Lately he just watches TV or says he wants to be alone...what is wrong?

Question

Valentine's Day we sat at the restaurant and he said I need time to relax..."I don't want to talk"...then he disappears at the gas station to buy cigarettes for 45 minutes. He says he has a headache...that he wants to be alone...Doesn't touch me...the problem: we just got married in October...what is the deal? Is it over...I don't have a husband...I just seem to have a man in the house.

Answer 1

Wow, sounds like you are describing what my husband and I went through about 5 years ago. It sounds like he's depressed - he was probably on a "high" with your new relationship, new marriage so the signs weren't there, but now that things have settled down into a routine his depression is back. Talk to him about it - I have included a couple of web sites for you to check out before you talk to him - see if you think he's dealing with depression.
My husband and I started having pretty serious marriage problems - I felt very alone, I used to tell him "I didn't get married to spend my life alone" - he was very withdrawn and unresponsive, we'd never talk - this went on for 3 years - I almost divorced him - it was very frustrating because he had no explanation for why he was being so neglectful, and yet nothing changed. We finally went to a therapist and she figured out right away that my husband was dealing with depression and also has an anxiety disorder. We saw the Psychiatrist, tried several different depression meds until we found that effexor xr worked best for him - he's a different man, I got my husband back!! Just remember, if it is depression, he's not doing it on purpose - the way he's acting is nothing personal against you - he can't help it - it's a chemical imbalance.

http://www.med.nyu.edu/psych/screens/depres.html
http://health.yahoo.com/ency/healthwise/hw30709

Answer 2

That's hard. You know every relationship has it's 'ups and downs. And you aren't both going to be in the mood every time. It's probably a good idea to drop it while his daughter is there, let him enjoy his time with her and you together. (it's possible that was what was distracting him) If the TV is a common distractor for your relationship, then the TV isn't really the problem, it's just the tool being used. Try to figure out what the problem is, and if it helps get the topic on the table.. have the cable turned off for a week :P You sound like you love him and want to work on the relationship - and that is a great place to be at! It'll work out - don't sell yourself short.

Answer 3

Sounds like an acute case of stress. When he watches TV, watch it with him and ask him what he thought about something in the show. This is to see if he is actually watching, or he's daydreaming and the TV is his distraction. You are going to have to set him down and have a heart to heart talk with him, explaining how much you love him and that you are there for him in bad times and in good. You may also have to see a marriage counselor, but that may not be needed if he will open up and talk to you. It might do him good to just see a MD and talk with them for something for stress. I was stress out a few months back with several things that were just too much for the average person to handle. I also always had a headache, felt bad, was tired, didn't want to talk to anyone because no one feels the pain you feel or really understands, and I didn't want my husband to bother me. I finally went to my family doctor and told her how I was feeling, and I told her why. She prescribed a mild medication that takes the edge off, and in no time I was back to being me again. I still have the same stress and problems, but I can deal with things much easier. Good luck!

Answer 4

Please ...you need to take a good look at what is going on around you. You know your man better than anyone and if the situation drove you to come on here and ask for help then there is obviously a problem. What is the problem? Its only one of two things and you will know by following these simple directions: Next time you two are alone at home, ask him if there is anything that he wants to talk about. Tell him that you feel a little "weird" about things between you two and you want to fix things before it gets worse. If he gets defensive and starts to rant and rave , he is cheating. Plain and simple. If you come to someone calmly and they burst on you they are busted and dont know how to act.If he is truly depressed he will want to talk and will feel open when you approach him so calmly and concerened.
Honey..I am in the adult industry and I deal with cheating husbands on a daily basis. Your best bet is to find out what is going on now before you end up ina mess. You are newlyweds and it does not seem that he is in any way as commited as you are. 45 minutes for cigs? Come on sweetie... I dont know what your nationality is ..but put on your ghetto cape and demand to know whats up? Sorry to be so harsh but women need to wake up and stop letting these men run them down. You know in your heart whats going on.

Answer 5

It could be over, but he could be suffering from depression. After the hoopla of the wedding, the holidays, etc this time can be a big let down.

If he won't work with you to find out what the problem is you'll have some decisions to make. He may just be going through a down period of having all he looked forward to behind him and no new excitement to kick start his emotions.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Wow. I feel for you. He could be sufffering a depression or other form of mental illness. He could be cheating.
In any case, don't accept this treatment. Ask if he has any interest in working on the marriage. If he says yes, start with a complete physical. There could be some medical problem too that is driving his isolated attitude. If not, the doctor can make referrals for counseling.
Good luck. Don't allowy yourself to be mistreated. Life is too short.

Answer 7

I am so sorry to hear that. I know how hard it is to be in a relationship and still feel lonely and unwanted.
I am not trying to fill your head with ideas or jump to conclusions, but the disappearing for 45 min. and wanting to be alone, could be an affair, even possibly over the internet or phone. I hope that it is not. Have you talked to him about this? I mean he did marry you, you deserve to at least understand his behavior.
I think people need to work on their marriage, I really hope you work on it and it all works out.

Answer 8

Sounds like he is freaking out about being married. It's really really common, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I was lucky. My wife was very understanding when I freaked out. She assured me that we could talk about anything and deal with anything (even if it meant divorse). It took a while for me to get completely better. A ten day meditation retreat was what really helped me deal with the fears and anxieties I carried around inside me...and then I could voice them to her.

In our case, we had a deal when we got married that we would talk every Sunday about ANYTHING that bugged us. So that helped too.

Now, we've been married 18 months and I couldn't be happier.

So my advice is that you tell him that freaking out about being married is normal. It's normal for him to be upset and want to be alone and assure him that everything will be all right. Then figure out a way that you and he can talk about whats upsetting him. It might upset you too. (In my case, I found I wasn't attracted to my wife anymore and was attracted to someone else) We talked about every feeling that came up. It was tough work,but sharing the feelings made things better. And now, my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

maybe the commitment factor is hitting him all at once right now.. before you got married, and right after he may never have had the chance to let it all sink in and now that you are both finally married and have been so for a few months its all starting to hit him.. and could possibly be scaring the crap out of him.. he could possibly just be feeling things out.. i'm sure you've told him that this is how you've felt.. you both need to talk, not to other people, but to eachother.. you both deserve that much.. dont let him change the subject, shrug you off, or procrastinate the converstaion, it needs to be talked out. its not ok for you to worry like this after you JUST got married.. you are supposed to be making eachother happy.. and him being a coach potatoe while you progressively start to panic is obviously not ok either.. goodluckkk<33

Answer 10

you may not want to hear this, but i been there done that.. if he is acting this way then i suspect you will find another woman attached to his problem...he is thinking of her wishing to be with her instead of with you, he is wondering how to tell you or get away with it without you ever knowing.. keep an eye out on him for a while like how he takes calls( in front of you or leaves to another room). starts fixing up when he goes to work or leaves home.( dressing different or wearing more Cologne).check the bank account to see how much money is being spent ( more than usual). i hope i am wrong good luck..