My partner and I have been together for over 6 years now and we have 3 young children together. He still wants to run about with his mates as if he had no responsibilities. He has drug and alcohol issues. He has had 2 affairs but came back and at xmas after the last one he was determined to change for the better but it only lasted a few weeks. Last night he came home saying he would be back in 15 mins and had to go collect a tool. His phone been off since. I know he went out with his mates and prob been drinking most of night. I have had to miss my work because he was supposed to be home to watch kids. Will he ever grow up? Whatever I say or do does not affect how he behaves he just decides he is off out and thats that.
2007-02-17 01:57:42 · 24 answers · asked by KIRSTEN F 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think you need to think long and hard about why you are with this looser, he is bringing you down and is he really the role model you want for your children, no way in this world would I put up wih a guy treating me like that and i certainly wouldn't let someone who had drug and alcohol issues around my children, he may be their daddy but he isn't acting like it, you and your children deserve much better than this
2007-02-17 02:12:31 · answer #1 · answered by ✿Regina Felangie✿ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From much personal experience i have learnt that people dont change unless they want to and some epople enjoy a bit of both worlds, you cant physically or mentally change anyone and neither can medicine they have to have the will power and hope to do so, and something which is the hardest for people to get over is that they enjoy what we see as stupid part of their life and so therefore it has to come to a stage when they want to change which is often too late.
Although you may not think so.. but drugs on its own is very dangerous, but mixed with alcohol can be even worse, and then for you to be the nagger when they come home is even worse, what you may not realise is that your putting yours and your childrens life at risk.. drugs are un controlable and no one knows when its going to be a bad batch or that their mood integrated with a bad batch will turn a person funny, and although it may be minial now it wil get bigger and bigger unless something is done about.
You have to decide what you want to do next.. and how you can change your life for the better.. HE will NOT change unless HE WANTS to..
Be careful and keep safe, my e mail is neeneeuno@hotmail.co.uk
if you need or want anything else.
2007-02-17 02:44:03 · answer #2 · answered by neeneeuno 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all as you stated he has drug and alcohol problems, that alone spells trouble for you and your children. You also state that he has had at least two affairs that you know of, and the last time when he came back he was determined to do better by you and the children.
It's way past time for you to wake up. You have three children to think of, your children should not have to grow up in an environment where alcohol/drugs are being used.
What possible benefits do you see your children gaining from your staying with this man? Do you want to teach your children to use drugs/drink/cheat/lie and learn how not to be responsible people? I ask this because right now that is exactly what they are learning from him. They see you doing nothing to help change it, which in turn tells them that's how things are suppose to be. Like you put your big OK (rubber) stamp of approval on it, so that is how life is suppose to be.
You need to get out of this, what ever it is. As one can hardly call it a relationship since being in a relationship means being able to relate to one another. It also means being there for your partner and your children all the time, and not just when it's convenient for him. When we have children we can not afford to be selfish, our days of it just being about us are over until our children are raised up and grown.
He obviously won't or doesn't' want to change. It's sounds like it's all about his friends and fun and not about his being the mature, responsible adult that his family needs him to be.
It's time for you to make some different choices, cut your losses and get out. Either ask your family members for help or get some help from a shelter. If you really love your children which it sounds like you do, then you must protect both your children and your self from him.
You need to protect your self from his affairs, possibly std's that he may contract and end up giving you. It's your life too and you need to step up to the plate and do what's right for your children and your self. You could try counsling if you can get him to go, but he will have a long road ahead of him. It will take him a lot of time to deal with all the issues that he must face in order to fix what is going on with him.
Good luck, God Bless you and your children, you are all in my prayers.
2007-02-17 03:49:23 · answer #3 · answered by Cindy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same Situation here honey...We separated and ohh he couldn't live without us..Well after 1 1/2 he came back home with such promises..6mo. later out the door again. Now things are better for us. Once you are out of the relationship you see things in a different light. You see how you deserve to be treated better and you want that..He sees that no matter what you say he can still do what he wants.. Put his butt in the road!!!!!!!!!!! Your kids don't need to grow up like that...Trust me I know that it is hard it took me 5 yrs to do it. I still hurt because of the fact that we can't be together because I love him so much. We have been separated for 2 yrs now.
2007-02-24 06:21:41 · answer #4 · answered by sweetiepiefg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow, it is so hard being in a relationship with an addict, i know because i am one.......5 years clean now tho, there is a 12 step fellowship called ALANON it is for family members of addicts/alcoholics i think it could be really helpful for you, because his addiction is also making you sick, which is kinda hard for me to explain here but i will look up a web site for you & i hope you have a read of some of their stuff......You dont have to let his addiction ruin your life, sounds like your a single parent & you know what if u gave him a choice of family or mates & got serious about the consequences he just might step up to his responsibilities, but for now he dosnt have to......i really hope u search this site, best wishes D
2007-02-17 02:22:44 · answer #5 · answered by Donna S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would seem to me your partner has all of the benefits of your relationship with none of the responsibility. Is he willing to go for counseling? Do you have emotional support from friends or family? Do you have somewhere to go if you should leave? Can you support yourself and children? As far as him changing his ways, if he hasn't changed in 7 years, why would you expect that he ever would?. If he was "determined" to change", then he would. He is just giving lip service to changing to ease his guilt and keep you off his back.
2007-02-17 02:09:48 · answer #6 · answered by UNBAKED.PEGGA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not having a relationship with this man. It must be like having a fourth child in the house. He should be bending over backwards to make it up to you and i'm sorry to say he just doesn't seem to care enough about you and your children. Unless he can buck up his ideas, you'd be better off being on your own.
2007-02-25 00:54:20 · answer #7 · answered by chelsea19622000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends how old your boyfriend is!
Men dont usually want to settle down until most of their mates have. And if drugs and alcohol are in the mix then you have no chance.
If you cant kick him to the kerb then, You need to organise your life so that you do not have to depend on him. It's the only way!
2007-02-23 09:22:09 · answer #8 · answered by magic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this the kind of example of married life that you want your children to learn from? Do you want them to grow up believing that this is how Fathers behave, that this is what they can expect from their partner when they grow up? Are you prepared to see your kids grow up and go through the things you are going through now? No? Then you know what to do.
2007-02-22 07:17:23 · answer #9 · answered by fallen angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask yourself do you love him and does he love you after three kids you would think that he would get his self together and start looking after you and the kids but that is not the case and I'm sorry to say if he has not grown up now he never will there is help out there for you to go back to work take care of you and you re kids stuff him you can do it
2007-02-17 02:11:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋