My soulmate, dearest friend in the world husband just announced to me that he needs to move back in to his ex's home to be with his kids. We have been married 2 years. He has 2 kids - a daughter 15 and son 19. The son is having some emotional difficulties with anger etc...He says he doesn't know how long this will take. His ex-wife and I have discussed the fact she has no feelings for him anymore and the son said he needs his dad there. My husband does not want me to divorce him and wants me to give him time to deal with this and not give up on him. His ex-wife has instructed my husband that he will have to sleep in his son's room also. How long should I let this go on? I just happened today, but husband has dealt with guilt for a while. I feel left out in the cold as this seems like it could take years. My husband still wants to come take care of my household chores but theirs too. We have no kids together but I do. This is weird. He wants to be married to me. Help!!!
2007-02-17 01:36:11 · 13 answers · asked by angelina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I need to add to this that my husband & his ex have remained civil to each other & sort of friends for the kids sake. He actually left her to be with me because he fell in love with me the day we met. She has no resentment toward me; neither do the kids according to her. Moving in with me & my husband is not really an option since I live in a town and his ex - wife and kids live in the country. The son would not be happy at all in town. He enjoys hunting, saning ponds etc... If my husband is out there (in the country) with kids he misses me. If he is here at home with me he misses kids. And feels guilty that the chores in the country are not being dealt with properly. My husband also said he feels like he doesn't really feel like he fits in anywhere he has ever been. He is on meds for OCD and depression which help quite a bit. With everything he has, he says he still feels like something is missing. Maybe we could build out where his kids live but what if that didn't work either?
2007-02-18 13:34:28 · update #1
I should add that since his announcement that he may move back in with his first family, he has not spent a night over there yet. He has spent several days helping clean up their mess over there and I even spent a day helping him do that. It seems like the son can't handle all the responsibility that was thrown on him at 15 even though he is now 19. He seems to want his dad to do most of the chores. I don't know if he wants his dad to move back in or ot because I know my husband would be on his butt all the time and the son knows it. He does have anger issues and does need counseling. But his mom allows him to drink and smoke in her home as well as let him overrun her house with reptiles and animals. What a freakin mess!!
2007-02-21 01:19:47 · update #2
I don't think hes leaving.He could have handled the problem with out moving in.
2007-02-17 01:40:21 · answer #1 · answered by peg42857 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for this situation which has been forced on you. I believe that a 19 year old's anger issues should be dealt with professionally rather than by amateurs. If his emotional issues are as serious as is being presented to you, putting the father back into the picture is not going to solve the emotional problems but will serve to make them less likely to be resolved.
If the family truly believes that being around his "missing" father is the solution, why don't you and your husband let the son move into your home, make him go to school and get a job, so he can learn to be self-sufficient.
p.s., This is such an unusual situation that I think you should question everyone's version of this story. Protect yourself legally by consulting a matrimonial attorney quietly without your husband knowing you are doing so.
2007-02-17 09:46:28 · answer #2 · answered by Lois M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This son of his is manipulating this whole thing. He is 19, legally an adult! If he has "anger" issues he needs to get counseling for them. If your husband gives into this now, he will never have a back bone. Yep, they are his kids. But he's your husband! These children aren't little anymore. They are old enough to understand that Dad has a new wife and an new life. Sounds like he is available for the children, but they are demanding more...I would NOT let this happen. I know it's something he has to come to terms with. He would blame you if you tried to stop him, but you should push him towards NOT moving in and arranging some professional counseling for his children and his ex-wife.
2007-02-17 09:47:19 · answer #3 · answered by janice 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but either your "dearest friend" is lying to you or is less than intelligent. At 19 his son is a grown man. Any issues your husband can help him deal with now do not require that "daddy" is there 24/7 holding his hand. Your husband probably feels responsible for the boy's problems, but he is wrecking your life to try to rectify past mistakes. Simply ask him not to do to his current family what he feels guilty about having done to his first family. Do NOT accept this living arrangement, or your marriage is essentially destroyed.
2007-02-17 09:54:48 · answer #4 · answered by Sam C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry but i think you need to kiss your marriage good bye and leave and get what is due you and your kids and move on . Your husband is obviosly not man enough to speak up to his ex wife and tell her to blow off cause he was not moving in this is just going to confuse the son and it will never end . the boy will continue to have problems . the ex will always expect the dad to handle them . Just go you cannot win in this one and it is time to move on . Get a divorce lawyer and be done with it .
2007-02-17 10:35:07 · answer #5 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Years!? I dont think I could do that. If it was a shorter time period maybe but thats so long. Why cant the son move in with you or the son in father get a place together. That might make you feel more comfortable with it.
2007-02-17 09:42:56 · answer #6 · answered by amazonp017 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds pretty strange to me. He can help his kids WITHOUT moving back into his ex's house. If his son has anger issues he might not be able to help him anyway. He may need professional help.
2007-02-17 10:20:26 · answer #7 · answered by candib 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's weird. That's shockingly weird. Maybe the son should move in with you guys...if that's not an option, kiss your marriage good bye!
2007-02-17 09:41:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds pretty far fetched to me.....not sure that this is the best solution for anyone let alone the son who will certainly be getting mixed messages...this is something that should be handled by professionals and I doubt they would agree with this arrangement.....
2007-02-17 09:40:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he left his wife for you so he may turn it around it may back fire you may wind up hurt his ex wife might been hurt but put up with it for thier kids yeah right hes not sleeping with her just there for his son you better hope thats all
2007-02-21 00:30:52 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋