Should I go to Amsterdam for the weekend with the girls? or should I respect my husbands wishes and back down?

Question

Its a fortith birthday and we're all married. Hes stays at mates places when he goes away although admittedly only one nighters so far... Will I regret letting him have the final say? or should I go and prove I can be trusted?

Answer 1

Oh honey you are talking to me directly! I have a weekend getaway to Mohegan Sun planned in a month with all the girls. We are all married, too. My hubby hunts, golfs, snowmobiles so all year long every time I turn around he's going for a weekend or a week at a time. This is the only trip I take every year and its only a weekend. But he starts months ahead of time complaining about how he's gonna have to deal with the kids and cook his own meals. Then when that doesn't get me to change my plans he starts saying how the only women who go to places like that alone are those looking to pick up guys! My hubby resorts to any thing he can think of to make me change my plans. I used to let him get to me and back out at the last minute. All that did was leave my friends paying more for the trip and angry at me that I couldn't stand up for myself with my hubby. This is my third year going. Hubby still says all the stuff he thinks will work to change my mind. But I go anyway. I have a massage and sit in the sauna and i don't have to answer any phones or carpool any kids or make any meals. Its just the girls talking girl talk and when I get home---this is the best part---I have something more to contribute to my relationship--ME REJUVENATED!!!!

I say GO GO GO. Especially since its a 40th birthday party.

Explain to hubby that he goes places for overnight stays and that this is really important for you to be there for your friend as she celebrates her birthday.

You will most definitely regret it if you allow him to call the shots. And it will be just the start of his dominance over you in every other aspect of your life.

Marraige is a partnership amongst two equal human beings. You do not have to prove that you can be trusted to your husband unless you've done something in the past to prove that you cannot be trusted.

GO GO GO GO GO

Answer 2

Fair is fair. You only need to ask yourself if the roles were reversed how would you feel? You can offer that he should go on a similar trip with his friends and see if he likes that idea. In the end you can do what you want and it's his problem to deal with it. It's not a great way to treat your spouse but therapist love to throw that line out all the time.
Then again I guess you have to trust your spouse while your gone. No telling what mischief he'll get into. I'm sure you've thought about that too. He may resent you going so much that he'll do something I'm sure you wouldn't approve of. (Lol, alternating nights of poker, and strip clubs.)
I really hate the idea of one spouse going out on their own. If it becomes a habit I think it erodes the marriage. If your spouse didn't care then I would say, "go have fun", but if he gives in he may end up holding a grudge. It's a tough call. I really don't think your husbands trying to control you. That label is a cliche and people use it as an excuse to justify everything they want to do. Your spouse is your mate. One of the few pieces of advice my therapist ever gave that I thought was worth anything was that decisions like this should be "Win-win or no deal" That means everyone gets something good out of it.
Of course my wife subscribes to the "Hooray for me and to Hell with you" saying. That's why we are getting divorced.

Answer 3

Depends on what he is worried about ,have you kids and he has to mind them on his own if you do can't he look forward to having them and maybe taking them out for a fun day, is he worried about you being in a foreign country or is basically jealousy.
I'd point out that you never get away for weekends with out him and just because you are married you didn't realise that ment be tied to him all the time ,may be suggest why doesn't he plan a weekend away with some of his mates.
It looks like the two of you have to talk ,i've been away on few weekends without hubby and he can be stupid about it but end of the day he asks if i had a good time and i bring him something back.

Answer 4

This is a difficult one & something that has happened to myself.

On one hand u want to go - he does not own u & u deserve to go where u want.
But on the other hand, u don't want to cause unnecessary friction within your marriage.

My advice would be to go if it's a one off.

I decided that I would go on a girly weekend to Blackpool much to the madness of my husband.
I said to him that its not like I am wanting to go places without him all the time, it was just a one off.
I also felt that I shouldnt have the need to 'ask' him. I am a grown woman & nobody owns me.

I think that after saying that & actually going, he sort of respected me for standing up for myself.

I wouldn't stop him going anywhere. Sometimes u just need some time with your friends, without your hubby being there.

Good luck in whatever u decide to do xx

Answer 5

I think he would to have a valid reason for me not to go

Being jealous is not enough

If you could not afford it or you have something else on that weekend then fair enough.....

But him being insecure is his problem not yours, say he can lay down any ways that can make him feel better like telephoning him morning noon and night etc.........but he needs to get over this he is not being fair it does you good to get away and just laugh all weekend and just think of only you

Have fun Amsterdam is great x

Answer 6

If such minor, unimportant, little issues, difficulty you plenty, then i'd hate see what happens, while there's a severe difficulty happening! existence is purely too short to concentration on such little subject concerns.purely considering you're married to somebody, does not advise which you would be able to or ought to attempt to regulate them, that's exactly what you're doing! It sounds to me such as you're an extremely offended, egocentric, controlling, and you're alway's nagging him! that would tension me insane, and that i does not placed up with it! There are alway's 2 facets to a narrative. i'd relatively decide to pay attention what checklist, he would prepare approximately issues you do, that tension him loopy. in case you like your marriage to final, then you definately ought to renounce being so judgemental, controlling and annoying. Sorry, yet while i grow to be him, i does not placed up with you anymore, and that i'd bypass away you! In a marriage, you need to have communique and appreciate, or you haven't any longer any marriage!

Answer 7

You shouldnt let anyone tell you what to do, not even your husband! Your are your own person, married or not!
You shouldnt miss this opportunity just because he doesnt like it...would you stop him from going? If you would then thats silly and im not suprised hes trying to and if you wouldnt, theres no question...
DO IT, youll have a great time...

Answer 8

Go! Why should he be allowed to stay out overnight if you aren't? Make sure you are in control of what you do and try to reassure him that you can be trusted. Use the opportunity to make him realise that you are to be trusted. If he is still telling you not to go, then ignore him. It's your life, and you might regret it if you don't go.

Answer 9

Did you get married for you, or for him?

When people break up or divorce, it's nearly always because "I'm not happy". It's hardly ever because "he's not happy".

Your responsibilities and loyalty lie with your husband, not yourself.

Now, whether he should be going on trips without you is a different problem, something you didn't address in your original post.

Answer 10

If you always want him to dictate what you can and cannot do. Back down.

If you want to go - just say I would really like to go and it would be great if he showed a positive to your own wish to a weekend break with the girls, but go any way even if he doesn't approve and even consider getting laid by some one new, you can always say its a wind up should one of the other girls mention they saw you.