How to increase spontanity in formal/informal conversations?

Question

I normally find better answers almost instantaneosuly in hind sight.

Why is it so that I am not able to give better spontanious answers.
Although I normally have the requisite knowledge ,but jus cud not answer in the best way.

How to have a better spontanity in conversation.
Can anybody help!!!

Answer 1

You are probably giving your thoughts more from the head than from your heart. Don't be overly concerned about what you thoughts will sound like. Just be you. People will like you more.

Answer 2

You need to relax in your conversations, don't be so nervous. There's no point. It sounds like you are trying to impress people with your conversations, but what will impress them more is your easy, relaxed knowledge of the subject at hand, if it takes a minute or two to come up with the right response to the topic, so what?

Remember, the other people you talk to are just people too, they get nervous just as easily as anybody else. Take your time, it will slow down the conversation a little, but could also make it a more interesting, in-depth one at the same time when people realize the value of what you have to say.

Answer 3

I have always had the same frustration. I know after a conversation what I should have said. But think of it this way: it's part of you, of your own personality, to think more slowly, but possibly also more thoroughly. That doesn't mean that you can't make a very valuble contribution in society, but maybe in different ways. And you can learn to be the best listener, which is probably far more important than coming up with quick answers.

Have you noticed that people who do often talk a lot of nonsense?

Answer 4

Hi there,

I hope I can help?. I have the opposite problem to you but find that others find it very hard to be spontaneous with me and because for most people, it isn't something that comes easy.

I find that in formal as well as informal situations, It is absolutely essential to be able to talk about things that are hard to talk about if you want your relationships to succeed. The "hard stuff" isn't always negative, either. For some people, talking about positive feelings of love and affection is very difficult. Yet, relationships need positive expressions of emotion just like flowers need water and sunshine. Without them, they wither and die. It is better to make mistakes when communicating so that you will know where you can improve best and so that means asking for feedback. Don't be afraid to ask how you did in an interview!

Unfortunately, good communication doesn't come naturally to most people, especially when there are any emotion involved and because emotions tend to suffocate the way we project feelings, our spontaneity gets quashed. Being true to yourself and natural to the way you feel is going to be what invites spontaneity in you and those around you who perhaps are not aware that you have feelings if you only show a side of yourself that always feels like it needs to be in control and therefore you project a more rigid self?.

I agree that you need to practice on people and on yourself. Role play with a friend or partner helps.

If you are fearful in any situation, your stomach will usually tighten up and that is when you might react with a defensive or evasive approach with others (as if to stand back and therefore shut them out) and so the root cause of your lack of spontaneity comes from a fear of connecting with others because you may fear rejection. It also might be that you have little in common with those you are wanting to be spontaneous with and that will inevitably cause you to not want to allow them too close into your personal space?.

I often find that if I am being intimidated or bullied for example, this will make me not want to engage naturally around others and if I feel them to be too self-orientated or behaving towards me in a way that is awkward anyway, I don't feel the need to want to act and be spontaneous. Not everyone is spontaneous by nature even though we can all learn to be and if we can see the appeal of a an animal and nurture it, then we are all capable of being naturally warm and inviting around others.

It is much harder to be spontaneous when there are obstacles in the way such as fear because fear stops us from trusting. When adults don't trust other adults, there is usually a background to this and has a lot to do with how our trust was treated in child - hood years. You can always trace your fears back and work on them though it isn't easy. It took me some time to trust other people but I find that I can only be spontaneous with people who
are open to being spontaneous themselves and it is saying something when I am even answering your question! - you come across as being spontaneous to me!.

You have an inviting speech that is strongly conveyed in your own question and that to me, suggests that you have no difficulties in being expressive and reflective: the two qualities you need to be a spontaneous person. You are in touch with yourself and how you feel and that is what I am reading from your question and what leads me to say that if anything, your fears lie in how other people relate to you rather than how you relate to them?. We can only influence the way others relate to us by the way we project what we do but we can't go around pleasing everyone as that just isn't possible not healthy.

I think being objective is far better than being spontaneous in most instances and because we are emotive by nature and this
makes giving spontaneous answers easy, but not rationally thought out. Society always favors reason and logic over emotions and this is why so many people become frustrated
and unable to find an expression for their feelings inside and
outside of working life. Spontaneity is something we should welcome and embrace as part of who we are and would like
to be.

It takes time and practice, but you can do it if you really want to. I think just letting some of your barriers down will do the trick and being around trustworthy and spontaneous others will do the trick. It did it for me.

Good luck and try not to worry. Things usually happen when you try the least hardest to make them!. x

Answer 5

Its simple dear watch shows only in english. talk only in english. Read newspaper in english not only this in home also u have to try to speak in english.Definetly one day u own say that u good in english..

Answer 6

Manav,

If you had a valid profile I could tell you.

Answer 7

practise

Answer 8

just relax and be yourself