help with a translation? (spanish to english)?

Question

Whel, the deal is, i am a spanish speaker,, i do write tales in spanish, and I want them to be in english
I made this translation http://psicobunny.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!D7D30260234C8BDA!320.entry
but I want to improve it, so I came here to ask for advice.
Also would apreciate advice about my techinque or the tale itself.
here is the original text: http://psicobunny.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!D7D30260234C8BDA!290.entry

Answer 1

that is an unusual piece of prose to read in English. it is well suited to the romantic Spanish language; no conosco espanol muy bien pero es bonita, claro.
my friend you also make a lot of errors in your writing in English. I suggest that you spend a lot of time reading literature in the English language. maybe even try reading Spanish books which have been translated into English. Gregory Rabassa does such beautiful work.
your English is perfectly good for ordinary conversational English but you are a long way from being able to write fluently in English. it will take a lot of work, and a lot of patience. being totally bilingual is not easy. but you obviously have the desire, entonces hazlo. suerta.

Answer 2

The translation looks like it was done by an automatic translator. Many of the words have been translated directly from the spanish word but they don't fit together in the english version of the sentence. I would suggest getting someone to Beta it for you (Beta means to go through it and help with editing and making any necessary changes)...good luck!

Answer 3

Your translation seems to be a little broken, like you used an automatic translator or something. if this wasn't a pro translation, then maybe you should look for one. Here's a link : http://www.freetranslation.com/. This can help you do amature of pro translations.

Answer 4

here is ur translatation:
October 22 Finally Finally, I clarified to our mutual friends what was between us. It was necessary. They had finished dividing itself between that they thought that you broke the heart to me without mercy, and those that supposed that I besiege to you insanamente during several months. I began to clarify but that that you did not break the heart to me, on the contrary, you took it between your hands, you cleaned to him of the dust of the disuse, you caressed it and me you before gave back it not without cerciorarte that barked hard again. And that I was, the one who surprised to have it in my power, (the one never delay when it gives it) still lukewarm again of the contact with your skin, lets it escape of between my fingers and went to give the ground to become broken in thousand pieces, with the bad luck to be stopped I on a coslope at those moments. Of which I could save, as soon as it forms means heart. And seven years I walked with my incomplete being (yes it interests to you I can contarte, another day, as it completes the left ventricle after that time) and I had myself to abstain to practice any sport. The pieces that I did not find vagaron by culverts and water-drainages during several months, contemplated to the women in the shower through their coslopes, even from time to time, some humid pair under the regadera (my heart was originally blind, but the necessity to insensibilizar the sense of smell and the tact in the sewers worsened their other senses), several paid their curiosity covered with excrement. Many fragments found their aim between the teeth of some rat, but the great majority became hardened the sufficient thing to cross the digestive system of any rodent. Some found their way until the sea and cured with salt their wounds. Indeed this told me to it a small pointed piece that I found in my recent visit to a famous beach come to less. It was kindly a smiling fragment and. In all this time, she had been the person in charge to maintain a bond between all the pieces of my heart, insisting on that told in each opportunity its excursions them by coslopes, the rivers and the seas in which they went to give apparently (, one I arrive until green Lagoon and avoided a nuclear disaster. I want to believe that, so that the exaggerated part of my heart definitively I remain with me) and taking a rigorous count of the fragments that had signaled life at the end of the year. Reincorpore to my chest ( You can be imagined the difficult thing that it is to make this somebody customary one him travel), And I continued contemplating the sea. The first months, he was unbearable, it organized several attempts of flight, in most recent, almost kills to us, obstructing the artery carotid. A little was tranquilized as soon as I began to travel trying to maintain the contact between my old friends, insisting to them that they told me on its excursions by the city and counting those of the others in each opportunity. Nevertheless I suspect that it has returned to the old ways, this time with an elaborated plan more: of a time here, I feel much necessity of verte.