My ex. wants to see his daughter???

Question

My ex. hubby who i met while in college at a club where he was an ultimate fighter.I fell head over feel and eloped with him after 3 months.Problems were numerous to say the least he had never graduated from highschool and he was participating in illegal fights to make ends meet.My parents continued to pay for my college tuition but cut off all ties with me and when i graduated college i was 3 months pregnant.After i gave birth to my daughter he became violent and in a fight with me over money broke my jaw.I divorced him and we have not spoken since.Know he wants to see his daught and showed up on my front pourch!?To be honest i am afraid of him and i have full custody of my daughter but he wants visitation rights?

My daughter is 3 yrs old now and does not even remeber him.I dont even know if i can trust him even if he says he has changed.

He has only ever made one payement and that was this month.

Answer 1

DONT...SORRY! BUT SHE COMES FIRST NOW

Answer 2

Since this man has a history of violence, and apparantly, an uncontrolled temper, you could argue a good case against him being allowed unsupervised access to the child. There's no telling what these "Ultimate Fighters" put illegally into their systems to boost their muscle strength, and of course it's known that these substances can make users very aggressive and ill-tempered. But even if he is not using any such substance he obviously is still a potential threat based on his past behaviour. I am betting that this was a big factor in the court granting you full custody of your child, and you should be able to apply back to that same court to ask for an order of protection, and restraining this man from having access to your daughter. The advice of a lawyer might be a few dollars well spent. You would not necessarily need his full services - just a little of his time advising you how best to present yourself in applying for this protection.

Answer 3

Unless you can fully trust that he will not harm you, he certainly can not have a chance to see his daughter. The risk is too high. especially if he has ill feelings towards you still. Has he been to any anger management classes, or therapy for his problems? I would seek a restraining order against him. How do you know this man won't hurt you again? If you don't give him what he wants he may become violent. He already knows he can intimidate you, he is a bully because of his former job and probably the way he looks too. He has anger issues, and should have never hit you. One blow from this man could kill. Protect your daughter from him at all cost. Tell him you want to see proof of his seeking help. then mabe you will consider visitation where he is not alone with his daughter, but with someone else with them. Too bad if this upsets him. Your daughters welfare is most important. If he proves to be a better man in the months to come, then you might agree to a different arrangement. Be very careful

Answer 4

Well first off I know from experience what it is like to be hit by a man. It makes you feel worthless and you were very smart to leave him. With that being said you still have an obligation to your child to let her make the decision of whether or not she wants her father in her life. Understand that most men who hit their women would never lay a hand on their own child...then again there are those who do. You say you are afraid of him...why? Do you honestly think he will hurt your daughter or do you still have emotions from the past. You have moved on in life but you must forgive him for what he did in order to get complete closure on that situation. It is easier said then done but its what you have to do. How does your daughter feel about it? All girls should have their fathers in their lives.Are you in a new relationship? If so , you have to consider his feelings , if he is your childs father figure. Is the ex stable in his life now? How has his life been going simce the two of you broke up? Did he change for better or worse? We all make mistakes and while I am not justifying what he did...Have you ever done something you wish you could take back? Feel me? There is alot to consider but to just up and say No because of your personal feelings would be very selfish and unfair to your daughter. At the same time trust your first mind and seek legal counsel if he decides to want regular visits and long stays, etc. Good luck...

Answer 5

Before allowing him access, speak with an attorney about the possible ramifications of your actions. He's been gone for 3 years. The courts will not look upon that with favor for him.

I'm a believer that every child has the right to a relationship with both parents. However, if one parent is violent and may cause harm to the child...I think it's better to err on the side of caution. You have the legal power in your hands right now...don't give any of that up unless you have to .

BTW - how nice do you think he's going to be toward you and your DD when he finds out that visitation comes with the attachment of his wages for back child support?

Answer 6

Put a restraining order on him on behalf of you and your daughter and if you are afraid of this man if he persists to harass you and tell him nicely that he will have to go to court and file for parental rights then tell your attorney if it goes to court and it will, that you want him to go through a program where he can visit his child with SUPERVISION, it is called a SAFE program. There he will see the child supervised every two weeks ect..Then after he completes this program, it may last about 3-4 months, the SAFE program gives the judge a report of how he did while on it. They observe every move he makes with child and are strict about it too!! Then a Judge may more then likely give him supervision with a trusted grandparent present for a while till this guy is proved to be SANE and not VIOLANT..remember after all his is the legal parent and make sure it is proven in court first that he is the legal parent first. Just because he was violant with you does not mean he will be violant with his child. He has rights too!! After all this he will get to pay child support and by then will learn violence does not pay and may get a brain in his head regarding treatment of women..it will cost him though.. Pray for God to help you, He will !!

Answer 7

Well, you know him best. If you feel that him seeing or spending time with his daughter, will make him violent towards here too, then dont even bother with that aspect, dont let him see her. Also, you have full custody of her for a reason, techniqually he cant get you in trouble legally of course, however, if he wanted to see her or spend time with her, you would have to consent it.
Who knows how this guy is going to treat his daughter, maybe good, maybe not so good...but usually men with issues like violence, it comes back to haunt them and the people they love, so i would always be careful. If you absolultly insist on giving him a chance with your daughter, then tell him that all 3 of you can go out to a PUBLIC resturaunt and talk. He does NOT need her alone, especially when he broke your jaw in the past, if your daughter angered him for any reason, you dont want him to smack her. (also it would help your daughter alot, since shes so young and doesnt remember him) However, all 3 of you going together in a PUBLIC resturautn, puts more pressure on him. he could see his daughter, and yet it is in the public eye, so its always safer, if God forbid, something were to ever happen.

I hope my advice helps you somewhat. In my opinion, you need to evaluate him. Maybe encourage him to go see help, and if he is serious about it, then maybe he can start to have visitation rights...but never the less, he DOES have BIG problem, so becareful and goodluck.

Answer 8

Sounds like you did just what half the women in the world do. You fell for a guy as he was, then decided that he should change when the novelty or coolness wore off, right? Why? Why do you women always think that a man is something you have a right to change or demand of anyway? You take a person as they are or you dont take them. That simple.

Let him see his kid lady. You dont have to chat with him or even be next to him.

Lastly, even if no one agrees, your divorce was not ethical or biblical. And that one isnt up for debate or consensus. No, his hitting you wasnt ethical or moral either, but still not grounds for divorce, no matter how many scream otherwise.

Answer 9

Go to the courts and get full custody. If he has violent tendencies, make the court aware of this so if he is granted visitation, they will or should be supervised by the courts. Make sure everything is in a legal document signed by you.

Answer 10

My first question would be - does he pay child support? I think responsible parenting means payinch child support. If you don't pay it, you have no right to see or be involved in your child's life. Harsh, maybe.

My second question would be - do you think he would hit or abuse your child? If your instincts tell you that he would, I would file papers in court to prevent him from seeing your daughter or make it to where the visits are supervised.

I know you are in a very tough position. Best wishes. Attached is a link that I think you might find helpful.

Answer 11

You need to go to a lawyer and get him to set up supervised visits. They may decide to do it at the court house or at the police station. This way someone is in the room with both of them.You can also try to meet him at a public place.