how or will i be able to regain trust?

Question

my wife of 12yrs cheated on me with my ex-best friend 6yrs ago but i just found out 4 months ago. she was also having an emotional affair with another guy when she told me about the 1st affair. she don't show any remorse or regret about the situation all she says is " all i can say is i am sorry" and thats it. i am very unhappy because i have no trust and shes not doing anything to try to give me trust back. i feel the only reason i am still home is for my 3yr old. i would love to work this out but without trust i can't. we thought about counseling but we neither one want it so thats not an option. thanks for any help.

Answer 1

try going to marrige counsling i hope you can work it out because of your child if you both work at it

Answer 2

It would take you wife wanting things to work out for you to ever regain trust. The fact that she cheated with your ex best friend and then was having an emotional relationship with another man and has no remorse doesn't sound like she is very sorry about what she has done. I think the only way that your marriage would would out is with counseling. My husband cheated 8 years ago and never showed any remorse. Not even saying he was sorry. I stayed because at the time I had two children 2,1 and have been miserable ever since. I have never regained trust with him. I believe he has done it since then. I regret not leaving him all those years ago. I could have been 7 years into healing and moving on with my life. Don't stay just for the kid. You can have a relationship with the child without being married. Ask for joint custody.

Answer 3

Well, if counseling is not an option, hon, then kiss this marriage goooooooobbbbyyyyye... And here's why..

Marriage is, I think, respect, admiration, passion and trust---- the absolute four biggies in a marriage. She has made two big mistakes, first the betrayal of your marriage, then, for christ sake, telling you about it!!!!!.... Geeez. Betrayal is the only real deal-buster, hon----about everything else can be worked out.....So, hon, the trust is gone, with the visual you certainly have of her being pronged by some other guy. And thus for sure the respect and admiration you had for her, are in the toilet along with the other two.... hon, you don't even have a marriage, you have a room mate, and an occasional boinking buddy, who had a child with you.... Oh great. (And there has gotta be rolling around in the back of your head, "once a cheater......"

Right off, understand that it will be two years in counseling to save and restore your marriage, and that, sweetie, is no guarantee even if you both wish to save it. Trust is tuff to get back....sometimes it never returns, so the marriage ends, as that is all you see, and it grinds on in your relationship until it grinds it all up.....

Will you ever forgive her? maybe. Will you ever forget.... no f(l)uckin' way, hon, and maybe not even with counseling, which you have decided is out of the question....

You absolute only hope is counceling....since you have rejected that, save the time and money, and file. Every man and every women deserves a faithful spouse. You don't have one, and you nor she wish counseling..... hopeless, sweetie. hopeless

Answer 4

I went through a simlar situation. If you don't want to leave the relationship right now then just give this more time and talking. I hate to say this but sometimes the truth hurts....If things were the way they were supposed to be in the beginning then she would have never cheated. However, it isn't your fault. She is accountable for her own sins. A lot of marriages gets bad sometimes and both partners remain faithful. However, there are many that stray and still make their marriage work. This is where you both need to talk, and give it more time if neither of you want to leave. I would ask her to be more accountable of where she goes and what she does for a while.

Answer 5

A relationship without trust is not worth having. That is a rule I have. If someone cheats on me, it is over. Whether we have been dating for 6 months, or if I am ever married for 20 years. If they cheat, they are gone. I know I could never trust them again. And, I cannot be involved with someone I do not trust.

And, no, I have never been unfaithful, whether is was dating in HS, or when I was married. I don't do that, and will not tolerate it.

Answer 6

You will NEVER trust her again. Especially since she is soo non-chalant about it all. She isnt sincere and I know your constant worried that she still may be cheating (big possibility) Her attitude suggests to me that she doesnt care if know or if you accept her sorry asss sorry. Re-evaluate your life with this woman and for the record...staying together because of a child DOES not WILL not CAN not work!! You are only prolonging the inevitable.

Answer 7

well I'm not trying to blame you for what she done. But there was something already going on when she done this. She was not happy with something and it sounds as if she don't really care now. If counseling is out then you need to find you an attorney. I think it's pretty much over.

Answer 8

No counseling? You two need some kind of impartial referee or this is going to turn out even worse than it already is.

But if you two have made up your minds, then this is how it is:

She's going to cheat, and you're going to have to suck it up or get a divorce. There is something you can trust. You can accept that she is going to cheat, and there is nothing you can do about it. See? You can trust that.

Now, is that going to bother you?

Answer 9

well jeez man.

if she is going to be that emotionally unattached then she doesnt care.

she sounds really immature and just over you man.
sorry to say that but that's what it sounds like.

man, maybe you should look into the harm of what your child is going to see you as if you allow yourself to be pushed around by this woman. your kid will pick up that you are not happy and that will effect him/her.

if you all are unwilling to do counseling then it sounds like you are unwilling to really try for change.

emotional cheating = physical cheating. I prolly think emotional cheating is even worse. Physical cheating could be one act of pure drunked lust. But love and emotional cheating takes time to develop and she knew she was not about you no more.

so why are you about her?

gotta ask yourself this question man.

Answer 10

sounds like you have come to the end of the road my friend. time to jump ship i think. its hard to end it but sometimes it just takes someone saying the words. i was in a similar situation, but the difference was my husband was full of remorse and regret, he begged for me to give him the chance to make it right. of course he never could, but it has been a year and a half and we are on stable ground again. if your wife cant try to make it up, and neither one of u wants to really try u need to see it for what it is

Answer 11

You will never regain trust. End of story. But your question wasn't about what to do with, for, on behalf or because of the child. Your focus should have been on the child all along. When you have children, it's no longer about you - it's about them.

Note to lilshtck (whatever): if you're not going to blame him, why *say* you're not going to blame him? That's called kidding on the square. Now stop it.