Having problems with current GF because of her EX?

Question

I am currently in a newer relationship of 4 months. My question has to do with my current girlfriends Ex. :

They have a 2 month old son together, and they separated during her pregnancy (went out for 2 years) because the guy is not going anywhere in life. When their son was born, he stayed in Vegas and did not return until a week or so after his birth. He was also arrested and put into jail during this time for a month due to probation violations.

Since he has gotten out of jail (January), he and my GF have been speaking to each other several times per day. He claims he wants to be in their son’s life, and has even watched him overnight a total of 3 nights.

He and I do not get along with each other at all, and it is beginning to wear down my GF. She told me we both trash each other and she is getting really stressed out over it. She told me he is going to be in her life regardless if we get along or not because she wants him to bond with her son and assume the responsibilities of being a parent.

This is where my major problem comes in. She has lied several times over the past month regarding the Ex. :

1.Said that she was not with him at all during the day a medical checkup with her son. She said he was not going, but I found out she went and picked him up prior to the appointment. I found this out because I found a yahoo map with his address and directions to the clinic left in the truck. I called her sister and she confirmed he was with her.

2.Said she needed a break from the baby and went over to her sisters house for a few hours. I found out that her sister was not home at the time, and that my GF went over to the Ex’s house instead. Again, I contacted her sister and asked a question and she was surprised when I told her that she was supposed to be over there a few hours earlier. My GF finally confessed and stated that she went over to the Ex’s so he could visit and watch him while she took a break/nap when I questioned her because said she drove over to her sisters and she was not home and went over there instead.

3.There have been a few other times she stopped over their without telling me. She was late a few times and I was aggravated and asked why she was late with my truck. She finally admitted she was visiting him briefly and did not tell me until she left there. This has happened a few times.

4.Lastly, I have known that she talks to him on the phone several times per day. I questioned her about this and told her I do not like her talking to him so much. She told me she would not contact him but rather talk to him when he calls her. The phone bill came and she lied again because it showed she called him an average of 3-5 times per day since she said she would mellow out.

This pushed me over the edge and I began to question her relationship with him and faithfulness to me. I demanded answers and she said she was lying to me because she knew how much we disliked each other and did not want to make things worse etc.

Now here is the real problem. She told me that she wants to go with her Ex and his brother with his new baby out of town so she could see her grandson’s for the first time. My GF wants to go and said she does not trust her son with him alone for 3 days and wanted to meet his mom anyway because she has been sending cash and other care packages since his birth.

Needless to say, this question did not go over well with me, and we have been fighting for a week straight. She said I have nothing to worry about because she is with me and they will never get back together. She said I need to trust her, but I am having a really hard time doing it. We were fighting so bad during this time I thought about breaking up with her. She said she would not go if it would bring an end to our relationship. I finally got so tired of fighting I said go ahead and go. She decided that morning she was going on the trip and again asked if it was OK with me. I gritted my teeth and told her she has free will and can do what she wants.

I regret telling her this because it is really tearing me up inside. I have a feeling deep down inside that she is trying to revive things with him and cheating on me or maybe it is just jealousy or paranoia.

I have been beating myself up all day and might break up with her when she comes back into town. When I found out she lied to me on several occasions, my trust diminished and now I seem to internally question her every move and motive.

I find this whole trip to be extremely insulting to me and well…..fishy. Am I am over-reacting and not really believing her intentions of trying to establish a schedule and routine with him to care for their son. Could she think I am so gullible that she can cheat on me under my nose???? She said the purpose of the trip was to meet his mom, and they would double team him regarding his lack of commitment to the baby.

I really need some input here because I do not want to destroy this without just cause. I have asked several people and most have sided with me saying she is cheating, while a few others think that her intentions true to establishing a positive relationship with their baby.

Answer 1

First off...he's not her Ex. She's spending more time with him than she is with you...this makes him a "current" relationship, instead of the previous sperm donor you make him out to be. She's still got her head in his pants, literally and figuratively.

Second, you've passive aggressive wussy-like behavior is only compounding the problem. Yeah, I know it sounds brutal, but it's the truth. Your constant chasing after her, checking up on her, and confronting her, labels you as INSECURE WUSSY-BOY. She's got you trained to do what she wants, and her only consequence is your incessant whining.

She only told you she wouldn't go on this trip if it threatened the relationship, because she knew you'd give in anyway. Maybe you just can't let go of this relationship, but she can at anytime. Problem is, she won't...at least not when you have something she needs. Holding onto this other guy is her fault. Getting into this "relationship" (if you can call it that) however, is entirely YOUR fault. She had just given birth to somebody else's kid, HELLO!!!

You're insecure, I get it...but you can fix that with a little time and effort. What you can't fix is somebody else, and the girl is damaged goods. You say you don't want to destroy this without just cause...Well, WAKE UP! You've had nothing but cause from the onset! And let me break it down for you...You don't have ANYTHING to destroy!! Right now you're holding onto 2 things; Jack and Sh*t, and Jack just left town with your would-be girlfriend...

Answer 2

I hate to break this news to you because you seem like such a nice person but a person can cheat and lie to you right under your nose and yes it leaves you feeling lost and hurt and not very smart but you can't help the way she treats you and your relationship in such a casual way. Men lie and women do to sometimes. Try to remain calm whatever you decide to do. Stop the fusssing and fighting that won't help you any. If i were you I would have the locks changed and hand all her things to her through the door. If things are this bad in 4 months they will more then likely never get any better. Move on now so you won't end up being hurt even more.

Answer 3

after reading ur entire problem i think u are a real gentleman and she is a fool who is leaving u , cheating u and going to her husband who came from jail, who didn't even come for a week to see his own child. i think u can get somebody better than her. u really don't deserve somebody so idiotic, fool and selfish like her . get out of it.... try to forget her as soon as possible...

Answer 4

I am sorry to say you are in a relationship that has a poor chance of survival-----you need to dump her and move on with your life ----it is clear she doest not know what she wants at this time----she needs to grow and mature ----and I think if you remain in this relationship you will have nothing but heartaches and pain. I am soooo sorry but it would be in your best interest to dump her and move on with your life------GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

Wake up dude. That deep down feeling ur talkin about up there isn't jealousy or paranoia,, its reality.

Answer 6

Sounds like it's time to move on...Sorry

Good Luck

Answer 7

Can I get the Cliff's Notes version please?