10 years ago I went out with this guy for 5 years (my first love) and now I am happily married with another man. The problem is I just recently found out that my first love's Mom is dying and and doesn't have long to live. We were really close when we dated and I'm not sure what my husband would think. I would really love to go see his mom...my first love doesn't live there and I don't know if it would be wrong and how would I go about to tell my husband without upsetting him?
2007-02-17 01:10:00 · 20 answers · asked by Emma 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
There are gaps in this question...
Why are you afraid of telling your husband you're going out to see your friend's mother because she is dying?
There isn't anything to be afraid or ashamed of... unless you're going to see her to rekindle your relationship with your ex; which doesn't sound much like something you plan on doing.
He's your husband. He now is the one you would love to know inside out and im sure he feels the same.
Just tell him, and don't hesistate to answer any questions because you would trust him if he were in the same position.
2007-02-17 01:22:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you say you are happily married so I would assume that he is a great guy and you have trust( one of the biggest and most important ingredients of a happy marriage) so I don't think your husband would have any problems with you visiting this guys mom. After all she is someone from your past that you apparently came to care about a great deal and really has nothing to do with your ex-boyfriend or the feelings that you used to have for him. Also invite him to go along. If you and his mom are close i would think she would love to meet the man you married that is making you happy!
2007-02-23 02:08:35 · answer #2 · answered by byotch 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That the key you are happily married. There is not problem here that I can see. Just tell your husband that you are going to see Mrs so and so you heard she was dying and you want to go see her, before she dies. There is nothing wrong with that.
You don't have to say that she was your first loves mother if you don't want.
Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. You love your husband and he you. You are just paying your respects that's all .
2007-02-17 09:32:02 · answer #3 · answered by majean52 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you, definatley, do what YOU want to do. If you were close to your old boyfriend's mom, regardless even of your relationship with him was good or bad, what matters is this woman is dying, and if its someone you care about, then regardless of surrounding circumstances, you owe it to your self to go see her.
And if your happily married, your husbands going to understand, and if he dont, ...he'll need to.......its really that simple.
The only reason I can say this so boldly, about 3 years ago, my husbands ex fiance's mom was found in a model home unresponsive.(she was a realtor), I work in the ER, she came in unidentified...my husband ended up being the one to help get her id'd. To shorten details, the woman died about 2 days later.....I had to deal with my husbands ex and his dying mom. Yea, it wasnt a walk in the park for me...but I dealt....cause, really, it was absolutley nothing to do with me. I was not part of this whole scene. He spent the next couple of days in his ex's presence, but I supported him the entire time....why?....because he was part of her family at one time, and he loved his ex's mom, they had a great relationship...unlike him and his ex. He hates her, literally, but he was there to support her, as well as be there when his "would have been" mom in law lay dying. He was there because of the relationship he had with her mom, not her. Even though, things got a little freindlier between them for a spell, but again, its all good. Everyone needs support when there is a loved one dying, and past relations or surrounding circumstances shouldnt hinder someone from being there. My personal opinion, dont you think you would regret it if you didnt get to see her while she's alive?,
You cant share memories with someone if you wait til their funeral.
2007-02-25 04:36:03 · answer #4 · answered by harleylover 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take him with you, if your were friends with this guys mum she will be pleased to see your happy.
I agree with the other persons reply when they say there is something missing from your question.
Your first love is always something special and that person even if they were bad to you will have a special place in your heart until the day you die. Remember they were the first love outside of your relationship with siblings and parents, its the first time you experienced love so it was all brand new emotions and they have a lifetime effect on you.
See her before she dies.
2007-02-24 20:55:04 · answer #5 · answered by Question 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should do what your heart tells you. Your husband may be upset about the situation, but remind him that you love him, and that your first love's mother was close to you. If he loves you, and trusts you, then he will have no problem. Good luck!
2007-02-24 13:55:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have been with that guy for five years and still you haven't told your husband what was going on with both of you at that time. gee, that's the moment to sit down and start the talk like 'do you remember that guy i told you about. his mom is dying and i have to go' ... if he is a cool guy he'll understand you if not, I'm sorry but try with a new husband - this one is for recycling
2007-02-24 14:04:02 · answer #7 · answered by Di Snow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he should trust you, and it isint like you want to go see your first love. you have a past and that past involved your past loves family, so i would just sit down and explain. you know sometimes we put off things to protect the feelings of someone we love and then we go on to have to deal with the emotions that what we should have done or could have done but didnt. sometimes that is harder to live with then talking to your husband and explain how you feel about this and you would like to at least like to be able to say maybe things you wanted to in the past. good luck with all this and i wish you the very best .
2007-02-21 22:50:48 · answer #8 · answered by mala 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain the situation to your husband and ask him if he would understand and let you go see this woman before she dies. Just maybe, you could take your husband too. There is certainly no harm in doing that if he wants to go.
2007-02-17 09:36:35 · answer #9 · answered by froggsfriend 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him how important it is to you to see this woman. That you were really close. If he loves you he'll understand.
And if he doesn't then do it anyway. You are your own person and if he cant understand how important this is to you then he doesn't deserve you. I'm sure he'll understand though.
2007-02-17 09:23:02 · answer #10 · answered by amazonp017 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋