My ex-husband had moved to another state due to job reasons. I live in another state. We have a 14 year old daughter. He left her and moved to the other state. I think that he assumed that I would come back and take her or his mother would take care of her.
I have left my job and come back to try and take my daughter back with me. However, my mother-in-law thinks that I want to work things out with my ex-husband and keeps pushing me to try and stay.
I am not interested in my ex-husband because he is pushy, controlling and manipulative. My mother-in-law is the same way. They both try to micromanage each issue.
I have asked my daughter to decide if she wants to come back with me.
How do I respond to my pushy mother-in-law? She keeps making me feel bad in that I don't have a companion or house of my own.
If I leave without my daughter though, she will suffer.
2007-02-17 00:32:00 · 8 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
EX MOTHER IN LAW
DO NOT AT ALL LEAVE without your daughter!
DONT GIVE HER THAT OPTION
EX's are called that for a reason it didnt work out completely cut off your associations.
They sound like they have real mental issues and your the smart one out that family..
NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BAD its if you allow them to make you feel bad!
2007-02-17 01:04:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably won't like my answer, but I think you should weigh out more than what is in the statement you made. What I think you should take into greater consideration is cost of living, job offerings, and salaries etc. Your daughter is 14, in 4 years she will be 18 that is a very short time. Time that you don't want to loose. As far as your daughter is concerned at 14 she has an opinion, maybe a social circle of school friends, and a relationship with her father. She needs emotional security too and you don't want her to be negatively effected by any decision you make. So, if it were me, I would weigh my career, job offerings and living costs, against the damage that changing my daughter's living arrangements could do to my relationship with my daughter, and to her emotional and developmental well being against each other. Hey, if your financial stability is in another state, than you may be more beneficial to your daughter with that stability. I think that is what it boils down to. How beneficial you could be to her against whatever consequences the change could have.
As far as getting along with your ex or his mother. If your working, you wouldn't be seeing much of them anyway. You wouldn't be living with them, so just put them in a place in your mind where their opinions don't have value to you and what they think will stop bothering you. (That's a good first start defense mechanism which often leads to less conflict so it can be worked with.)
Yes I would like to add, that in either situation whether you stay in the same town she is in now or you move, she should be living with you. Again unless there is something you haven't told us which makes your husband a better or more secure environment. Unless your mother in law has paid some fancy legal fees and won guardianship, this is not her place. Just because people are older, does NOT always make them wiser. There are plenty of 30 years olds that are more mature and wiser than 60 year olds. Think about it this way, Hitler was 55 at the end of the war, that didn't make him right. Also people don't generally gain lots of knowledge between their mid 50s and mid 60s. That's usually when they start realizing how much has changed, while they weren’t noticing.
2007-02-17 01:12:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take your daughter and leave. Don't let his mother get involved, it is none of her business. How could your ex just up and leave your daughter? I am sure at this point she has some abandonment issues, don't you leave her too. Insist that she comes home with you and be on your way. His mother sounds like someone you need to stay away from. You are the adult, tell your daughter that she is coming with you. Your ex doesn't deserve to see your daughter if he is willing to just up and leave her liike that, but that is another issue that you will have to deal with.
2007-02-17 01:26:11 · answer #3 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all you don't let your daughter have the upper hand if you want her to go with you then you tell her she is not staying and thats that she is only 14 your the mother not her...second as for the mother in law tell her to mind her own biz. tell her that the house you will get another one its not a big deal everyone goes through the ups and downs with homes...not a big deal...as for the companion tell her after being with her pushy *** kid you don't care to have another man in the house...
2007-02-17 00:50:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow i have an over powering mother in law too! If u dont want her in the delivery room then just tell her dont ask ur husband to do it cos then it may look like ur trying to push a wedge between them. U absolutely have to stand up to her and tell her she is not your mother and cannot tell u what to do or not to do!Grown men r funny when it comes to their mother so b careful tell him how u feel and try to get him on ur side b4 u get pregnant. Perhaps a middle ground would b to try and learn some spanish that way u will look like u r trying to make some kinda effort for her familys sake and to b honest being pregnant can drag in so it wld give u something to do plus having bi lingual babies will benefit them greatly in the long term not many kids spk a 2nd language until they go to secondary school so it wld b a huge step ahead for them. Good luck in ttc and all the best for the future x
2016-05-23 22:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are your childs mother. You need to quit focusing on yourself and start focusing on your child. If this is a bad situation for her, then get her OUT of the situation. Understanding, of course, that you are the parent and even if the situation with your mother in law is ideal for the child, you are her parent and need to have employment and at least be semi-happy.
Stand up for yourself and your child!
2007-02-17 00:39:49 · answer #6 · answered by Amber 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
please do not leave without your daughter. Just take your daughter and leave and make you both a life together. Your mom-in-law will just have to get her own life., not yours. You are your own boss, not someone else. so, whatever you decide for yourself and your daughter, do it.
2007-02-17 00:42:43 · answer #7 · answered by casmileor2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go after your daughter and take her home with you.
2007-02-17 00:38:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋