I have a hard time getting my husband to come to social events with my work friends. He often wants me to make excuses for him for not attending. I'm in a very different field from him, so maybe he's concerned about the conversation. But really, my friends talk about everything and drink all night - they're a lot of fun! I'm tired of making excuses for him and feel a little sad when I see all my friends with their spouses. I've tried telling him how I feel but he kind of blows it off like it's no big deal. What should I do?
2007-02-17 04:52:23 · 10 answers · asked by illumina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just in response to some of the answers:
I've always gone out with him and his friends, unless I had work, was out of town or sick. I love hanging out with his friends! A lot of his friends have become mine as well. I actually encouraged him to go to his own office Christmas party because he wasn't sure.
Also, I don't drink (for health reasons) and am usually the DD. So that comment about being the only sober person in the room is usually me. I have fun with it and have taken a lot of crazy photos... he he.
Thanks for all the responses so far!
2007-02-17 05:15:01 · update #1
Explain to him that you really want him to be there with you and to be acknowledged as part of a "couple". You want to show him and your relationship off and this is why it's important to you...besides wanting him to get to know your friends better and vice-versa. Do you hang out and make an effort with HIS friends ? I was married to a man who was somewhat like your husband. We both have huge families and he would attend my family gatherings most times but I could tell he didn't want to sometimes and then other times he wouldn't go. And he never wanted to do anything with MY friends and actually tried to make me believe my best friend wasn't really my best friend because she didn't make a huge effort to come see me (we live 2 hours apart). He was always complaining about my friendship with her or mocking my friend's personality. Anyway...I know how you feel. I spent a lot of time with him and his family members, more than he would with mine. But eventually I got stubborn and stopped doing this and now we're divorced. YOU need to talk to him and make it clear because you don't want to end up like we did...unless it's meant to be that way in the end...who knows ? Good Luck !
2007-02-17 05:01:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an old time friend known him since 1984 it is just the opposite. His wife is an anti social *****. He is a good man but is no longer in circulation because of this. This is partially his fault as well. What is bad about this is if that person leaves you or breaks up with you you have burned a bridge. This guy I would never be close friends with him again because he has primarily ignored me over the years. I think in situations like this it is a control and jealously issue. The person is so insecure they will not even share the friendship of another with her husband. I or my wife are not like this at all. She goes out with her friends regularly and so do I. There is no jealously or control issues which are juvenile and ridiculous anyhow.
2014-09-29 08:48:50 · answer #2 · answered by frank r 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him be himself and stop tring to change him. To you it sounds like being with a bunch of strangers and drinking it away may be fun, but to me it is torture. Maybe he feels like me. I am antisocial myself and if you know that about your husband than why try to torture him like that? Try reading a book or go online so that you can find out some information on ant-socialism. Sorry to say but you obviously don't understand what it's like to feel what we feel. Stay home with him and cuddle for a change. He is your husband and your friends should not be more important to you ever.
2007-02-17 04:58:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think we married the same guy. One I'd start by not making excuses for him. When people ask where my husband is I tell them he just plain didn't want to go out. If pushed about why he didn't want to I don't hesitate to say he only likes to hang with his friends so I find it best he stay at home. When he does go with me he tells me he's ready to leave after 20 minutes......he'd stay for days if its his friends. I don't go with him to many of his friends funtions anymore when he asked why I didn't want to go I tell him for the same reasons you don't want to go with me. I stopped trying to tell him how I feel because he too blew me off. As a matter of fact we are going to a family function of his this afternoon and tonight I'm going to a friend's thing that he is refusing to go to because he won't know anybody. I'm only going to the family thing because I'm close to the person it is for otherwise he'd go alone.
2007-02-17 05:25:46 · answer #4 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't force your social life on your husband. Enjoy youself and let him do the same. I'm sure you don't always want to hang out with his friends either!
2007-02-17 04:56:50 · answer #5 · answered by the beet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is his personality.... u know.... there are persons that just don't lke to be in social events and that u have to respect....
But if he just doesn't want to go out, try stop talking to him until he goes out with you once.... and also tell him to bring his friends along! so he does not feel that lonely
luck
2007-02-17 04:57:10 · answer #6 · answered by nico 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever been the only sober person in a room full of drunks?
Might think about that angle.
2007-02-17 04:58:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
don't force him.He's probably not the out going type.Dont let this spoil your fun.keep going out with your friends,he just might surprise you one day.Until then,have fun
2007-02-17 05:01:34 · answer #8 · answered by sharonz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take him down to the personality store and find one that fits
2007-02-17 05:02:39 · answer #9 · answered by BajaRick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him they are all swingers and alot of fun ,see what he does then,you never know??
2007-02-17 05:04:26 · answer #10 · answered by chip d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋