Abusive Relationships?

Question

Has anyone ever been in an abusive relationship..phyical...mental..or both? Please tell me how you dealt with the situation.

Answer 1

I left. And, yes, I am a man who has been through those things. What kind of man gets abused by his wife you may ask. One who does not hit back, that is the kind. I will not put my hands on a woman. But, honestly, the best way to deal with it is by leaving. I finally did, and life is 1000 times better.

Answer 2

Yes and all the above. I felt that I could do no better and no one would want me with 3 kids. I had very if any self esteem, no confidence in myself, no pride or dignity. I thought that, that was how it was suppose to be. I thought that I really was the one making him do it. Well 15 1/2 yrs later I finally walked out on him and have never went back. I raised my kids alone and started all over. I had him arrested and an order of protection against him and have been through lots of counseling. I now have more confidence self esteem dignaity and most of all pride in myself and all I do. And I know I didn't make him do it. I often sit and think about how I waisted and let him control my life for so long. Then I think about how he is still beating every lady he has had and how happy I now am and how miserable he always will be. I found me a very good man and am the happiest I ever been. Thank you for letting me share my story.

Answer 3

I was in a very mentally abusive marriage for 23 yrs. How I delt with it was by becomming cold, angry, resentful, and miserable. I know I should have left probably in the first year, but I did not want to give up so easily. 4 kids later, I was pretty much stuck. I know this is not the answer you were looking for, but it is 1 way some people cope, so I think it counts. It was just not the best way.When my youngest was 12 I divorced. It was hard for everyone, but I feel it was best. I am still sad for the failure of my marriage.

Answer 4

If you want feel good, then read what everyone else said. You want factual and no fluff, read this one.

Look, there is a very good possibility that what you are now expereinceing is just what they showed you they would be when you dated. But like so many do, you may have decided that you could change them, could overlook or tolerate, could make them come around, could love it out of them, they would mature and want to change, etc. Well, sorry, but that is usually just fantasy more then anything. People are who and how they are, until the themselves see a reason to change and be different. You took them as they are and that is it.

Physical abuse is a crime, and it should be prosecuted. But I also warn you that you must be adult enough to realize that the way you act may play a role in this. If you walk up and kick a dog that is sleeping, the dogs isnt mean or bad when it bites you. You cannot antagonize a person but to a point, without somewhat expecting they might go off. Be reasonable and consider this.

Mental abuse:
Next, I find it laughable so many things which we view or call abuse. In many situations, looking at someone crossed eyed or telling them they are fat, when they are fat, is now considered abuse. Telling someone who polks themselves in the face with a fork everyday, they are stupid, is now called abuse. Basically, telling someone anything they dont like or want to accept or hear can be considered abusive by many. And that is sad to be honest about it. You must always consider that what a person is saying may in fact be true or correct, even if you dont like or want to accept it. If for example you do many dumb or contrary things, it is only reasonable to judge you by your actions, is it not? Isnt that what you do with others?

The Bible only gives us one reason that God allows divorce and reamarriage without seeing it as adultery. That is because the mate cheats on you. Thats it. There is a good chance that you got yourself into a situation that you had a good set of clues about, yet you decided to do as you wished, rather then heed the warnings you received. God is pretty clear about what his standards are. Now, that might not offer you much comfort in some ways, but then again, some situations are just like that, in offering little comfort at the moment.

Answer 5

This is going to sound a lot like blaming the victim here, but no adult has been in an abusive relationship for long that didn't ask for it. You have to be assertive and willing to take control of your own life or you are, by definition, a victim. Some people can even initiate their own victimization in order to validate their own feelings of worthlessness. It's scarry stuff, but healthy people will tell you when you are abusing them and ask you to stop and be prepared to escalate or leave if neccessary.

Answer 6

My step-dad has been around since I was 7 years old. He is only 13 years older than myself and he never seemed like the fatherly type, but rather the brother I'd butt heads with all the time. He seemed to always try to make me feel like I was in the way and if I ever did anything wrong he'd sigh and roll his eyes a lot and make me feel as if I were terrible and totally UNLOVEABLE. He'd even say at times that he couldn't stand to look at me and tell me to leave the room. When he and my mom found out I was first having a sexual relationship with my boyfriend, instead of talking to me about it...they called me a slut and threw me out of the house. He always criticized and never had anything good to say about me. They had a child together, my half-brother that's 11 years younger than me. He has been a good father to him and I never felt jealousy. I was glad for my brother. I did notice the difference in his treatment of us, though. I repressed those feelings over many years. I'm 36 now and staying with my parents because I'm recently divorced and going through a transitional period. I needed a place to stay and he has made me feel unwelcomed and in the way. This arrangement is only temporary. I got up early to fix them breakfast one morning and he storms in the kitchen telling me "Out !! I'm fixing breakfast". I had biscuits in the oven already and was breaking eggs open. He sighed his usual sigh and rolled his eyes and stated he didn't want biscuits. He complained that I was wasting a paper towel to put egg shells on and should've put them directly in the trash. After this treatment, I blew up at him. It was long overdue and I cussed him up one side and down another. I was angry and he backed off for a while but he's back at his ABUSE again. There's a wall up now between me and my mom that never used to be because I think I'm somehow holding her partly responsible for allowing him to treat me like this for about 28 years. I am voicing my concerns more now and not allowing it so much myself. It just hurts my feelings and I don't understand why he would want to treat me this way. His own son has caused him so much grief and worry and money over the years but yet he makes me feel like I'm the awful one and I've not deserved it. I needed a dad in my life and HE's what I got...doesn't make any sense. I'm stubborn and was no picnic to raise but I never deserved this treatment but it was allowed for a long time. You have to do something about ABUSE when it arises but sometimes it's confusing. Sometimes we don't always know how to handle it and sometimes we're told WE'RE too sensitive but eventually you realize what's right and what's wrong...if you're lucky.

Answer 7

I wasn't in an abusive relationship but my ex broke my jaw out of the blue one day during an argument ...... I pressed charges and that was the end of that :o)

Answer 8

Yes, for 11 years. They almost always end badly. Get out before your regret not doing so much earlier. Nobody has the right to hurt you in anyway. Just get out.

Answer 9

Yes and it nearly destroyed me.It was mental abuse.He wouldn't dare hit me ,he would be in the slammer so fast his head would spin.You know my friend there are worse things than being alone.All the best to you,move on and don't look back.

Answer 10

my mother went through this for 32 years. i asked her one day why she put up with it and she just said "cause I loved him"
as the children in this kind of marriage we went through beatings, cursings, being shot at, threatened with death. we were afraid for our lives. a lot of times we just had to get by day to day.
All the advice i can give you is that if you are in that kind of relationship--get out now. there are all kinds of ways these days to do it. just get some help. i would not wish this on anyone.
i can not abide even the hint of this kind of relationship today, i guess its where i lived through it, it has left me with a very strong will to survive and even though my husband has bipolar and things get kind of loud and aggressive at times--he knows his limits and where i was beat so much as a kid-- my kids did not have to endure that kind of treatment. spanked yes, beat with jumper cables NO!
good luck to you.