I start my third trimester today but I still don't feel pregnant, what's wrong with me?sincere answers please

Question

I don't have much of a bump, it's so small that people don't know I am pregnant until I tell them. I know the baby is fine though because he is kicking and moving as normal. To be honest until I feel him I completley forget I am pregnant! how weird is that? this is my second baby, I remember feeling very different mentally/emotionally with the first. Somehow I don't feel very attached to this baby, it sounds awful and I feel terrible about it. I don't want to be a bad mother, this baby deserves love and I don't understand why I feel so detached from him. I haven't told anybody for fear of what they will say. I just don't know what to do.

I want the baby, I just don't know what to do about how I am feeling, something is wrong with me because, I felt so attached to my first baby when I was pregnant. I feel like a terrible person, a terrible mother.

Answer 1

DON'T WORRY!

I didn't show til the same time. You will DEFINITELY feel the baby in the next 2 months.

Don't expect to be bonding already with the baby. That will happen in its own time...very slowly, and possibly not until after the baby is born.

I didn't really bond with my baby until she was born and about 6 weeks of age.

You won't be a bad mother. Supply all the love and food and comfort that the baby needs once he is born, and you will be happily surprised that moment when he looks to you when he is scared or in pain.

The first few months involve those 3 elements. Comfort, love and interaction, and FOOD. As long as he has those 3 things, the bonding will happen without trying.

Talk to you baby out loud while he is in the womb. Touch your stomach. They sense quite a bit.

It is good you are worried. If you are worried about what other mothers think, just remember that they all probably had that feeling...same as you!

Congratulations! You will do great!

Answer 2

Don't feel bad. It's totally understandable how you're feeling. With your first baby you felt so different because you had never been pregnant before, and it was your first baby, and everything focused on this new experience. This time around you're much busier with your older child, and it's not a novelty experience anymore, so it's fine that you "don't feel pregnant", or don't feel like you're already bonding with the new baby. I wouldn't worry about it. You're not a bad mom because of all this, and I bet you anything that once your have the new baby in your arms, you'll feel totally different.

If for some reason you still have feelings of detachment once the baby is born, then speak to your doctor to make sure you don't have Post-partum depression, which is very common (I have it), and is *not* something to be ashamed about.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Hi Hotgirl. I had three pregnancies. The first was fine except a hiccup when their was a chance that she might have downs. I had an amnio everything was ok and then went onto have a girl. With this pregnancy I read daily the pregnancy books about the baby's development and knew to the minute how long I'd been pregnant!

I lost my second pregnancy at eight weeks. With my third pregnancy I was like you, much more detached. This was through fear of losing this baby and also to do with the stress surrounding the amnio with my first. I really didn't have the time with the pregnancy that I did with the first to think about being pregnant, I was far too busy with child number one.

I also worried about loving this second child, how could I love this one as much as the child I already have? I went on to have a second girl. I coped better in the initial few months but I did go onto develop mild post-natal depression for a while. I thought she didn't like me which was totally unfounded. Once I got on top of the depression through the support of family and plenty of rest I started to bond with her. She is now an adorable 3 year old who I love as much as my first. My midwife told me when I was pregnant with my second child that you can tell which child women are on when they come for checks. With the first you are aware of every movement, development of the child and like me know to the day how far pregnant you are, with the second you turn up and are mentally about two weeks behind terms of dates and by the third you are about a month out!

I'm sure you will be able to love your new child and bond with him. You will cherish all the differences in their personalities....believe me you will notice it within days and will love him as much as your first. Please don't worry....you've done it before so of ocurse the excitement and anticipation is not the same. If you went somewhere on holiday a second time you would not expect to feel the same the second time as you did with the first trip; it is all familiar, you know what to expect and you don't need to research it as much. It's the same with your pregnancy.

If you do however find bonding difficult after the birth and find yourself continually tearful (past the baby blues phase) and feel you have to put on a front at being happy ans copping ask for help from your partner, family friends or midwife. I soldiered on, feeling guilty and ashamed and didn't realise I was ill and needed help.

Good luck....and enjoy your time with your first child before the other one comes! I'm sure you're a great mum and all will be fine!

Answer 4

Don't feel bad about it. I didn't look pregnant until month seven and even then, I wasn't big. The baby was healthy. I think when you first become a mommy, it's a lot different and you get attached more because it is a huge event in your life. With a second, you might not get attached until the baby is born because this isn't something quite as new to you.

Answer 5

Well, maybe you're just comparing the two pregnancies. First one is ridiculously exciting with showers and parties and everyone asking about the baby. Second one...feeling like a bit of a let down? I really don't know, I only have one child. I'm sure that once you see your baby, you will fall in love and become emotionally attached for life. Worry about not loving the child when you meet him, THEN it's a problem (post partum). Congrats on your soon to be son. Put on a fake smile till the real deal shows itself!

Answer 6

Firstly you are not a terrible Mother. your hormones are probably all over the place!
If you were a terrible mother you wouldn't care about how you are feeling. And you obviously do care.
Was this baby planned? If not sometimes that can make you feel detached for a while.

Cherish being pregnant and look forward to your baby's arrival. Children are so special. Do some relaxation with music when you are alone and talk to your unborn baby whilst stroking your bump. try do things that will make you acknowledge your pregnancy.

Answer 7

With my first child who will soon be 14 I felt preganant and had that "glow". My second child is now 9 months old and I never once felt pregnant, I felt fat! But my situation is Im sure different then yours. I wanted both my children but I was unable to bond with my son out of fear my pregnancy would end early just like my daughters would. Only time I felt pregnant was when he moved. What your feeling is normal dont let anyone tell you otherwise. My dr knew how I felt and he understood it. When my son was born and was healthy all my fears went away and I never imagined that I could love another child the way I did my daughter. If after your child is born and you do not connect w the baby please be checked for postpardum.

Answer 8

Don't beat yourself up over how you do or don't feel - give yourself a break. I desperately wanted my first 3 babies - all planned and wanted and revelled in my pregnancies. My fourth was a surprise ( a happy one now! ) but at the time I wasn't too thrilled about it - I didn't come to terms with it the whole of the nine months and didn't want to talk about it at all to anyone. The moment she was born, everything clicked into place and I loved her every bit as much as my older children. Don't feel guilty about how you feel, just try and relax and reassure yourself that it will all work out ok in the end.

Incidentally, I had teeny tiny bumps with my two daughters - several people who I saw every day hadn't realised I was pregnant until I showed up with a baby in a pram! I was huge with my two boys though. They were all big, healthy babies.

Your baby won't know how you're feeling now - please go easy on yourself and don't worry about it too much. All the very best of luck.

Answer 9

I felt this way with my second child and I just thought it was me and I was a horrible mother. From what I was told by my step mom (the woman had 5 children of her own) that this it totally normal. You will feel much different when the baby gets here. With the first one you are extremely excited because its your first time going through it. With the second one you know what to expect and as long as things are going fine, its kinda like been there done that and doing it again kinda thing. I too forgot I was pregnant until Ethan kicked or moved, although my coworkers reminded me a lot that I was pregnant. I think its normal and when the baby gets here you wont feel like this at all.

Good luck, dont worry your completely normal. Take care of yourself and enjoy the new arrival when he or she gets here. Like I said you will feel completely different when he or she gets here.

Answer 10

Just remember that your little baby in there is safe and healthy. I'm sure you can be a great mother to this child. Alot of mothers feel this way, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Pregnancy is a very difficult and emotional thing at times, people will understand and if they don't it is their problem to deal with, not your own. I hope everything goes well for you! Maybe you should talk to your doctor about this, I know it may be hard but they could end up helping you and giving you excellent advice. Good luck!