Can anyone help? I'm having a dilemma... Do I tell this woman that her husband has been having an affair for two years? She has a 17 month old daughter with him and I just don't know what to do or how to do it... I feel as though she has the right to know what's going on but on the other hand I don't want to be the one to rip her world apart... almost wish I didn't know myself... So what should I do? Any advice out there?
2007-02-17 03:19:01 · 27 answers · asked by Numptie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would first ask yourself if this is your place to get involved. Why would you be the one to tell her?
She probably already suspects something and is ignoring it.
2007-02-17 03:24:08 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. You should not tell her that her husband is cheating on her. She probably won't believe you, or for that matter, if her husband has been cheating on her for 2 years she might already know and choose to ignore it. I don't know how any person (male or female) can cover up an affair for that long and their mate be asbolutely oblivious to it. Sooner or later, I think the signs would be pretty obvious. So instead of you being painted as nosy, the bad guy and other negative things, keep your concern to yourself. If she comes to you and asks you if he is cheating, don't lie. Tell her, and if she asks you why you didn't tell her sooner explain your reasons. Unless this woman is like a sister to you, and you guys are the best of friends, I wouldn't put myself in the middle of someone else's marriage. Good luck.
2007-02-17 03:41:01 · answer #2 · answered by candyyy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would confront the husband. Tell him that you are on to him and that he has two choices, either stop it immediatly or you'll tell his wife. Be prepared to have to tell her, though, chances are that if he has been involved with this other woman for 2 years, that there is a whole lot of emotion involved and he is not likely to stop. But the wife has a right to know. My husband had an affair, and it was his GF that told me eveything, and I wanted to know. I felt I had a right to know, and so does your friend. But if you are forced to tell the wife, i dont agree with the ones who have advised you to do it annonymously. Think about it, u do it annonymously, your friend is then faced with reading that letter and dealing with it all alone. She WILL need a friend. Trust me, I did. If it wasnt for my friends and family, I would have fallen apart. This is a tough one and I wish you and your friend luck.
2007-02-17 04:20:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you tell her that her husband is having an affair, she will no doubt confront him with it. And at that point, it will only be a matter of time before the husband finds out that it was YOU who told her. Are you prepared to deal with that? My advice is to mind your own business. Of course, an anonymous note in the mail that her husband is cheating on her and that her friends don't know how to break it to her might not be a bad idea either! he he he!
2007-02-17 03:24:13 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honest answer: It is not your right to tell her.Also if you tell her,you will destroy the marriage,also too it is not and never will be your business.You need to learn how to be confident,how to keep a secret.You really do not know,but for sure she knows already about it.For sure she knows if her husband is a Don Juan(men who like women,whatever they are married or not).So let the lady in peace and do not try to solve problems that are not really indeed your business.Keep your mind busy in your own life,your family,your friends,etc.If you want to destroy the marriage,then you will tell her.But never will be a good idea to destroy a marriage.Also for sure if you tell her,she will tell her husband that you said that,and then you will need to face him.Avoid problems that are not your business is the best idea.Solve your own problems.Live in peace with your neighbour.Think good,and smart.Good luck.
2007-02-17 03:59:05 · answer #5 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An affair for 2 years, my guess is she already knows and has chose to accept it, if you tell her that means she has to do something about it. If you are a true friend just stay close by to help her when she decides to do something about it. She will need some moral support.
2007-02-17 03:54:11 · answer #6 · answered by emma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, she has the right to know what's going on but you're not the one ripping her world apart...he is. She has the right to be disease free--he could be passing something on to her and you mentioned she has a 17 month old.
If you were in her shoes, wouldn't you want to know??
2007-02-17 03:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should confront him. He's the one who's put everyone in this situation. How you know about it, or who's friend you are, I can't tell, but given what little info I have, I vote for confronting him. Tell him that you wish you didn't know, it puts you in a horrible position and you don't appreciate it. Tell him that he needs to put a stop to it or tell his wife or both or else you will be tempted to let her know. He's got a child now, doesn't that count for anything? He's not only betraying his wife, he's betraying his child too.
2007-02-17 03:39:06 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sigh.
Note to Habitual Responders: This isn't about you or your friendship; rather, it's about a spouse's right to know. If you knew the spouse was a child molester, we wouldn't be having this debate. Why would you draw the distinction with adultery?
You're worried about a friendship over a marriage? Good Lord, woman, where are your priorities?
2007-02-17 03:49:22 · answer #9 · answered by Sgt Pepper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her. but have some proof, she's not likely to believe you if you don't.
now that she has a child especially, she does not want her world ripped apart so denial is going to be very prevalent.
its a shame really that men stray and even worse that there are women out there who don't give a sh*t about anyone else besides themselves and that's really all it is because there are enough single men out there for them.
2007-02-17 03:30:54 · answer #10 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She does need to know. But, you should tell the husband that you know what he's been doing and tell him to tell her first, or you will. Put a time limit on it. If he doesn't tell her, then you as her friend should tell her. BE HARD ON HIM, but as gentle as possible with her, and be there for her both ways. Good luck, I wouldn't want to have to think about this stuff with any of my friends.
2007-02-17 03:41:14 · answer #11 · answered by jenny in ohio 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋