I'm 43 and still in the closet. I don't seem to have the courage to "come out" to my family or friends for fear of losing them. I often get depressed and feel uncomfortable in gatherings where people have their spouses or significant others, and I'm always there by myself, alone. I was just wondering how many people are still in the closet today, and does it hurt not to really be yourself? Thanks.
2007-02-16 20:32:02 · 18 answers · asked by zowar1363 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
i guess im 'in the closet.' ive never 'come out' to anyone really. but im the type of person who thinks its not my job or responsibility to do that. why should they know who i am capable of falling in love with? why should they know who i want to have sex with? if i knew what my dad was into sexually, then.. UGH! im sure he feels the same way.
i think its weird to share stuff like that with family.... maybe not friends, but family for sure. i'll tell em im queer if they ask... but they havent, and im glad they havent, cause its non of their business.
... i get to be myself.... only, i just dont talk openly about who i'd like to screw... and if i were a hetero, i wouldnt do that with them anyway... im pretty sure my parents know.... but they wont ask, and i hope to high heaven that they never do.
im only 18.... but if i were you, in your situation, at your age, at this very moment in time, i would just go out and do it. you dont need to tell them- unless of course you actually have a family of your own, which by what you wrote, doesnt seem so. i would find a guy, take him to a party, and just say it. if someone were to ask. tell them who he is and who he is in relationship to you. if they ask if youre gay, say, yes. its so simple.
i know... i dont know what its like for you... my generation is so much more open about it... ugh. that must really suck... but you cant waste your life away because of your friends.. and family. family is family- they'll love you no matter what, and if they 'disown' you for a while, they'll come to their senses and take you back, accept you for who you are, and sicne youre 43, it probably wont take too long. .. if your friends disown you, then boo wooo-- its their loss. theyre the idiots.
just do it. find love. be yourself. dont question your desires.
2007-02-16 20:49:40 · answer #1 · answered by louie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I came out as gay at the age of 23, never wanting to live a closeted life and couldn't. I was extremely depressed and had anxiety problems that grew the longer that I stayed in the closet. I never really had the chance to process it because people kind of always suspected that I was gay since 12, being young and not understanding who I am made me hate who I was.
You are a grown, 43 and it might hurt you that some friends and family will probably not like the fact that you're gay and don't want to be apart of your life but you'll feel much better not having to keep that secret to yourself. It's all about your happiness, not bob, joes or mary's. And if you're gay and haven't been with nobody i'm sure that your family already suspects but are just being quiet about it.
I came out and started talking about what guys i think is cute and stuff in front of my family. I was just so cage in and it's good to be-able to express myself. They didn't like hearing me say that guys were cute at first but they're OK now I guess if not thats there problem.
2007-02-17 04:56:52 · answer #2 · answered by What'd You Say? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 20 and still in the closet, although to be fair, I haven't dated anyone (ever) and it's the least thing on my mind, so I haven't had pressure in that area. Being bisexual also seems to help; I guess I feel like I can somewhat just hold off on my 'gay side' if need be.
But yeah, it hurts not to be yourself. Only lately has it come so sharply to me that I'd like to not have to hide this aspect of myself, and yet my stomach clenches up whenever something happens to get me anxious.
I feel like a coward and a fool. Let's hope I find the courage soon.
2007-02-17 05:01:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Again and again the double life story
I read a book while ago; let me feel better in this situation. He writer said that the main coming out to your self in the first place and coming out to the others is something optional.
So bee your selfe and if you feel you can not tell and your life is hard that way moooooove ang gooooo another city and live the life you want without hurting any body
This is what I have done.
2007-02-17 05:30:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 19 and I'm not "out" yet but, to be honest, I don't really feel the need to come out, at least not for now.
At the same time, I'm aware that maybe someday I'll have to come out, but I'm only interested in letting my parents know. The good news is that my mom is really open when it comes to sexuality. I love her so much. It's really easy to talk to her and she always has the time to listen to others.
My dad, well, I still have my doubts about telling him. Our relationship isn't going really well.
What anybody else thinks, hey, not my problem. I don't live with those people and I owe them absolutely nothing.
2007-02-17 05:16:46 · answer #5 · answered by Night Owl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're 43 and don't ever bring a significant other around, they prolly already know. lol. not being funny but people can pick up on things. if you were to tell them, they prolly wouldn't be that surprised. so, do what you have to do to be yourself. love comes from the heart, not an idea of what someone wants you to be.
2007-02-17 04:35:49 · answer #6 · answered by Tammy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm fixing to be 43 and I've been out for over 20 years. I dediced aloooooong time ago to live my life for me and not everyone else. They dont live their lives to suit me, so why should I? If you lose friends, they werent your friends in the first place and you will make new ones. As far as your family goes, if they reject you, it hurts, but they will get over it. Its YOUR life. Your parents lived their lives as they saw fit, why shouldnt you be allowed to do the same?
2007-02-17 05:16:28 · answer #7 · answered by tmills883 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 46 and still in the closet. Believe me it is a tough situation to live this double life...Jim
2007-02-17 12:05:25 · answer #8 · answered by lakecountry40 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Closets are for clothes. I am not "out" to family, but to be quite honest it doesn't bother me.
My motto now: What they don't know won't hurt them.
Coming "out" is a very personal issue. I'm better "in".
2007-02-17 04:43:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Especially in 2007 you need to be honestly about your homosexuality. You need to come out, and they need to deal with it. Then you can move to a gay-friendly city and make some new friends.
2007-02-17 05:26:36 · answer #10 · answered by Ved 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋