My friend is cheating on his wife. Should I tell her?

Question

Normally I would keep it a secret but she is my friend also. I am concerned that the various (young / promiscuous) women that he is involved with could have STD's and he would pass them on to his wife. I know that he is doing this because he is over 50 and the girls are young. He is getting a rush but I am concerned.

He is not a bad guy. Just met a few girls on the internet. Since he is getting away with it, he probably addicted to the rush. His wife is now very overwieght and he is in shape. I would not care if the affairs were with women that were more mature and responsible..but his choices are just plain stupid.

I don't want him to go through a divorse beacuse this is a phase.

Answer 1

I think you need to be having a word in his ear and telling him if it doesn't stop now, you will tell his wife. Make sure you carry out the threat!

Answer 2

Some how, get the message to her. It's not so much the affairs he having that concern me, but like you, I'm worried about the STD's he could be bringing home. I know of a situation like this. It happened many years ago to someone I dearly love. I was very young at the time and didn't know about any of it till I was a grown woman. Were it in my power, she would have been told. It's her right to protect her self from what he could possibly be bringing home.

Answer 3

You have a responsibility to tell the wife. Her health is at risk definately and she deserves to know. It will then be up to her weather she stays or leaves. I am sure she may have some idea that something is not right anyways. Tell her. Don't try to rationalize why he is doing what he is doing. What does being 50 have to do with anything? Guys cheat at 15. He should not be cheating. Period.

Answer 4

My best advice, would be to stay out of it. Although you are all friends, its none of your business. What I would do is talk to your friend, he needs to know that what he is doing is wrong and if nothing else he needs to know that what he is doing is dangerous. Not only could he hurt his wife emotionally but he could also pass on an std! I know you are in a tough situation, but remember, sometimes they kill the messenger. You don't' want to start problems and lose both friendships.

Good luck.

Answer 5

A real friend will tell them when they are in danger or if something could happen to them as far as safety. Even though he is your friend would you want him to be banging your wife cause he sounds like the type that would, I would tell her and let him know that he is wrong for what he is doing to her and even if you end up loosing the friendship you still got a friend in her.

Answer 6

It's very hard to be caught in the middle of two friends and you know a secret about one of them.If you don't want to come off looking like the bad guy,find a way for her to find out on her own.You obviously know who he is messing around with and where he hangs out She needs to know specially if she may run the risk of getting some kind of std.And if you feel the need to tell her then make sure you have proof that is secure so that she doesn't think your making it up.Take pictures or take her to where he will be with these woman.Woman need to see physical proof most of the time to believe that their mate is cheating on them,because they don't want to believe it just by someone telling them.When they have concrete proof,they have no choice but to see the truth. I hate people that find the need to cheat on their mate,if it was my friend I would find a way to let them know,because I would want to know.Most likely he will try and talk his way out of it and tell her it was a one time thing,because that's what most of them say.And if she's willing to forgive him and stay with him,he probably won't want you around for trying to cause problems for him in his marriage. So that's why I caution you in how to handle it,it's better to lose one friend than two. Good luck

Answer 7

I don't get it. She's your friend too, and his betrayal and sleeping around with women outside his marriage is OK because he's in shape and she's not, and it wouldn't bother you one bit if he were doing more mature women....but that the only issue you really have here is that he might give her a disease? I guess you have to draw the line somewhere, who knows, she might not care either.... I agree with the other answerer who said decide who's friendship you value more and act accordingly.

Answer 8

First it doesnt make a difference if his wife is overweight/underweight or flat out a *****- cheating on someone is still cheating. I think you should tell her if you cant do it face to face- or dont want them to know who informed on him- write an unsigned letter or better yet make up a yahoo account- send her a email to tell her whats going on.

Answer 9

i guess i would talk with your buddy 1st tell him what u think of his choices in women, tell him that u feel for him since his wife is heavy but also relate to him that she loves him and he is hurting her and maybe himself by being with these loose women. if he continues his behavior tell him that someone told u that they were gonna tell her and see if that cleans him up, if not u will have to tell her, she is your friend to, and if she finds out that u knew all along she will be more upset with you than with him

Answer 10

Not if you want to remain friends.
I would probably approach him first. Let him know that if he doesnt straighten up, you wont have anything to do with him, AND you will tell his wife what you know.
Hopefully that will either wake him up. Good Luck!

Answer 11

Yes! Tell her as soon as you can. If your husband was cheating on you and your friend new about it, would you want them to tell you or just keep it a secret? Cheating is wrong and it causes a lot of damage in more ways than one.