I wish i could talk to someone about this!?

Question

Hi there I am married for about 1 year now, im 23 and my husband is 34, anyway his mother lives with us unfortunately since he is the only son, he says it his obligation to care for his mother, and i understand that. the thing is that she is very annoying and i really hate her! she gets in the middle of our arguments, she is always in the living room watching tv and i cant even watch what i like. she lives for free and acts like she is the boss. when I met her she seemed like the nicest person on earth and believe me i really liked her but since we got amrried i saw the reality and it hurts me alot to know that she will always be living with us and im going to have to deal with her and see her everyday. I feel so depressed i dont even feel like eating or doing anything just from getting home from work and knowing that she is there gets me sick and depressed. the sad part is that I know he prefers his mother and will never understand me. I wish someone could understand me and how I feel

Answer 1

well talk 2 him about it and see wat he says or if u really loved him u would just deal with it

Answer 2

It's very unfortunate that you have to live this way. I understand he loves his mother and all, but there comes a point. You can either be miserable for the rest of your life and live this way. Or, you can try to make changes. He needs to know that you're the woman in his life now. I would suggest a home for the elderly for her. I wouldn't make it a huge deal ..that way trying to avoid conflict. I was always told...never marry a man that hates his mother, and never marry a man that loves his mother too much. I would think this is pretty self-explanatory especially in your case. I hope things work out for you and that it gets better. If not you could always try separate living arrangements for a while. GL

Answer 3

In the bible is says '' A man and woman shall leave there family and cleave to eachother as one, to become one flesh." And yes, He does have his abligation to his mother. He is her son. BUT! at the same time, this is you and you husbands home. Have you discussed this with your husband and your mother-in-law? I agree with 'mean carleen' about biulding on.Have her own place so she can feel a sense of independence.

Have you discussed how she likes it there? Maybe she is not that happy there either. Who knows, you might both be feeling the same way? And I disagree with the ulitimatume. you agreed to take him for better or for worse. this may be the worse!!And he should also take the responsabilty to you, when you argue does he tell his mother to but out, that the arguement is strictly between you and him!!She should know better than to entrude. That is none of her busiuness. And he should not allow that.

But remember that is his mother and he is trying to do the right thing by you and her. It might be really hard on him to see yall fight and bicker!! I think open and honest communcation is the best way. Maybe get a professional to help if it can't be discussed rationally.best of luck!!

Answer 4

The whole symbolism of marriage is that you leave your family, and start your own one with your spouse! What he's doing to you is completely unfair, and unnacceptable. Short of having YOUR mom come live with you and drive your husband insane, you need to deal with this now, or you will have a miserable marriage. Think about when you start having kids. Your M-I-L will try to raise the kids the way SHE wants to, and it will destroy who you are and your confidence! Marriage was not made for mother-in-laws. Maybe you could come to some sort of compromise where you get a house with a separate basement suite (SHE can pay the difference in price!), so that way your husband won't feel guilty, and you get your space. Do you have any couple friends that you can talk with? Maybe what needs to happen is an intervention so he can understand how deeply this is affecting you. No matter how you tell him, you are going to need support. Tha apron strings are sometimes carbon-fiber and you'll need a team to pry him away from this warped reality! You are an amazing woman to have put up with this for the first year of your marriage.

My husband is also an only-child but there's no obligation to "take care" of his mom. I love her to death as well, but there's not a chance that she would ever live under the same roof as us as long as she's capable of getting up, washing herself, and can function normally. Stick up for yourself! If your husband picks his mom over you, that's his problem and it's a decision he will regret his whole life. You sound like a wonderful woman who deserves better than this. I really feel for you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

Answer 5

leaving him is probably not an option for you which i can understand, you love your husband but then he is the one in the middle. he can't be a mamma's boy forever and you really need to go out for the weekend and give him an ultimatum. Let him know that you would feel more comfortable in your home without his mother being involved in your relationship. you married him, no her (although, in a sense you have but-) you didn't sign up to live with her. if he's obligated to help his mom he can, from a different place - like a trailer home (cheap). i just don't understand how this woman doesn't think that she's invading your privacy. Tell him that!

Answer 6

You and your husband need to sit down and talk about this. First off she is living under your roof and you are married to her son. You are his wife and you should come first in the relationship. Does your husband stick up for you and take your side? If he doesn't then try to talk to the mom. Have a family meeting. Let your husband and mother in law know how you feel in no uncertain terms. Don't argue with her just tell her calmly how you feel and changes you would like to make. As far as watching TV, you can always buy another and put it in your room for quiet alone time.

Answer 7

You married this guy and his mother. AND you said he prefers his mommy over you.
My opinion is is: Always remember YOU are the most important person in your life. You can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself 1st.You can't go on living this way.You'll wind up having a breakdown or worse.Now, your husband is 34. That would his mother young enough,unless she has a serious ailment,to take care of herself The longer this goes on, the more dependent on your husband. Tell you husband how you feel and he can't see your position,well you may just have to ride into the sunset.

Answer 8

How old is his mother? Is she an invalid? Why isn't she working. Just because he is 34 doesn't mean is mother is a dottering old woman. She's found an easy ticket! Mom's can play a real guilt card when they want to. She's playing it big time. There's quite a gap between you and your husband's ages. Ever wonder why he didn't get married till he was 33? Don't get me wrong, lots of reasons to not be married at that age...but I bet you this reason is now sitting on your couch! Get her out of your house and tell husband it's time for him to GROW UP!

Answer 9

Talk to your husband, if he wont understand and is truly a momma's boy then you will never get the attention you desire. Move on honey, you can make no one happy when you are unhappy with yourself. Sounds like your hubby is a 34 year old that for some reason still needs his mommy around to make everything OK. Im amazed anyone would find this attractive in anyone over the age of 8.

Answer 10

As hard as this may be, It's always best to tell the person you are fustrated with, how you feel. I'm sure you both have some things you need to get off your chest. So, one day after work, sit down on the couch with her and pour out your feelings and when you're finished, give her a chance to tell you how she's feeling. She will probably gain respect for you and this will make you two closer. Come up with some ideas on how you two can compromise and both be happy and while you are talking to her, address these ideas. Good luck with everything! I know how difficult people can be! I am going thru the same thing with my brother's girlfriend.

Answer 11

Wishing will not help your situation. And we here are unable to fix your problems. In fact, I'm not sure anyone can. Success in marriage is hard enough between a couple. When a MIL resides in the same home, it's impossible. If you've discussed this with your husband, and he doesnt understand, the problem will never go away. Seek professional assistance for a workable solution.