how do i go about confronting my ex she is drinking and partying all the time.?

Question

we have been seperated for a month now.took kids out thurs night came back at 8.30 to find her drunk.
last saturday she was ill due to drink and does not remember getting home.she tells me all this, why i don't know.maybe to make me jealous?
kids are not being taken to nursery and being consistantly late for school.
she says things to me then a week later says she didn't
but i can't let this go on any more the kids are starting to suffer.
she left me and went into rented accommodation while the house was sold to pay debts that she mostly caused.
going to confront her tonight when the kids are at grandparents.
kids are 4, 6 and her older daughter is 14 and keeps missing school also.
i'm staying at my parents until money is divided from the house then i'll be buying my own place to hopefully have the kids living with me

the kids are at her mothers on a friday when she is at her worse.i have them sat/sun which is just as well cause when i picked them up earlier she had left the car at her friends and had been up all night and wasn't fit to drive, this is at 3.00pm
i have been told not to speak to her mother as i'm turning her against my ex.
she also tells me that her mother thinks i am off my head after i shouted and swore at my ex after she didn't come home at night which started the break up so i don't know her feelings about things if she even knows
so i don't want to go through her

the older daughter is not mine although a brought her up from age 5.she has no contact with her biological dad.
things got bad when i found out she was upto no good on msn.i was the one trying to keep her under control and she ended up hating me.that relationship is destroyed as well.

Answer 1

You really need to tread lightly on this one.
You will be wasting your breath trying to reason with her.
Your only option is to go get your kids out of there and do not let them see her until she cleans up her act.
If the 14 year old will not come along you will have to leave her there and report her truancy's when they occur.

Get the house sold get into a new place keep your kids and let her drift into her alcoholic haze.
You are wasting your time talking to her.
Get your kids out and hope that there will be a day that she drys out and comes to her senses.

This woman is adrift with no direction. Sadly you are probably being blamed. Take the high road. Your kids will know who the sane one is.
Good Luck

Answer 2

If she is an alcoholic, she will have to hit her rock bottom all on her own, before ever considering asking others for help - so telling her that she might have a problem with alcohol will avail you of nothing, and instead only make her defensive.

All you can do at the moment is to think very carefully about what are you prepared to do about the less than perfect circumstances your children are living in, reach an informed decision about it, then do everything you possibly can to follow it though.

And it is a big decision, as being a sole parent isn't all fun and games. If you are willing to assume that position, then start as you mean to go on, and tell your ex in no uncertain terms - and in a calm manner! - that she is risking loosing her children if she continues like she is now.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

Your right the kids are suffering, and if she can;t see that then she needs to get herself some help.You need to address this problem and tell her you will take custody of the children and she needs to put herself in rehab or go to AA. Someone might report her to child services and she could lose her kids,and that would be awful for the children.I suggest you find away in talking her into getting some help,sometimes threatening someone is the only way to make them do what they need to do.You need to make sure the children are tooken care,because they are the ones that are suffering right now.The school will probably make an issue of why they are missing so much,if they haven't already.I hope my suggestions help.You are a good dad,tell her to get her act together,but in the mean time make sure the children know that they are loved and that you are there for them .That's important,I grew up in a similar situation,my mom drank alot,and you feel lost and not cared for.So do what you need to do for the kids.Good luck

Answer 4

If she is getting drunk when the kids are in someone elses care there is really nothing you can do. If she is drinking all the time around them you need to get custody now.
I can tell you that if she is drinking around the kids, you know it and AND you let this go on till it is more convenient for you to apply for custody you are going to held by family court and DSS as accountable as your ex! They dont care that you dont have a place now - you will be seen as unfit for not taking action in a timely matter. Also if she is going this around the older child (since it doesnt seem she has anyone to visit) and DSS/court finds out you knew and didnt do anything because it wasnt effecting your kids that will count against you as well.

Answer 5

Your X is spinning out of control. Your first priority is the children. They deserve to be in a healthy safe enviornment. Its not good for them to be subjected to this abuse. I think your plan is a good one. These kids need to be with you. At least for now, until she gets her life straight. You are doing the right thing. If you don't intervein rght away , too much damage will be done. Expecially for the 14yr old. She is watching her mom very closely, and now she is starting to slide the wrong way too. She needs structure, boundries, and a good role model. You said Her daughter, so I am assuming fom another marriage. You may have your hands tied there, depending on how this young lady feels about you. Do your best for all the children, its all you can do.

Answer 6

Tell her straight - you are concerned for the welfare of the children and that you will file for custody and even approach DSS if you doubt her ability to keep it together and be responsible for the children.

You would have to organise your own life around having the children if you were to go ahead, organise child minders, school runs etc.

Just say you are concerned for her and the children and perhaps she needs to get some help regarding her drink problem.

Who looks after the children when she parties? Can you play more of a role in their lives?

Good Luck

Answer 7

Document everything, report her to social services, contact the school to back up what you say about the childrens failure to attend. Get a court order to have the kids living with you ASAP. Don't wait for down the line, you have to prove to the courts now that you have your childrens best interests in mind. Remember for a man to have a residence order he has to prove the mother is unfit. Make sure you can do this for the sake of your children.
Do not confornt her without a witness, if things get out of hand she can accuse you of domestic violence.

Answer 8

You may not have the proper accommodations NOW but you MUST get your kids away from this woman NOW!! Can't the kids stay with you at your parents? Their lives may depend on it. This woman is blacking out...you can not, and should not leave your kids with her AT ALL!!! Get a full custody of your kids forever or until the ex gets the help she needs.

Answer 9

certain i'd basically say it in a fashion it is open and responsive and probably say basically needed u to attraction to close i do not prefer to over step my mark the following yet.......................... this isn't tattle telling in any respect what occurs if u sister in regulation receives heavily harm or killed u will stay with that be apologetic about for some thing else of ur existence and likewise childrens brains do not mature till they r of their early 20's and so over binging ingesting heavily isn't solid for them as they are already immature in decision making yet ingesting alcohol lowers their inhibitions and they r some distance more beneficial in all probability to take negative aspects also as their bodies r no longer mature very heavy binge ingesting can do harm to kidney and liver and kill mind cells so certain i'd attitude him so he's accepted with he perhaps he would no longer be it is so unhappy at the same time as ppl of any age ought to drink to have relaxing quite than have relaxing and characteristic a drink desire it fairly works out for u basically attitude him brazenly so ppl would get protective and wont prefer to take heed to yet when ur were given an effective r/deliver with ur FIL it will be ok!!

Answer 10

Okay, well this coming from you is not going to go well, so maybe talking to her parents first and asking them to say something? if you really wanna have the kids with you and you really truely think they are better off with you, then keep a journel of her behaviour to produce in court, you aill need all the help you can get to take children off their mother, and it is unlikely to happen unless you get her to agree to it too, or at least joint custody.