Has anyone else had this happen? After 6 years, I finally find out why my husband was afraid to have more kids

Question

Okay, so I'm 38 weeks pregnant with #2. My husband and I had a conversation the other night, and, well, here's what happened.
When our daughter was born 6 years ago, I almost died. We were at the hospital and the labor was progressing normally, and then out of the blue, my blood pressure went through the roof (like 190/100 or something like that). At the same time, the baby's heart rate went way down (from the normal 120s down to the 80s). The doctor was on his way, and the nurses were prepping me for an emergency c-section. Just before they gave me the anesthesia, the doctor shows up, checks to see how far dialated I am (7cm), and pulls my cevix over the baby's head. I'm out of my mind in pain, but she was delivered normally about 10 minutes later.
My husband was told later, after all is said and done, that if they'd given me the anesthesia, I would've probably had a stroke, because my BP was so high. They also said, if the doc hadn't shown when he did, they would've done it.

Answer 1

i understand where he is coming from about being scared if i were a man and your husband that would make me scared too because not only was he about to lose the woman he loved right before his eyes help less as to what to do but at the exact same time he was going to be losing the very creation of a child that he created out of love with you whom he found so in love that he wanted to marry you and then start a family but in one instant he found that it was so close to being gone forever with no chance for him to be the night in shining armor that he can be and that scared the crap out of him i guess the way to look at it is put yourself in his shoes if you were him standing there in the hospital room happy and anxious one of the bigest moments in your life besides marriage and it all comes crashing down monitors screaming, nurses yelling trying to save this angel who is carrying your child since BAM for some reason something has gone wrong and you stand there helpless thinking to yourself oh god why no please dont let this happen then in the same moment things start looking up only to find out that if that doctor had been two minutes behind that would have changed everything that you might have a child but no wife to share the joy with because what may have saved someone else was the very thing that killed her so wow almost made myself cry thinking about all of that and i hope i didnt make you cry about it either i was just thinking that yeah he had every reason to be scared that if there was another one that this could happen all over again and not only would he lose you but now he would have two kids to raise without a loving mother so kiss him and love him for he obviously cherishes you to the end of the world without doubt and congrats on the baby

Answer 2

i also had a simular situation when i was pregnant and in labor with my son (who is going on 3). I had pre eclampsia though, and during labor my blood pressure was 190-95 the babys heart rate also dropped to in the 60-70's. I was lucky enough to deliver quickly (within a few mins when the baby's heart rate dropped) b/c i would have also been prepped for emergancy c section. I was put on a med after birth for 2 days in the hospital and had to have home monitoring for a few days. Im pregnant again (34 weeks) and my husband too is scared. I think that is completely normal to feel like that though. He loves you and does not want to loose you. You have to go in this with alot of positive feelings and remind him that it will be ok. I still have to remind my husband that i'll be fine. Good luck!

Answer 3

That is sweet that he cares so much. I know mine was a bit nervous, too, because I almost died with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. However, we discussed it and he did a lot of reading and research on the subject. Knowledge is power and helps so much so you can ask good questions when you see the doctor. If possible, have him come to as many prenatal doctor visits as he can manage so he can be right there and ask questions. If he is REALLY upset by it, seeing a counselor to talk about his feelings of fear might be in order.

Make sure you have a doctor who handles high-risk pregnancies and make absolutely sure he/she has all the records from the previous pregnancy. That way they know what they are possibly up against and can be prepared. It might not even be an issue this time but, just in case, the doctor will be aware and have a plan. That should make your husband feel much more secure about the entire thing. You need to also make sure you have a doctor who will be able to be there or that he/she has written orders about what to do in the same situation.

Pregnancy is NOT without danger so doing everything you possibly can to make it safe is important. Don't smoke, don't drink, get exercise, plenty of sleep, eat well and don't overdo. Take your prenatal vitamins and do a lot of research. Talk to your doctor about every concern and do everything in your power to be as healthy as possible.

Good luck and have a healthy baby!

Answer 4

I disagree with the previous poster. Yes, you can deliver a baby before reaching 10cm and yes a care provider can "stretch" your cervix manually and pull a cervical lip over the babies head in a situation where it's absolutely necessary. And it is very dangerous to put someone under with extremely high BP. It sounds like they would most likely not have had time to administer an epidural and would have gone straight to general.

That said, I can see why he would be scared. I hope though, that he can quell his fears for your sake to be able to make educated decisions with you throughout your labor this time. Congrats on your upcoming delivery.

Answer 5

Men cant go thru what women go thru, but that was very nice of him to have the fear of losing you! But the best gift you could give your family is a 2nd child. God Bless!
My 2nd had lots of problems, babys heart rate dropped to the point where it was heard fading away, my husband was on the virge of tears! They had me turned up, down, side, all around , finally the nurses had physically turned the baby around and the heart beat was heard loud and clear, I too, almost went for a C section, but in walked my Dr., and 3 pushes later - A boy!
Of course my husband forgot all that and now we are preg. with the 3rd!

Answer 6

Personally No. Try not to get upset about your husbands feelings. He is sharing his feelings and you should give him credit.

It is not uncommon for men to be afraid of having more children. Not only do they stress of another mouth to feed along with many more factors. Your spouse also doesn't get the one on one with you as he use to.

In your situation your husband is completely terrified. He almost lost you and his first child. Granted times have changed and more medicines are able to be used. The hospital will be able to monitor you closely since your first experience.

Try to understand your husbands feelings. Be happy he is sharing his thoughts with you now and not later.

Good Luck,

Answer 7

Seems only natural for him to be worried that the same thing might happen again. Hopefully you kept the same doctor so that if the same pattern develops during your next delivery, all procedures necessary will take place. Good luck, I hope you and your baby come out fine and healthy. Congratulations!

Answer 8

one problem with your tale actually two thgings one. you cant deliver only dilated to 7 and a doctor cant rip your cervix open . 2 they give epidurals to women with very high blood pressure all the time. to do c- sections. its safe and the fastest way to get the baby out and get the mother healthy. sorry but they cant pull the cervix over the babys head your body doesnt work like that you my friend are being very dishonest

Answer 9

Wow, that's quite the story! I've never heard of anything like that happening, but I can completely understand why your husband was afraid of having more! That's a man that obviously cares about your health!

Answer 10

Wow, that's really intense! I'm glad that you and the baby made it through all right, and I don't blame your husband for being scared for you! Hopefully this time around you have an easier labor and delivery.