I am going crazy...?

Question

I am pregnant by my fiance, but things with him and I have now officially went to bad to worse..we have been fighting non stop and at first we were both happy about being pregnant but now i find myself thinking all these horrible thoughts about aborting or even adoption..i really want the child but know i am not ready..i just now am getting my career started and was planning on moving until i found this out..to make matters worse, my fiance has been lying to me about smoking weed and i feel so betrayed bc he told me he quit. also he's 27 and still lives with his mom (who is disabled so he takes care of her) and works at a grocery store and doesnt want to go back to college and finish his degree he barely goes to the job he has now..i am so hurt about being pregnant now i feel like its such a bad time bc we are at each others throats, i love him but cant deal with his bull..I dont know what to do about this baby, i know i will not be able to afford it, but this wasnt planned.HELP!!!!!!

Answer 1

Your predicament is quite sad, you know, a lot of people survive on their own with a child- what if you feel bad later about aborting or adopting. You must have planned the baby , did you? so now you just want to whisk it away because it seems to be now interupting your life!!! Be done with the lying fiance, start a new life with your child, be a strong person. Best of luck.

Answer 2

If things are bad now, adding a baby to the mix is going to be even worse... right now it's ok, but once it's out in the flesh and you add screaming baby to your already hectic life, it's just going to get worse!! especially since you do have so much going on, you may end up resenting the poor little thing and then the baby will not have that great of a life either. If you are up to it, you can always go for abortion (you won't get that attached to it as you would by carrying it full term), or even adoption. there are so many couples out there that do so badly want a baby and can't and can give the best of life to your baby.... I would leave your fiance, a weed abusing father is worse than no father at all, and consider your options. if you know you can't afford it and provide the type of life you want for your baby, go for the adoption or abortion. Make sure you think of all the consequences of each action... the most important being what would happen if you stayed? your fiance might keep using and get worse, and maybe violent and attack you while pregnant... or if you leave and you have the baby alone you may have to drop out of your career until baby is old enough to stay alone or go to school while you work, etc. This is such a hard situation and i deeply feel for you. Just go with what your heart and mind tell you what is best and you can live best with. even if you do not keep this baby, you have your whole life to have a baby with the love of your life when you are happily married and the baby will have the most loving parents and environment and can be best supported. Good luck and best of wishes to you!

Answer 3

first of all...let me just say I have 3 friends who've had abortions...and 10-12 years later, they're still upset about them...so it isn't the easy way out...the guilt can be overwhelming even if you do have support, and there's no way to take it back and reverse the decision.

Secondly, I think adoption is a beautiful thing--and a very loving thing to do--takes incredible courage, but is probably the best mothering you could do at this point...since the child's well-being is your primary responsibility--over your own emotions...

But, I understand not being able to stand the idea of not watching your baby grow up...and in many states the "father" can decline to give up parental "rights" making it impossible to go the adoption route. So if you do decide to leap into the world of single-parenting consider this:
1. Your fiance at his worse is all you can count on...if he's flaky, unmotivated, undisciplined and on drugs...expect that to continue for as long as you know. I'm not trying to depress you, but with addicts what you see is what you get. (and anyone who is lying and covering up their use of a drug they promised not to use is an addict--not that he'll think so, but you can see the effects of his use in that he's unmotivated, lying, and missing work. You have to be the hero, because most likely he won't be. Take care of yourself and your baby.
2. If your parents will help you...you will need their help (that's true no matter what you decide to do), and if you have a decent father, his male influence is likely to be more reliable and positive for the baby and you than your fiance is.
3. Now is the time to kick proverbial **** at your job so that they'll be anxious to have you back after maternity leave, because you'll need that job or better.
4. Consider talking to the people at your local pregnancy help clinic *sometimes called a Crisis pregnancy center. Beyond a shadow of a doubt they will fight hard to talk you out of any idea of an abortion, but if you decide on adoption or raising the baby yourself they will help you alot. I want to say again, they will very likely say just about anything to keep you from getting an abortion...so don't go there looking for them to help you locate those services...However, they are also the first people to offer post-abortion counseling to deal with the inevitable guilt and grief...for them it's not about blame, it's about trying to save a life...and help it along. Anyway, many of them offer free-checkups, formula, diapers, baby furniture, etc...



listen, I'm on your side in this...keep in touch if you need an ear ever. I also have some advice for you with the fiance if you want it, but this answer is getting too long already...
kat

Answer 4

I think I have to agree with some of these people if things are that bad then the last thing you need now is a baby and with you just getting started on your career I hate to say this but wait until you find someone who cares not only for you but is also who you think would make a great father. Who knows in the next few months to a year you just mind find Mr. Right.

So get yourself on track before starting a family and and in times you'll find someone who you know you can trust and doesn't have a habit of lying to you about things like that.

Answer 5

Well, first of all...take a deap breath! You or your baby don't need to be stressed out right now. I'm no expert on relationships, but I do have some experience (8years). And after 8 years with my husband, it's still hard at times! There's always fighting in the beginning. Especially when you're planning to get married and you're pregnant and you don't have a lot of money to be dishing out for these things. That's a lot to handle. I've been there too and, for me, it really helped a lot having my friends to talk to and family to help me out. It takes a lot of support from friends and family to keep a marriage going and keep your sanity when you have kids to care for! But your fiance needs to know that he can't stay with his mom if he's planning on marrying you and having a baby. That only makes things harder and more stressful for the both of you. If he plans on having a strong marriage then he needs to start being honest and stop doing drugs. It takes a lot of responsibility and it sounds like he needs to get his priorities straight. I think you two should sit down together (no yelling, no fighting) and seriously talk about it. All of it. You won't always see eye to eye, but maybe it will help you two understand eachother a little better. And who knows, it might bring you two closer. I wish you two the best and congrats on the pregnancy!

Answer 6

Think about the baby...the life you've created. Remember why you were happy......forget the fiance......he's just adjusting to the thought of being a father, but in a childish way. There is always a way to get through the rough spots. Look into programs through the state, ask your parents, friends, family for support. You can do it.

Answer 7

First of all, no offense, get rid of the weed addict boyfriend. You may have feelings for him but do what's best for the baby. You don't want your kid around that. Continue with your career and be around the ppl who support you the most, you'd be suprised how much you can do and having a baby. I know it sounds like it's stressful, i'm not saying it's easy. But your baby is totally worth it. Don't abort it and don't give it up for adoption. You will regret it for the rest of your life. If you have family or close friends, i'm sure they will help you out.

Answer 8

could it be your both just feeling allot of stress with the baby coming ? i don't believe in drugs at all and he should stop before being around the baby but he is doing a good thing taking care of his mother you need someone close to him to talk to if you feel you can not talk to him about all of this don't give up on yourself or your baby he will do what ever it is he will do there is nothing you can do or say to change him do whats best for you and your baby let him worry about him

Answer 9

Not to sound condescending, but you knew where this man was in life and where he worked when you became pregnant. It isn't for me to say what you should do, but I had my first son last month and I can't imagine life without him now. NO ONE is EVER really prepared. You can do this. There is help. People have done this before you and will continue after you. I don't think you'll ever forgive yourself if you give up this baby.

Now as far as the man goes, I say abort him. lol

Answer 10

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