so hurt and so confused?

Question

My wife fell out of love with me when I gave her everything I even talked to her mom and she said she is just a loner and she is worried for her. She has hurt me a lot mentally, how can I still love someone so much when she has beat me down mentally I don’t understand it. I know I don’t want her back because of the evil things she has done but this love I have in my heart for her is killing me right now and I just wish I were heartless. I never new one woman could be so mentally destructive on me. Sometimes I feel as if I am losing my mind, I think she is bi polar but would never get help, what is it going to take for this pain to go away.

Answer 1

First of all there is no such thing as "falling out of love" Love takes commitment. Love is an action also, not just an emotion.
God commands us to "Love one another" You can't command someone to FEEL a certain way. You can only EXPECT them to control their actions.
So, sometimes we have to ACT in a loving why when we don't feel Loving. It is an unselfish act. This is not some knew secret.
Why do you think the marriage vows say I promise to love "in sickness & in health.. for BETTER or for worse"? We knew this secret long ago. That's what COMMITMENT means... It means loving someone even when everything is NOT hunky Dory.
I am sorry that your wife stopped showing you love. The hardest thing is when someoe doesn't show love back. It REALLY hurts when someone makes a commitment and doesn't keep it. BUT we live in a world of BREAKING commitments to one another.

We have become an irresponsible, and selfish generation, and we do not teach our children honesty and integrity. Instead we "file for bancrupcy if we are in debt" We "divorce or spouse" if WE are not happy. We put our children in foster homes if we don't feel like taking care of them Get the picture. COMMITMENT is lacking.

Answer 2

Sorry to hear your so hurt and confused. No one has the right to be mentally abusing you or anyone else. The moment she fell out of love with you, you should of ended it. Why would you let her treat you badly at all? You need to have pride in yourself and stop taking such abuse. Your ex deserves to be alone! You will get over her in time. There are many beautiful women out there that would give you their devoted true love and respect 24\7. My son was with a person like this and it almost caused him to have a nervous break down. He has now realized how peaceful life can be and what it is too not live in complete turmoil everyday. People that cause stress and unhappiness comes within their selves and them not knowing they are sick in their mind. Some individuals aren't happy unless they are destroying someone Else's life. Life is too short so do yourself a favour and block her out for good. Get yourself some counselling to get rid of the damage she once caused. After this your life will be back on track to a great life. Be happy and remember, your number 1. Hope you take my advice! Cocoa

Answer 3

That is rough. You need to sit down and talk with your wife before coming to conclusions. Although it probably is something as she has been keeping it a secret from you. That is very hard. You need to try and work through this, if not just for your new daughter. Talk to your wife, go to therapy and try to make it work if you can. If not you need to part ways. You cannot live your life living a lie. Its not a yes or no answers, there are many grey areas. Just give it a running chance and do what you can. If it ends up not working it doesn't work, but at least know you have tried. Good luck.

Answer 4

Time--and I know that is no comfort now. But you will heal. Have you thought about getting a counselor? I think that you need to talk to someone. There has to be a reason for your dependancy on the feeling from an abusive relationship. Time will heal the hurt, you need to heal your heart, so you don't fall into the trap of an abusive relationship again. Find things to occupy your time, get a new hobby, join a singles group, find SOMETHING that will take your mind from your hurt. Talk to friends, family, a pastor, a counselor someone. You need to find a positive support system, and find it fast!!

Answer 5

Its that time big guy.
You know the time you have been avoiding where you go find where she hid your balls and backbone and have them reinstalled.
Yea, I know it hurts but really you are so focused on the hurt you cannot see daylight.
Dude, do yourself a favor, buck up and start to work on a plan because you are coming off as a bit sheepish here.
Figure out what is going to happen in the next day week month and put it in motion.
If you cannot change her or her behavior you need to change yours.
To continue to act like a whimpering puppy only reinforces her
decision to detest you.
Stop this, get angry, get over this I'm hurt crap.
Move on.

PLEASE change your user name. You need to get out of this martyr mode or you will sink deeper and deeper into abyss.

Remember, the mental abuse you speak of is only possible if you allow it. You allowed it you can stop it. Man Up.

Answer 6

The only antidote for your kind of pain is time. Get involved in something you are passionate about, it will at least help the days slip by a little easier. I have been down the road you are on, I don't envy you, but you can survive it. It's been over twenty years, I still have a very soft spot for my ex. My best freind discribed us as each being the most wonderful people in the world, but we are like oil and water together.

Answer 7

If you made your whole life about pleasing somebody else, you turned yourself into a doormat, and people just wipe their feet on those ..., and they are easily replaced.

A healthy relationship should have some emotional give and take, and neither partner should be totally dependent on the emotional support of their partner. This just sounds like you had a taker, and your response in trying to getting your own emotional needs met was to give more, and that's a recipe for making your whole life about somebody else, getting dumped, and then winding up wondering who the heck you are. You're probably just disoriented right now. It's going to take some time to reorient yourself and for your life to fall into a groove where you have a sense of direction.

You're going to be OK, and your self-confidence is going to return when you start being you again.

Answer 8

Time is the only thing that will help. Unfortunately you can not turn true love off like it was a water faucet. We have all been there and you will survive this. I only ask that you not blame the next woman or treat her as if she was this last fool you were with. We're not all bad. I wish you luck and I hope you never take her back.

Answer 9

I think counselling would be a great idea cause you need to look at YOUR part in this.......you could use this as a good learning curve, you have just seen some of the things you dont want in a relationship......If you go to counselling you will become aware of warning signs if you end up being attracted to a simular women, you may also learn about what it was about her you were drawn to.....there is much to learn take a risk & explore you, i think your worth investing in, DONT YOU????

Answer 10

I went through the EXACT same thing, man! It takes time and letting yourself love someone else who loves you back!!! I'm not saying to find a "replacement" for your ex, but that the kind of love you had for her can and will be returned to you when you find the right person. You have to be your own best friend right now and keep reminding yourself that your ex doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you. Your strength will grow and you'll realize that you're better off. THEN you will be ready to give all that love you're capable of to someone deserving!