wife fell out of love?

Question

so heres the deal. weve been married for almost 4 yrs now and we have a 3 yr old. my wife told me that she loves me but not like that...if u know what i mean. she says shes is not sexually attracted to me and says in her heart shes sure that it will never change. any women out there that fell out of love with thier hubby and got sexually turned off and all of a sudden felt different after a while? pls help....

also she mentions sexual attraction was weak to begin with
:( i really love my wife with all my heart. im so confused

Answer 1

This is fairly common, especially with young children around. If I were you i would not rush to do anything other than listen to her if she wants to talk. She may be suffering from post-natal depression (it can go on for years after the birth) or she may geniunely have no sexual feeling for you. This does not mean you have to head for the divorce courts just yet. It depends how much she wants to change. If she loves you as she says she does, she will want to at least try to make things work. She should definitely go the her GP and talk about this. She may need some counselling.

If she tells you that she wants space, give it to her. Try not to cast anything up to her or make her feel guilty about what's happening. I think if you put any pressure on her at all, she will leave. If she genuinely does not want to be with you in any sense, then make the break as amicably as possible for the sake of your child. She cannot help what has happened, any more than you can.

Answer 2

I doubt that she just fell out of love. This must have been a very stressful situation for her all along, and it's more likely she has been having doubts for a long time and just did not know how to let you know. People often think that they can overcome any religious/cultural differences because love will see them through. But more often than not, it's not easy to get over a lifetime of religious/cultural conditioning. Even people from the same religious/cultural backgrounds sometimes experience difficulty adjusting to the challenges of married live, no matter how in love they are. That's why it's important to have the support of family and friends. The fact that her family never accepted you and you refuse to associate with them, could not have made it any easier for her. I suspect the whole situation got to be too much for her and the argument was the last straw. If she doesn't want to communicate with you now, don't pester her. It may be that she just needs some time to work things out herself; away from you and your family. I know it will be difficult but bombarding her with calls will only make her more resistant. Leave her alone a bit. She is the only one who can decide if she really wants to end it, but she'll need time to work out her feelings and what is best for her. Sadly, it may not be coming home to you. In any event, you've got to let her have the time she needs. There's little else you can do. I hope it works out for you both though.

Answer 3

All you can do is be happy for her and be friends with her. Maybe some of the people here fell back in love but that doesn't mean she will. You can hope for the best. Just give her that space but don't plan on getting back together. Things happen for a reason. She might not be the last one you love. Good luck!

Answer 4

You need to find an another wife

Answer 5

Here's the real 'deal' dude... she needs to feel good about herself. It could be about you if you smell or have bad breath or something, but from where I've been (and I've been "there") she needs someone to look at her like she is the most beautiful woman in the State (Just the State not the whole world, thats toooo out there) and the way you look at her has no *umph* anymore. She may have another set of eyes (only the eyes right now) looking her way and she is tempted to go for it....because it makes her feel special and attractive again... Like ya'll were in the beginning. You need to remember what it took to 'woo' her in when you first met and find new ways to do that again. OR...it is very possible just the opposite is happening. She may think you are just too easy, she has you caught with no more effort. Women like a challenge even after they have their man. Some women like to keep chasing or be kept guessing. BUT be careful, don't make her jealous right now, she's fragile.

Answer 6

To be honest with you, that is a lame excuse from your wife. I can understand that some women's sexual drive will change after the birth of a child. She goes from lover to mother stage. It seems like that is the stage in which she is in. Personally if she wanted to change the nature of your relationship back to be a lover stage, she would need to take some classes and see someone to get down to the root of why she is feeling the way she is. I am not saying it will be hot and sizzling, but any steps forward are good steps. With you going with her, I feel that will be a good thing as well. That way the journey will be new and exciting and rewarding for the both of you.

Answer 7

yes me and I will tell you why. He always was trying to push sex, everything was about sex and when he didn't get it he had an attitude with me for a few days (like that would get him any) That is some of what turned me off but then he started drinking coming in sloppy drunk, accusing me of having sex elsewhere, and then he started lying to me. That's when the trust was gone and I turned off of him. I also got bored with him. We never went out and done anything together. A lady gets bored if she isn't getting enough attention. I then since was being accused of it started seeing someone else and asked him to leave. But before I done that I told him the problems in the relationship and that if something didn't change I was leaving. I said I want and need the attention besides sexually and if I don't get it I'll find it and that I did. I left this man for 2 1/2 yrs and always told him when he gets his stuff in order I would be there for him. well 2 1/2 yrs I am there with him now and things have changed so much and he now makes me happy once again. been back with him 3 yrs now. Best thing I ever done to him!

Answer 8

Unfortunately for your wife, marriage does not provide the out that she is looking for. She can not ethically stand in and tell you that she doesn't find you sexy, it is a form of abuse. Nobody should be married to a woman who rejects them so callously on such an intimite level. Stand tall and be strong and ask her point blank what this means: Is it a divorce she wants? An open marriage? What on earth does she want to have happen? If she says a divorce, strongly imply to her that you and your 3 year old will miss her, and you will gently explain to your child when the child is much older why mommy wasn't strong enough to be with them and live in their home. Fight for your child, you are the strong and stable one here and she needs to get her priorities straightened out.

Update: I disagree a little bit with people who say try to be understanding because she may be a little down. Her comment sounded too pointed, too specific, too much like she is gearing up for a major decision. "She is sure it will never change." That comment is haunting and should set off alarm bells. It means she is considering giving up soon.

Answer 9

Time for counseling. Seriously. Ask her what she wants and tell her you want to fix it. If she is unwilling to do so...the next step is...
to head to divorce court. You can't make anyone love you.

Answer 10

It is very cruel for her to tell you that. Maybe she is actually asking for help. Go with her to the Dr. and see if she needs hormone therapy. Tell him what's going on.