I am going to be 36 this year. Have successful career, nice flat and independant lifestyle. I have vaguely thought that I wouldn't want to miss out on having children but I don't feel I have ever been in the right situation - i.e. married or in stable relationship with solvent willing man. I have recently been dating a much younger man ( 27) who I have fallen in love with and him likewise. Everything was going great for first couple of months until I found myself pregnant. Totally unplanned. At first I was sort of thrilled, then terrified and then overwhelmingly confused. When I told my partner, who is about to go back to University he made he clear he WASN'T ready to be father and didn't have any money. He will be desperately unhappy if I go ahead with preg. I don't feel I have a right to force him into fatherhood. I care about his feelings and life. With reluctance I'm 3 days away from an abortion. It seems the only answer..but I feel devastated. Need opinions...please help
2007-02-17 05:15:50 · 46 answers · asked by cmalone702 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Money is an issue as childcare is phenomonally expensive where I live and if I give up work I will lose my ( small) flat. I know I regret an abortion but don't know if I'd regret a child - how do I know? I think it would actually be better to regret and abortion, as at least only I would be suffering then and not the child
2007-02-17 06:01:50 · update #1
Don't do it. It won't save your relationship. If he really loves you, he'll deal with it. If you kill this baby just to make him happy, you'll end up regretting it and resenting him for it later. Then you won't have him anyway, and you will have killed an innocent. You didn't get pregnant by yourself. Please give the baby a chance. You could always give it up for adoption, then you wouldn't have to raise the baby, but you wouldn't have to kill it, either.
2007-02-17 05:22:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
From what I've read, it doesn't sound like you want to have an abortion.
I really hope you are not going to base this decision on how HE feels and what HE wants. This is something only you can decide. This is YOUR body. I just don't want you to have the abortion and then regret it. (You may be okay with it for a while but then months or years down the road...who knows!) Whose to say that he will stay after you have the abortion?
Being a single mom is not the worst thing in the world. There are people and programs out there to help you along the way. It's not like you are 15...you sound pretty stable and like you have a good head on your shoulders.
The father can always go to court and sign away all parental rights to this baby.
You do have options. Abortion is not the only one.
If you do decide to have the abortion, make sure you have a good support base. Friends and family (if you chose to tell them) and make sure you talk to them...don't keep anything bottled up inside.
I wish I could keep typing...I have so much more to say. You can email me if you want to talk more...I've been on both sides and have NO judgment.
Just make sure YOU can live with the decision you make.
I wish you all the best...
michellecdnd@yahoo.ca
2007-02-17 05:36:10 · answer #2 · answered by michellecdnd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My situation was similar. But you know what? Life has a way of working out - it simply does.
Have the baby. If you don't, it will be something you regret for the rest of your life. If you do, you may think "Hell this is hard" for a moment or two, but then you'll look at your baby and simply not care about anything else in the world.
It's the BEST thing in the world, having your own baby. You can't FORCE someone into fatherhood. He can make that decision whether to stand by your side or not as a father, but legally he will always be obliged to pay you maintenance.
Nothing will fall apart if you have this baby - if he is ready to force you towards abortion, is he the man you want??
You're 36, you may (without sounding mean) get many more chances, and here's one thats landed in your lap.
Have your baby - even have it adopted if you think thats best but please, not abortion. Even at 6-8 weeks pregnant they show the fetus can feel pain etc. I use to be very pro abortion --- till I had my own child.
Really, things will work out.
Even feel free to contact me personally - I'm always here if you want to talk about anything at all, the highs and the lows, or to offer a helping hand.
2007-02-17 06:34:01 · answer #3 · answered by Straight Talker 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, do what you feel is best. If you don't want a child, then by your choice you can have an abortion. But it sounds like you have a fairly stable life, decent amount of money, and and urge to be a mom! If you have this baby, you are not "forcing him into fatherhood" (he did that when he had sex with you), you're simply going down a new road in your life and inviting him along for the ride...if he doesn't want to go, that's up to him. It sounds like maybe a lot of this has to do with money from his point, too. While babies ARE expensive, let him know that even if he's in school, YOU have a job, and you don't need a man to take care of you and your child. It sounds like he may want to end the relationship if you don't abort, but that isn't what love should be based on...whether or not you do exactly as he says....you created this life together but YOU, my friend, have the main say in what happens to it. Plus, his feelings aside, it sounds like you will be devastated it you have this abortion, especially since you feel forced into it. This will give you negative feelings toward the relationship and just as likely drive a wedge between you two.
Do NOT be this irresponsible man's doormat. If you want this baby, have this baby, and if he doesn't like it...there are plenty of single parents who have made situations like this work, most of the about 20 years younger than you. Do what you want to do for yourself, not a man who can't deal with the consequenses of his actions!
2007-02-17 05:29:36 · answer #4 · answered by grayhare 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Please do not go through with the abortion. This is something you will never ever get over, especially if on some level you actually want this baby. If you love one another like you say you do, there really is only one answer, have the baby. He might not be ready for fatherhood, but show me a man out there who is. You say he will be unhappy if you go ahead with the pregnancy, but ask him to see it from your point of view, and when he feels that little baby move around inside you, he will feel differently. As for 'having no money', nobody really has enough money before thay decide to have a child, no matter how much money a person earns, their lifestyle reflects that with their nice houses and cars etc etc etc, so everyone has to make sacrifices financially when they bring a child into this world. I could go on and on about my fellings with your situation, but at the end of the day my opinion does not count, it is your life, your relationship, and your baby, nobody can REALLY tell you what to do, only you know how you feel, but I would say this, if you listen to anybody's advice, listen to this - Please follow your heart and not your head. Talk to your partner about it and think really hard before you make a decision. I beleive everything happens for a reason! Hope this help and I wish you all the best. It would be nice to know what you decide!
2007-02-17 09:11:55 · answer #5 · answered by SexyMama 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he doesnt think that he is ready he shouldnt be having unprotected sex. I feel for you but I dont think that having a abortion is the answer. The unborn baby is innocent in this situation and I think that the unborn baby should have a chance for life. If money is the issue their are government programs that would help you. Also as much for him you will only know what he will do when the baby is born and that is if you keep it. Some men have a face of realty when their kid is born and others it dont phase. But I would not abort this baby because the father may not be there. This is something that you really need to think about... I hope everything goes as you want them... Good Luck and God Bless.
Mom of Twins
2007-02-17 05:27:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im 36, my partner is also 27. He was unsure at first, clinging on to his youth or something, but now he has come round as is excited about being a dad. Im 26 weeks pregnant. U can do this, be strong. He will come round, but if he doesn't, do it on your own. Not being funny but time is not on your side. If u want kids ever, now is the time to do it. It is TERRIFYING but u can do it. Please don't abort unless u are sure it is what U honestly want, as I think u may regret it. Good luck in whatever u decide, and I do understand how u feel.
Jennifer s - u are an nasty piece of work, arn't u? I hope u find yourself in a nasty, difficult situation very soon, it might teach u some compassion and some manners!
2007-02-17 05:35:09 · answer #7 · answered by Serry's mum 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you have doubts about having the abortion then dont do it! I think that its vital you get some counselling asap to help you make the right decision. Its clear that you care about this guy and want the best for him but what about you? You havent forced him into fatherhood, he consented to sex and pregnancy is a risk that come salong with that. You cant deprive yourself of the chance at motherhood purely because you want best for him you need to think about you and the baby, this child is an innocent life. Having a baby doesnt need to be the end of your career and it wont stop you from having a nice home etc. Only you can decide what you want but the fact that your asking on her means that you cant be 100 % sure about the abortion. Good luck
2007-02-17 05:30:54 · answer #8 · answered by thedaddy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're just devasted at the THOUGHT of aborting, think about what the actual act will do to you. There is help for single women. If he chooses to leave, you can still do this on your own. You say yourself that you have a successful career and a nice place. Please don't abort, especially with the feelings that you're having. Who knows, he may change his mind upon seeing the first scan or feeling that first kick. Give it a little more time. Abortion is irreversible, but if you choose to keep the baby, you can always give it up for adoption should you not feel you're able to care for it. Best of luck.
2007-02-17 05:23:47 · answer #9 · answered by duckygrl21 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bringing another human being into this world and caring for it is the biggest responsibility a person can take on. Caring for a baby is the easy part. Raising a decent, well-adjusted person who is capable of then taking care of him/herself in this world quite another thing entirely. Being a single parent makes the job not doubly harder, but like 100x. It doesn't sound to me as though the situation is a good one. You don't have a reliable partner now and if you think things will change with a child in the picture they will, for the worse. Forcing parenthood on a person is not a good idea. I'm not telling you what to do, that is your own choice, of course. Decisions such as these are always devastating. I guess it comes down to the lesser of 2 evils. All I can say is really, really think if you are willing to change your life 100% and put everything on the back-burner. If you are going to take on this responsibility, then this child should come first and foremost. You can then get back on your track in 19 years when college comes.
2007-02-17 05:30:53 · answer #10 · answered by smp1969 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you need to sit down together and talkthis through. Is this the right man for you? How much do you want this baby, as the clock is ticking on your age. A baby is a life changing experience but wel worth it. Could you forgive yourself if you went ahead with the abortion and if you did would your relationship be the same. You really need to have a good think, dont rush in to anything that you will regret. Whatever you decide good luck xxxx
2007-02-17 05:27:56 · answer #11 · answered by malaga 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋