iv just found out im 5 weeks pregnant,iv been with my partner for 7 months and we are in the last process of buying a house together,he told me not long ago that he wants a baby but not yet,then he said if it happens he will be ok with it if thats what i want,but i no its not what he wants right now,i dont no how to tell him although i no he has a right to no.i keep thinking of abortion but i no i couldnt live with the guilt of the thought of me killing my baby,then i thought of adoption,i want this baby and id always wonder if the baby was ok and happy.im 20 and my boyfriend is 27 in a well paid job,i had a miscarrige when i was 15 at 37 weeks and i had to give birth to her and i held her,then when i think of that it makes me want this baby even more.im so confused i just dont no what to do.id be greatful of any advice.thank you for taking the time to read this.
2007-02-17 00:11:25 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Well if he didn't want to have kids right now then he would have made sure of it by using condoms. He is old enough to handle it so just tell him.
2007-02-17 00:15:45 · answer #1 · answered by ஐ♥Julian'sMommy♥ஐ 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is very hard. First you seem to want the baby. If that is so, then you need to underdstand one thing. The baby is both your responsibility. You mention that you have a partner and that he has a good job. That is a good first step, but think about the fact what happens if he decides to leave? What are you going to do? Can you care for the child on your own? It will be very hard but you can do it. If the child is his, he will have a legal obigation to support it. Aside from this point you also have to consider your age. I guess you are pretty young. Are you emotionally fit to raise a kid?? You have to answer that question. One of the hardest decisions that you will make is this one. It is important that you think these thru without any emotions. Make a list of the pro's and con's. If the Pro's are longer then you knwo the answer. When I say dont let emotions take any decisions it is because, when we are in stress we tend to rely on emotions as our base for answers and this leads us to decide what we think is the right thing and in the end might be only a not well thought decision. Hope this helps, keep your chin up. I have three kids and know that it is very hard but also very fulfilling.
2007-02-17 00:23:23 · answer #2 · answered by manglada 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your partner wasnt ready for a family then you both should have been using pre-cautions however you are pregnant now and you both need to deal with the situation as burying your head in the sand wont make things disapear. As hard as it may be you NEED to tell your boyfriend about the baby, he has a right to know as it is part of him too. It s seems that your desperate to have this baby and be assured that no one has the right to pressure you into an abortion or otherwise. I think that you would benefit from support from either your doctor or a health visitor. You may also be able to arrange to see a councellor through your local family planning clinic. Try and talk to your mum aswell. I am sorry about the loss of your baby, my wife and I have also experienced the sadness of stillbirth. We are now expecting our 3rd baby on 22nd feb. This pregnancy may bring back alot from your past and so this is another reason why I think you would benefit from support. If your still finding it hard to cope after your loss, contact sands uk, there a charity that offers help, support and advice for people affected by miscarriage, stillbirth and child loss. My wife has found them amazingly helpful. I hope that things work out for you, do what you feel is right. If you chose to have the baby then your boyfriend responsibility for the baby whether you remain together or not. Good luck
2007-02-17 01:30:09 · answer #3 · answered by thedaddy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your baby even if it means loosing the boyfriend. I'm not anti abortion but I have been in a similar position to you.
Your man said he didn't want children now and it shouldn't be a problem because you both have 8 months still to wait, plan and get used to the idea. Then it's you who will be the main care giver for the first few months so it probably wont change his life style much anyway. (I'm not sexit it's just the way it is, men dont have milk)
He needs to know and I should think you need his support. I worried constantly through my pregnancy thinking something would go wrong again.
Good luck and congratulations.
2007-02-20 21:24:37 · answer #4 · answered by BooBam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are buying a house together and that you "eventually" wanted kids- he will be fine with it. Tell him. About an abortion, as you know it takes the life of your baby- but it also can cause many physical , emotional and spiritual risks to you- The physical risks can be a torn uterus, excessive bleeding, also later miscarriages and also possibly not being able to get pregnant. I know these facts because I am a counselor for a pregnancy help clinic. I talk to women who have had abortions and regretted it, and those who are contemplating it. It seems like to me that you and your boyfriend love each other, and will stay together since you are buying a house together. Some women say "if I do not have an abortion , my BF will leave me". This is not true. There is proof that after a woman has an abortion and she starts to regret it and have grief, and guilt it causes the father of the baby to leave- because he cannot handle the stress. I am adopted and I have 2 kids that are adopted and I am so thankful to our birth moms for giving us life. I know it is hard to do this- but it is the greatest form of love, especially if it "is not the right time for you to have a child". You can select the adoptive parents and chose to have contact with him/her as well. If you want to talk more, please feel free to email me. God bless and congratulations-
2007-02-17 02:15:01 · answer #5 · answered by AdoreHim 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well since you have such a long time to go being only 5wks. pregnant I'm sure you and your man will have time to get settled into your new home, and get into the way of family life.. It sounds to me as if you have already made up your mind on keeping your baby which I think is the best thing and since your man already wants kids there's no better time than now.. You would be surprised at how men who say they aren't ready YET adapt to the thought of having a little one around.. It sounds as if you two have all your ducks in a row and are ready for the task ahead... Tell him so you don't have to feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders alone... If he loves you he will support you, especially knowing your past experiences!!!! Good luck
2007-02-17 01:03:38 · answer #6 · answered by B-E-B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same position as you, me and my husband got married in August last year and we agreed on waiting 3 years before starting a family. But he always said that if it happens he will be fine with it.
Then shortly before my period in October last year I just felt pregnant and I was so scared to tell my husband. Eventually I told him and he was so happy. I was still not sure if I wanted a baby and if I´m ready to have a baby. I never thought of abortion or adoption though because I believe it´s murder (adoption) and you should be able to take responsibility of your actions ( adoption ).
I´m almost 22 weeks now and I´m enjoying my pregnancy and my husband is super supportive and it´s just wonderful.
I would just tell my partner, he might react in a certain way but do keep in mind that he was not expecting this either. He does have the right to know and if you do decide on abortion or adoption ( which I´m totally against ) he has to have a say in it too....
Good luck....
2007-02-17 00:58:40 · answer #7 · answered by Ladybird 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry you are going through this. It must be hard. But you need to make hard decisions for yourself and this baby. Please tell your boyfriend and the both of you can find what is best for you and baby. Dont just get an abortion because it is inconvienent right now to be pregnant. You have a heart and will do the right thing for you. So sorry about your loss of your baby when you were younger. That had to be hard. I wish you the best of luck and I am sure you will be fine. God Bless you and baby.
2007-02-17 00:23:10 · answer #8 · answered by Mum to 2 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell ur partner that ur expecting see how he reacts, he'll probably be over the moon that he's gonna be a daddy u r obviously in a committed and loving relationship or u wouldn't be buying a house together. If u feel so strongly about wanting this baby then keep it. Make sure u let ur partner know how u feel as well.
Good luck and do what makes u happy
2007-02-17 01:41:13 · answer #9 · answered by kate B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is never a right time to have a baby. I'm sure your partner will be really over the moon about the baby. Tell him and enjoy your pregancy and the baby when he/she comes. Reading about your miscarriage makes me even more pleased that your pregnant.
God bless and good luck!!
2007-02-20 01:38:01 · answer #10 · answered by wise old owl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him and figure out what you are going to do together. Tell him how you feel and let him tell you how he feels. He will figure it out soon so you may as well tell him now. By the sounds of it he won't get mad or anything, he might just be a little disappointed. As for your miscarriage I'm very sorry, perhaps you could talk to your doctor about it to see if you can prevent that from happening again. Good luck with whatever you chose to do.
2007-02-17 00:17:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋