 05:41:53 · answer #7 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, strip clubs don't bother me and when my husband has gone I really don't care (I even tagged along once!), but that is because it isn't something that he does often, and he's always been honest with me when he has gone. Now, porn all the time - that would bother me. He needs to get back to the real world! I think the issue is bigger than just strip clubs and porn. With all of the lying and sneaking around can you ever trust him?
2007-02-17 05:48:16 · answer #8 · answered by tagosb 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
To me, hubby going going to a strip club with associates in certain situations will be no large deal, as long as he grow to be honest about it. yet getting a lap dance? That counts as dishonest. would hubby like some random stranger rubbing his bits throughout you? Doubt it, so he don't have done it both. no longer to educate no longer being guy sufficient to personal his personal moves. The mendacity would make me imagine perhaps he's hiding more beneficial.
2016-12-04 07:23:35 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think there's no reason for you to get mad. Watching porno's is just men's nature of relaxation. well, much better if both of you are watching, for you to determine what will be his reaction when your on his side. Another thing is that, are you sure that he has been loitering in strip club? watching porno's does'nt mean that he has been in a strip club. i think your just getting insecured. why i've said this, because my wife is having tha same question that you have.
2007-02-17 06:15:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋