How can I become a better listener?

Question

I have been told I'm a good listener, but I want to improve my listening skills... I used to cut into conversations with advice and personal anecdotes, but I was told that's bad, so I stopped - now when people are upset though, I listen, I say I understand and I'm sorry for them, agree that it sucks - but what else can I do?

Advice sounds condescending, and personal anecdotes like I'm trivialising their problems... other than letting them know I'm there to listen and that I understand, what can I do?

Any ideas would be helpful.

Answer 1

Cutting the other while speaking is disturbing him and maybe he loses continuity of thoughts. Let him finish what he has to say and then give him your opinion, tell him you personal experiences on similar matters and give him whatever you think might be of help.

A good listener is not a person who just listens and doesn't speak. Of course you will speak - only watch your timing.
You only need to focus on the one he speaks, try to understand his issue and whatever idea comes as an answer, keep it in your mind to say it when he finishes.

When we are in need, a good listener is valuable.

Answer 2

Hmmm...good job! Everyone appreciates a friend/even a stranger who can listen to their rantings. So here are a few therapeuticstyles I can share...

-Whatever your prejudices, try to lay them off for a while. The friend is trying to tell her thoughts without being judged, or fell degraded.
-Acknowledge/recognize (not compliment) what she has already done.(Just what you observed, not necessarily praising him)
-Let her take the lead in the conversation. Reply with ok, go on, etc. to show that your mind is focused on her too. Or ask her to give more details as much as she wants. But i warn you not to push if she does not like to.
-Sometimes, talking about small stuff is the beginning. This is the time yo establish rapport with her. Don't push the drama. You will see that in time, she will be the one offering the information.
-Don't give unsolicited advice. Oh yes, this is one of the most common pitfalls. In fact, if she asks you, don't proceed at once. Ask herwhat she feels is the solution. This would make her feel that her ideas are also important and increase her esteem.
-Sometimes, silence is the best way of communicating. It lets the friend collect her thoughts.

Okay, so now, here are the dont's:
DON'T:::
-give reassurance. (You have nothing to worry about, etc. when reality is really right there. She may also feel being ridiculed)
-Show contempt for her ideas. Of course, we might disagree many times but the goal is to let her think through talking so that eventally, she would realize that was a bad idea, afterall)
-Change topic. She may have other things to discuss with you.
-Defend her opponent's side. It will not change her feelings and would only make her feel you are ganging up on her. Instead, try to find out yourself.

Communication is both beautiful and tricky. It can give you rewards, or even more problems. Furthermore, it is very individual so expect that some techniques could be helpful while others would not do the trick. Good luck and may you be blessed for your kind soul.

Answer 3

First watch you body posture. Always make eye contact, sit facing them directly (but not so close as to invade their space, about 3 or so feet is safe). As they are talking JUST listen don't be trying to think of questions *while* they talk. BUT very important...as soon as they finish a "line" or "paragraph" (so to speak) summarize for them such as: "what I am hearing from you is ..." is that what you meant to say. This can be more subtle but re-stating what they just told you is important in understanding their concerns. You are correct about giving advice. It is dangerous it many ways. Try presenting possible alternatives and helping the person think through each to see possible outcomes, this involves even closer listening skills as you have to "keep-up" with their ideas so don't hesitate to ask a pertinent question to help you keep everything straight in your own mind. Then when they choose what they want to do (with help from you) encourage them, but also address any fears or hesitation they may have.

Answer 4

I use to be a counselor, I think this might help. One of the most important things to listening is to not try to analyze during the conversation, afterward instead of telling them your opinion guide them with questions about what they said. Example: you said I use to cut into conversations, my question would be, how did you hear the conversation if you are thinking of the solution before the conversation is done? People have already given the answer they just haven't recognized it, the trick is to take them to the answer and let them answer it themselves. This was one of the first things we learned in class. I'm sure you are a good listener or you wouldn't be asking this question
hope this helps

Answer 5

specific, eye touch is a key element in enhancing your listening skills. And, please do no longer think of me rude or opposite once I advise this too: could you no longer additionally get your listening to checked? There could be a average and actually-correctable listening to situation. does no longer you prefer to get that ruled-out as a conceivable source of what were conserving you decrease back from being a extra advantageous listener? different threat: possibly it is not your listening to or digesting what somebody is asserting. possibly that some anybody is confusing for many human beings to hearken to, additionally. the two way, I advise getting a 2nd or third opinion.;D You sound incredibly superb & worrying and in touch. desire you come across your suited answer quickly and clean up this riddle for your self.

Answer 6

Listening to others is wonderful, sharing with advices should be come when u have been asked for one or opinion. Make it that simple.

Answer 7

paraphrasing what a person has just said is a good way to demonstrate that you listened and cared enough to listen without being condescending.

Answer 8

dont just use your ears.. use your eyes to see past them into thier soul and really understand wat they are feeling... use facial expressions ilie if its surprisng you gasp or nod your head wen they get to a certain part... use your other senses like touch the person to assure that you are listening .. i would suggest you dont use taste or smell