Is it ok that I stopped going to my friends church and answering his phone calls because of the homophobia?

Question

Being gay, I asked out this guy a long time ago because. He said he was christian and how it wasn't right blah blah, I said I was too and he invited me to his church who his father is the pastor of. I used to go to my friend's church a lot because I was christian BACK THEN ONLY because I was brought up in the stuff. Anyway, I did a lot for his church and really helped it get more and more members. He often called me every Sunday morning, making sure I was up and telling me to come on to church. Rarely were any homophobic remarks made at his church and that's what I liked about it. Even when I stopped being christian, I still went out of respect to him since he was my friend, always calling me on Sunday. However, on rare occassions when he offended me with the gay-rights being wrong stuff, I wouldn't attend. Anyway, I have chosen not to attend at all after his father said, 'gay is repulsive.' He's been calling Sunday morning wondering where I am, and I just ignore all his phone calls.

Why do I do this? Because he says over the answering machine, wondering where you are. I mean, his first answering machine message several weeks back should have been an apology for my feeling so uncomfortable. Well, I'm not even a believer in that nonsense anyway, but he didn't even comment on it. Rather he tries to get me back to help his church get more members. These christians are so obnoxious

Answer 1

Do this -- Call him up and tell honestly tell him that you don't appreciate his preachings, and that you are not going to his church anymore. If he can't respect you for who you are, then cut him loose. You don't need such people in your life.

Answer 2

Well, I am a Christian who has strong beliefs and opinions on the issue you mentioned. Still, the house of the Lord is just that - GOD'S house - NOT OURS. If you are going to God's house and are feeling shamed, rejected, not accepted or loved, and people are treating you poorly, then they are not showing Christian love, and they are being hypocrites. Now if the church is a Christian church, you do have to expect that they will speak out against homosexuality, because they are a church after all, and they are going to preach the Bible as it is written. I am divorced. My ex-father-in-law was a minister. His son (my ex-husband's brother) is gay. My father-in-law loved his son with all his heart (my father-in-law is dead now). Still, in church services, he openly spoke out against homosexuality. He didn't attack gays. He didn't say they were bad people or were going to hell. He simply said that the Bible says the lifestyle is wrong and we are not to do it. Because he preached this sermon in a Methodist church and there is debate in that denomination regarding this very issue, he was fired. He died of a heart attack a short time later.

My point is this: If you step into a Christian church, you can't rightfully be offended if you hear a sermon which says homosexuality is wrong, any more than you can offended if you hear a sermon saying that lying, or being unkind or whatever, is wrong. Sermons are taken from the Bible and they are meant to be helpful to each and EVERY ONE OF US. They are not meant to single out any individual, since we ALL have something we can learn and do differently.

That said, when you step into a church, you have the right to be treated with respect. You have just as much right to be there and to be treated with equal respect, dignity and Christian love as anyone else. If you are not feeling that you are being treated this way, and if the sole reason you feel you are asked to go back to that church is to recruit other members, then you are right to not want to go back. I don't blame you one bit. There are churches out there which will make you feel welcome and loved and accepted for the person you are, without judging you for the lifestyle you practice. Any Bible-based Christian church is going to preach what the Bible says is right or wrong. You have to expect that. Try to realize that in a good and loving Christian church, these preachings are not aimed at you or anyone else for that matter. They are intended to simply interpret the Bible, share it with others, and be a tool to help us all to be the people that God wants us to be. If you feel attacked personally in a church, then you need to find another church, because that church is not behaving with sincere Christian love. I wish you all the best. I think that if you want to go to church, you should find another church that can love and accept you for the wonderful person you are.

Answer 3

I would just totally ignore his phone calls, and if he doesn't stop calling, I would simply tell him "I thought you, my friend, and this church was non-judgemental, and I go and feel very uncomfortable with the rude comments about gay people... I am gay, so I should go to a church that makes me feel comfortable, I appreciate your concern, but I have chosen a different church to go to" That's all you really can do... It is really not nice of them to make comments like that, especially when they know you are there. I wouldn't go (personally) my church (immanuel pres. in Cinci/Clifton OH) is so okay with me being gay, and accepts my girlfriend as well... their always so nice and never made remarks like that and if anyone did (especially the Pastor) I would not go any longer. Good luck!

Answer 4

I would tell him, outright, that I am happy as I am, and that I have chosen another faith path -- that I am not returning to the church due to the homophobia and that I would be happy to be his friend IF the issue of faith was left out of the friendship. If he cannot leave that issue out, then I suggest that he does not really want your friendship -- and if he wonders where you got such ideas, feel free to show him this post, or have him email me directly. I would be happy to discuss theology with him, starting with the assertion that the Bible is not only mythic, but has nothing to do with Christianity.

Email me if you need to talk.

Kindest thoughts,

Reynolds Jones
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Cari: I disagree. Christian means Christ follower -- nothing else. There are 30 churches of a number of denominations in this area alone that welcome gay people JUST AS THEY ARE and DO NOT consider homosexuality a sin. I suggest you revisit your understanding of what Christianity means.

Answer 5

hm...when you did go to church did you enjoy helping the chruch get more members and helping people..? if you did then that's what you should be doing, you should be there helping other people..i'm sure his father didnt know that you were gay and when he said it, i'm sure he wasnt really thinking clearly. i'm sorry that it was said, but since he is a pastor he would say that because of what it says in the bible. you know what i mean..? but anyways, if you enjoyed going to church and helping people, then you should go and keep doing that, just ignore what was said and just keep enjoying yourself there at the church. if you didnt like doing that then you dont have to go back, but you should call and talk to your friend, he is your friend after all...but i hope this helps and you decide what you want to do..good luck

Answer 6

that's totally, very impolite. that's no different than leaving a cellular telephone on for the duration of, say, a action picture in a action picture teach. It disrupts the provider and distracts human beings interior reach. I understand that some human beings have purely forgotten their telephone grow to be on(I did at a doctor's appointment as quickly as :P), yet maximum purely purely have no manners and don't seem to grant a crap on the subject of the others around them who would wanna pay attention what the minister has to assert. I forget approximately the place I heard this line as quickly as, yet some thing you are able to desire to tell your minister to assert on each occasion somebody solutions their telephone interior the path of provider and that's not significant or they are no longer a doctor; "If that's no longer from God, do no longer answer it." i'm agnostic, yet even I even have appreciate for residences of worship(i do no longer even swear in a church) and thusly locate that line a snicker.

Answer 7

Where you attend church or don't attend church is entirely up to you. NO ONE can force you to go. I think that you are trying to get Christians to say that it is OK to continue in your sinful state,and let you attend without being convicted by the HOLY SPIRIT for your sin. The BIBLE said That homosexuality is an abomination, and a stench in the nostrils of God. True BIBLE believing churches are compelled to teach and preach the way to heaven. IF I know that someone is making a mistake that will totally destroy his eternity am i your friend if I don't tell you. NO I don't care about you if I set back and let you live a life ,thinking that you are a christian, when I know that the wages of sin is death. Death of body, death of mind and most important Death of your soul.What you do with gods gift of salvation from sin is up to you but don't expect CHRISTIANS to accept you sin.

Answer 8

Have you actually told him, out loud, in words, that you felt hurt by those comments? Some people don't think "outside themselves" very well, and he may be unaware that he and his family have caused you pain.

If you can, in a relatively objective and emotionless way, tell him what you're feeling, and why, perhaps you'll get the apology you seek.

He doesn't sound as bad as a lot of folks who are revved up on religion. Older folks like his father typically are less understanding of anything that doesn't conform to their traditional values, but he can't necessarily control what his father says.

I always hated churchy-people's tendency to try to "guilt" you into going with comments like that! "Where were you? We missed you?" It's really just a thinly veiled statement of judgement.

Answer 9

Believe me Crancrab1,
There is absolutely no need to go where you are made to feel uncomfortable. My late partner and I decided to worship in the open air and be free of the glances and whispers. If you no longer believe, then enjoy the day if you can. You cannot reason with people like that and are better off elsewhere.
Best wishes, Rose P.

Answer 10

not only would I NEVER set foot in that church again, I would not associate with its members, including the pastor and the son....what a bunch of loosers. You don't need to be around loosers, there is far too little time in life to do the things that you need to do. Stop wasting this time on these jerks.

Answer 11

I can't blame you. You aren't under any obligation to put up with anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. You might want to mention to your friend about his father's comment, tell him why you aren't returning to the Church and mention that since many of them seem to want to seek credit for "saving" someone, don't they also think they will answer for driving someone away? That IS what they have done.